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O My Child! You've Become an Adult
Question
and Answer Related to Teenagers
By Mohammed
A. Addawish
Translated
by
Dr.
Abdulrahman Aljamhoor
Abdulkareem
Anujaaidi
Publisher's Note
Islam is the religion chosen by Allah to save mankind from the deadly Satanic tricks. It is the divine candle bestowed by Him upon people to guide them among the stumbles of life. Thereby It purifies their souls allowing them to comprehend the fact that they have been created for one sacred duty: to worship Allah Understanding that millions of Muslims are deprived of getting Islamic knowledge available in Arabic because they are non-Arabs, a center of translation became a pressing need. Being blessed with Allah's help, we could achieve such a sublime goal. And we hope that our effort results in contributing to the Islamic propagation The goal of the center of translation is to make use of translation as a means of d'awa. Our task is to provide non-Arab Muslims, as well as truth seekers, with Islamic materials of a high level of authenticity. Thus, they may get a better understanding of Islam. May Allah help us accomplish our duty successfully Abdulrahman Aljamhoor
PREFACE
This work is the result of the collaboration
between Muslim brothers who have a mutual interest in making such a book
available in the English language. Our goal is to serve a long-standing need on
the part of Muslim youth in Western societies where the younger generations
have been rent asunder by the overt disregard and abandonment of moral values
and ideals on a very broad scale On the one hand, the book has been particularly
selected due to its concise, yet thorough treatment of the subject, and on the
other because of its interactive dialogue format, which makes real the expression
of positive parental response to the legitimate concerns of young people on the
verge of becoming adults The communicative approach to translation has been
adopted since it attempts to produce an effect on the readers of the target language
translation equivalent to the effect the source language text has had on its
readers. This is carried out through the study of the active interaction
between form and content We ask Allah to bless this effort, and make it of
benefit to those who read it. May it be a continuing source of accumulating
good deeds for us after we are returned to our Creator. And peace and blessings
be upon our beloved Prophet, his progeny and companions, and all who follow
them in righteousness until the Day of Resurrection.
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
THE AGE OF RELIGIOUS
OBLIGATION
RELIGIOUS OBLIGATION AND
LEGAL RULINGS
RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE
CUT OFF IN THEIR PRIME
FRATERNITY AND FRIENDSHIP
THE PROBLEM OF LUST
LOVE AND PASSION
PUBERTY
PARENTS' RIGHTS
INTENSE EMOTIONS
EXAMPLES OF RIGHTEOUS
PEOPLE
Introduction
Verily, all praise is due to Allah . We praise
Him, ask Him for assistance, and ask His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah
from the evil within ourselves and from the grave consequences of our actions.
Whomever Allah guides will never go astray, and whomever Allah sends astray
will never be guided. I testify that none has the right to be worshipped but
Allah and I testify that Muhammad is the servant of Allah and His Messenger At
one time, we all were children and we frequently asked such questions as: when
would we become adults? What is the turning point between childhood and
adulthood? When is one considered a child, and when is one considered an adult
Puberty marks the stage of religious obligation, which is the turning point
from childhood to adulthood. When a person reaches puberty, he bids farewell to
childhood, and leaves behind its affairs. The stage of puberty is characterized
by various physical, mental and psychological changes. These changes do not
always occur simultaneously. The remarkable increase in growth rate and the alteration
of the voice quality and other physical signs may occur; all for a purpose
known only to Allah. This period also witnesses changes in reasoning patterns
and emotions All these changes prepare one to enter a new stage and begin a new
type of life. This is because Allah has created mankind to worship Him; and to
do so in the most perfect manner will certainly shed some light on the wisdom
behind creation. At this stage, religious obligation begins and one becomes
responsible for his deeds At this stage, boys and girls encounter a new world,
and they usually have many questions in mind. However, the answers to these
questions are not readily available because specialized books dealing with such
a sensitive issue as puberty from a religious perspective are rare. Besides,
when childhood shyness persists, it often stands as a barrier to asking
questions of a sensitive nature For these reasons, I have written this book
hoping that it may introduce young youth to the stage of puberty. It is presented
in the form of a dialogue between a father and his son to emphasize the
important role played by the parents in educating their children, especially at
this transitional stage A writer is likely to face many difficulties when
addressing his work to a generation younger than his own. He may not be able to
choose the words most appropriate for this sector of audience; he may also
over-emphasize a point, which is already clear to them, or he may oversimplify
points that require deeper analysis However, I have put forth my best effort in
this work, drawing upon my adulthood experiences as well as those deriving from
my present career as a teacher. I have already read many books and articles on
the topics discussed and I hope that these varied sources would have helped me
to overcome many of the difficulties previously mentioned It is Allah Who
provides success in all matters. Peace and blessings of Allah be upon His
Messenger, and all who follow his guidance Mohammed Abdullah Addawish
The Age of Religious Obligation
Q : Dad, we agreed
yesterday to discuss, from an Islamic point of view, the issue of religious
obligation and puberty. I think it is very important to define accurately the
beginning of such a stage that marks someone's entry into maturity and legal
responsibility in Islam
A: Yes, this is central to our discussion of
this period of life. We need to specify the age of religious obligation and
puberty before speaking about any other issue. Since puberty represents legal obligation
and responsibility in Islam, Islamic Shari 'ah (body of laws) mentions certain
clear indications which mark the beginning of this period in order not to be
confused with other subsequent stages Some of these signs are common to both
sexes while others are peculiar to either sex. One of the common signs of
puberty is the growing of pubic hair around the private parts (genitals). Boys
are characterized by the excretion of sperms (seminal fluid) while girls are
characterized by having menses, commonly known as 'period Since all these
indications are crystal clear, boys and girls do not have to wait for all the
other indications to take place if they can notice or feel one of them. If one
of these indications, becomes apparent, the boy or the girl is considered
'mature', legally speaking
Q : Dad, would you kindly remind me of some of the rulings
concerning the excretion of sperms?
A: This is an important question, my son. When
many young people reach puberty, they become surprised at such cases of
excreting sperms whose rulings and details are not known to them Sometimes,
they feel embarrassed to ask about these things, which may lead to committing
legal mistakes with no valid excuse. Instead, they should find a teacher or a
learned person to ask You should know, my son, that what is excreted due to
sexual desire is of two kinds
1-Madhiyy (pre-seminal fluid) is a transparent substance produced on
fondling and sexual longing. This substance is not ritually pure. One must
clean his genitals and do ablutions, but no shower is needed 2-Maniyy (semen)
is a thick white substance, which is ejaculated after an orgasm. This is
ritually impure. And so, it is obligatory to take a shower to remove the ritual
impurity If semen is deliberately excreted by a fasting Muslim, his fasting is null.
However, his fasting is valid if semen comes out unintentionally or during
sleep
Q : Dad, some young students become in a state of ritual impurity when
they are at school, however, they would perform the Thuhr (noon) prayer (or
whatever obligatory prayer) without purifying themselves
A: This is something serious and dangerous, my
son. A Muslim is not allowed to pray while he is in a state of ritual impurity.
Shyness should not prevent him from asking for permission to go home. If he is
not allowed to go home, he ma y postpone the prayer until he goes back home.
Then, he should take a shower and perform the postponed prayer
Q : Now I know the signs that mark the beginning of religious
obligation, so what does religious obligation mean, dad?
A: Before reaching the age of puberty, you were
not legally responsible for anything you did. Now, however, you have reached the
stage of religious obligation, which means you are responsible for obligatory
religious duties: acts of worship. You must consider personal hygiene; that is,
to clean your private organs (genitals) after you have urinated or evacuated
your bowels. You must also remove ritual impurity in case of discharging semen
either in erotic dreams or sexual intercourse. You must perform prayers
regularly and perfectly and observe fasting during the month of Ramadan. You
must perform Hajj when you can afford it, fight in the cause of Allah and
enjoin good and forbid evil. You are responsible now for your sins and wrong
doings such as telling lies, backbiting, slandering, Undutifulness to parents,
looking boldly at women except one's mother, sister, wife, and aunt, etc. Whenever
you commit an unlawful act, it will be in your record and you will receive a
punishment for it in the Hereafter except if you repent
Q : I understand this very well now, but if a young man is raised
by an impious father who disobeys Allah's commandments, can this be an excuse
for him?
A: No, my son, it cannot be an excuse for him
since he is now responsible for his deeds. Neither his father nor anybody else
will bear responsibility for his sins. If your father orders you to do unlawful
things and prevents you from doing good, you are allowed not to listen to him.
If you follow his instructions, you will bear the sin yourself, and he will
bear nothing for you. Of course, he may be punished for encouraging you to
commit these sins, for the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam is reported to
have said: "Whoever calls people to sins will have the same punishment as
those who follow his call without any diminution in the punishment of the sinners."
[Sahih Muslim]
Q : Does this mean that a young man whose parents do not wake him
up for Fajr (dawn) prayer is not excused by Allah?
A: Of course, my son, he has to bear the
responsibility himself and ask his parents or someone else to wake him up. If
he cannot find someone to wake him up, he, should set an alarm clock, or ask
one of his friends to give him a telephone call at the time of the prayer
Q : But, some young people claim that one is not responsible for
his deeds if he is asleep. Is this true?
A: This can be true if someone has done
everything in order to wake up at the time of the prayer, like going to bed
early enough, having asked someone to wake him up. Also, if he has overslept,
he would be excused. This actually happens in very rare cases. However, if he develops
such a habit and the number of days on which he oversleeps outnumbers the number
of days on which he wakes up for the prayer, it is an evidence of his
carelessness and indifference
Q : I've got what you said, but some young people still claim that
they are too young to observe obligatory duties. What do you say to this?
A: You know very well that Allah has created
you, and He knows your capabilities, lusts, and desires more than you do. Allah
says in the Noble Qur'an: "Should not He Who created know? And He is the Most
Kind and Courteous (to His slaves) All-Aware (of everything)." And it is
He Who has chosen this stage of your life to be the beginning of bearing
responsibility. This means that you can observe obligatory duties. It also
means that you are able to abstain from whatever Allah has forbidden
Religious Obligation and Legal Rulings
Q : Has Islamic Fiqh (jurisprudence) set certain rulings on reaching
the age after which a young man is re garded as a grown up other than those we
have already mentioned?
A: Yes. When a young man reaches the age of
religious obligation, he is responsible for all the rulings that apply to his
elder peers without exception. Here are some of the rulings concerning this point
1-If he is an orphan, he becomes entitled to his own property, and so, the
classification 'orphan' does not apply to him any longer. If a child inherits a
sum of money, he would not be given the money until he becomes legally major.
Only then, is he put to test to verify his discretion, If he proves to be
discreet enough to handle his own money, it will be given to him. Allah says in
the Noble Qur'an: (And let orphans (as regards their intelligence) until they
reach the age of marriage; if then you find sound judgement in them, release
their property to them) 2-Unlike a child, if a Muslim adult commits a major
crime such as robbery, murder, adultery, etc., he receives the prescribed punishment
3-His testimony before a court of law is valid and so legal verdicts can be
based on it. If he testifies that he has seen the crescent marking the
beginning of Ramadan, the month of fasting, his testimony will be taken into
account, and Muslims will begin their fasting
Q : How did the prophet ( salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) deal with
young people who had just reached puberty?
A: This is a very good question. The Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) treated young men as full -fledged members of
the Islamic society. As for Jihad (fighting in the cause of Allah) where there
was killing and blood-shed that cannot be tolerated except by strong men, he
used to allow young fighters who showed signs of fortitude to join the army.
The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) used to inspect the army and
exclude very young men who had not reached puberty. Puberty was then the
criterion for discretion. Ibn Umar said: "the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi
wa sallam) saw me on the day of Uhud when I was fourteen years old and set me
aside. But when he saw me on the day of Khandaq (I was fifteen years old then)
he allowed me to join the army Imam Al-Shafi'iyy said: " The Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) did not allow seventeen young people, who were
only fourteen years old, to participate in the battle beca use he noticed that
they did not reach puberty. A year later, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa
sallam) allowed them to join the Jihad troops
Q : Has the age of religious obligation got any effect on dealings
with the disbelievers? I mean, is there any difference between adult
disbelievers and young ones?
A: Yes. If Muslims defeat a group of
disbelievers and take someone as a captive, he will be treated as a man if he
has already reached puberty (i.e. it is permissible to kill him, keep him as a
slave, or set him free). However, it is not permissible to kill someone who has
not reached puberty
Q : But what is the fate of young disbelievers who may be killed
in the battle?
A: Their fate is the same as that of adult
disbelievers; they all deserve Hellfire. This was what the Prophet did with
Bani Quraidah (a Jewish tribe). When they submitted to the Prophet's judgement
after the battle, he asked one of his companions, Sa'd Ibn Mu'athe to act as a
judge in their case (according to Islamic Jurisprudence). All those who
participated in the battle were sentenced to death. The Prophet commented on
the verdict by saying: "It is in accordance with what Allah has ordained.
So, those people lived with their Jewish parents, and were brought up by them,
but they were not excused by Allah. And since they fought against Muslims they
were responsible for what they did
Q : Is there anything else that applies to adults, but not to
young people in dealing with disbelievers?
A: Yes. When Muslims fight the People of the Scr
ipture (Jews and Christians), they give them the liberty of either becoming
Muslims, or keeping their religion on condition that they would pay Jizya
(tribute). Allah says in the Noble Qur'an: "Fight against those who
believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor forbid that which has been
forbidden by Allah and his Messenger and those who acknowledge not the religion
of truth (i.e. Islam) among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians),
until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued
" This Jizya is only taken from adult disbelievers. Sa'd Ibn Mu'athe
narrated that the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) sent him to Yemen and
ordered him to take from every adult disbeliever one dinar (the type of
currency used then) or its equivalent in clothes or beasts of cattle
Reconsider Your Life
Q : What is the first piece of advice you would like to give to a
person who has just reached puberty?
A: You have to compare your present life with
your past one. Much of what used to be acceptable is no longer so now. Start
with your worship of Allah. The fundamental act of worship is prayer as the
Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said: "The
first thing about which a person will be questioned on the Day of Judgement is
his prayer. If his prayer is found to be valid and sufficient, he will be
considered a winner of Allah's reward. If there is some sort of deficiency in
his prayer, he will be a loser. If shortcomings are found in his obligatory
prayers, Allah will say: 'See if my servant has got some voluntary prayers in
his record that may make up for the shortcomings in his obligatory
prayers."' [Sahih Al-Bukhari] If I ask you to pay great attention to
obligatory prayer, this does not mean that I am acc using you of abandoning
prayers completely. But, I am rather concerned about your performance. Do you
perform your prayers with "due submission to Allah ? Do you perform them
with tranquility (in bowing and prostrating)? Do you observe all their moral
characteristics? Then look at your relationship with your parents, and how much
you take care of them Allah has associated their rights with His Again the
Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) regarded ingratitude to parents as
equivalent to committing major sins. Anas said that when Prophet (salla Allahu
alayhi wa sallam) was asked about the major sins, he said: "Associating
partners with Allah in worship, ingratitude to one's parents, killing innocent
souls, and giving a false testimony Curb your tongue, Lower your gaze, and
watch out for your other senses. Then, carefully select your friends What I am
trying to say is that you have said farewell to that stage of your life and
become a man in the full sense of the word. Your ambition and aspiration should
not be confined to this life, but rather transcend it to the Hereafter. So you
need to sit down and think a lot about yourself. Try to repair what you have
impaired, and which does not please your Lord and Creator
Q : But some young people say, "En joy your youth and there
will always be a time to make up for your carelessness when you are old."
What do you think?
A: This logic is very far away from the truth
for the following reasons
1-Real enjoyment is manifested in the worship of Allah and in the observance of His commandments. Unfortunately, those who turn away from their Lord do not realize this fact
2-Youth is the stage that should be utilized in righteous deeds. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told us that on the Day of Judgement when the situation becomes so horrible and frightening and when the scorching sun blazes down upon the swarming masses of people, Allah favors a group of His worshippers by placing them under His shade. This group includes "a young man who has spent his youth in the worship and obedience of Allah. Therefore, it is not possible to compare the transient worldly pleasures with everlasting bliss and joy
3-Everyone is going to be asked certain questions on the Day of Judgement. One of these questions will be about the way one has spent his youth. How do you think heedless and playful people would answer?
4-Youth is a period of energy, activity, and
vitality. Once this period is over, one starts to deteriorate and become weaker
and weaker. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an : "Allah is He who created you
in (a state of) weakness then gave you strength after weakness, then after strength
gave (you) weakness and grey hair. He creates what he wills. And it is He who
is the All-Omniscient. And the All-Powerful." Will a sane person say:
"I would delay obedience and worship of my Lord until old age? Now, let me
ask you this question: who can guarantee that he will live until he makes old
bones. One may die while he is still young! However, if he were guaranteed to
live a very long life, would repentance in old age be guaranteed?
Cut off in their Prime
Q : Yes, dad, this is
something that most people forget. Would you give me some examples of people
who died very young?
A: Yes, my son. Omair Ibn Abi Waqqas was only
sixteen years old when he fell in action in the battle of Badr together with a
number of other young martyrs including Harithah Ibn Al-Nu'man and Mu'athe Ibn
Al-Harith As for contemporary examples, I know some of them. Three young
secondary school students -may Allah have mercy upon their souls -died at about
the same age. One of them asked me a week before he died: "If someone died
and his burial was delayed, would he be asked about his Lord, religion, and
Prophet?" I told him, "O my son, what should co ncern you is that you
will be certainly asked after your death, no matter how and when, and it is
important to get ready for such a moment." Neither he nor I had thought
that it was only a few days before he would be put in that situation. The other
one was a very intelligent and energetic young man. All people around him had
great hope in his future. He sat for the final exam of his secondary school and
died before getting the results. The third one had already got his university
degree and was looking for a job in order to start a career and so would be
able to get married. He was coming back from Makkah after performing Umrah
(minor pilgrimage) when he died in an accident a few miles away from his
hometown I knew two other righteous young people. One of them attended the
university for one week, and the other was about to finish his Master's degree.
They both died when they were coming home from the sacred city of Makkah The
images of those righteous young people are still present in my mind. May Allah
bestow His mercy on their souls They might have been thinking of the future,
and their parents might have had great expectations about them in this life.
However, they were gone for good
Q : Has it ever occurred to anyone that he can
escape death?
A: It is enough to listen to this example. A
young man who belonged to a righteous family took the vicious way of drugs. He
started to deteriorate until one day when he dropped dead of an extra dose. He
was not quite twenty when he died. May Allah forgive him. Moreover, many young
people die in their prime nowadays in road accidents and otherwise. Fraternity
and Friendship
Q : Dad, you told me to reconsider my friendships; does this mean
I should live in seclusion and isolation and make friends with nobody?
A: Not at all. I am not asking you to do this,
but I am only asking you to make friends with righteous and upright people. You
will find with them whatever you look for among other people. You will find
enjoyment, pleasure, and dispelling of worries. In add ition, there will be
great heavenly virtues awaiting those who associate with the pious and the
righteous
Q : Could you please mention some of these
virtues?
A: Yes, some of these virtues are 1-A true
believer, as the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have
said, is going to reunite on the Day of Judgment with those whom he loves. If
he loves righteous people, he will meet them in Paradise, their eternal abode
2-A pious companion, as the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa
sallam) is reported to have said, is like a perfume -seller. He will either
give you some perfume as a gift, you will buy some off him, or you will smell
the fragrance of his merchandise
3-Allah bestows His grace on those who love each
other for His sake by sheltering them under His shade on the Day of Judgment
when the scorching sun blazes down on the swarming masses of people, lining
their heads with streams of sweat. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam)
is reported to have said: "Seven types of people will be sheltered under
the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgment when there will be no other shade
except His. These are: a just ruler; a young man who spends his youth in the
worship and service of Allah ; one whose heart is perpetually attached to the
mosque; two such persons who love each other for the sake of Allah, they keep
company for His sake and part company for his sake; a man who is seduced into
adultery by an attractive woman of consequences but he declines, saying that he
fears Allah ; one who donates charity without making it known to anybody; and
one who remembers Allah in solitude so that his eyes overflow with tears."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari]
4-Also, those who love one another because of
fear from Allah's Majesty and Magnificence will be granted lighted high seats
in Paradise, and will be an object of admiration by prophets and martyrs
5-The relationship between those who love each
other for the sake of Allah will remain unchanged until the Day of Judgment,
the day when one will escape from his father, mother, and children. Allah says
in the Noble Qur'an: (Friends on that Day will be foes, one to another except
Al-Muttaqun (i.e. pious and righteous people who fear Allah much (abstain from
all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden), and love Allah much
(perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained. 6-Allah, my son, loves
those who love each other for His sake. It was narrated in the Traditions of
the Rightly-Guided Muslims that Abu Idris Al-Kholani came to Mu'athe and said:
"O Mu'athe! I love you for the sake of Allah." Mu'athe replied:
"Here is the glad tiding, for I have heard the Prophet (salla Allahu
alayhi wa sallam) say : "Allah has said: 'It is incumbent upon me to
bestow My love on those who love each other for My sake, meet one another for
My sake, visit one another for My sake, and sustain each other for My sake
Q : May Allah reward you, dad. They are actually great virtues and
I feel that anyone of these virtues is good enough to encourage a young man to
make fri ends with such types of people. But, among those friends there may
occur some clashes in opinions and disagreement on certain issues, which may result
in feud, and grudge. Would not this deprive them from Allah 's grace on the Day
of Judgement?
A: People, my son, are not faultless. Brothers
and friends, sometimes, disagree. However, this should not last for long.
Everybody should try to treat his brother and friends with a pure, honest
heart. As a result, Allah bestows his grace on them as He says in the Noble
Qur'an: "And we shall remove from their hearts any sense of injury (that
they may have), so that they will be like brothers facing each other on
thrones.)
Q : But, dad, suppose there is a young man who is not very keen on
worship and who says to himself: "I am a hypocrite ; how can I make
friends with such decent people?" He then may think of abandoning them. Is
this correct?
A: No, my son, it is Satan who makes him think
in this way, since he is keen on misleading Allah's servants. But as he knows
that true friendship brings about peace of mind, he tries hard to prevent him
from such a bliss. Abu Musa Al-Ash'ariyy narrated that a man asked the Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) about a person who likes people but does not
associate with them. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) answered him
saying: "A person will be with those whom he loves." Abu Hurairah
narrated that Allah's Messenger said: "Allah has some angels who look for
those who remember Allah on the roads and paths. And when they find some people
remembering Allah, they call each other saying, 'Come to the object of your
pursuit.' Then the angels encircle them with their wings up to the nearest
heaven to us. After those people have remembered Allah, the angels go back to
their Lord Who asks them although He knows best: 'What do My slaves say?' The
angels reply: 'They say: 'Subhan Allah, Allahu Akbar, Alhamdu Lillah and they
glorify You.' Allah then asks: 'Did they see Me?' The angels reply: 'No, by
Allah, they didn't see You.' Allah asks: 'How would it be if they saw Me?' The
angels reply: 'If they saw You, they would worship You more devoutly and
remember You more deeply, and declare Your freedom from any resemblance to
anything more often.' Allah asks: 'What do they ask Me for?' The angels reply:
'They ask You for Paradise.' Allah asks: 'Did they see it?' The angels reply :
'No, by Allah, they did not see it.' Allah asks: 'How it would be if they saw
it?' The angels reply: 'If they saw it, they would have greater covetousness
for it and would seek it with greater zeal and would have greater desire for
it.' Allah asks: 'From what do they seek refuge?' The angels reply: 'They seek
refuge from Hellfire' Allah asks: `Did they see it? The angels reply: 'No, by
Allah, they did not see it.' Allah asks: 'How would it be if they saw it?' The
angels reply: If they saw it, they would flee from it as fast as they could and
would have extreme fear from it.' Then Allah says: 'I make you witnesses that I
have forgiven them.' (Allah's Messenger added) One of the angels would say:
'There was so and so amongst them, and he was not one of them, but he had just
come for some need.' Allah would say : 'These are those people whose companions
will not be reduced to misery.'" [Sahih Al-Bukhari.] When this is applied
to someone who has come and sat with them for a totally different purpose, how
about the one who likes them, and intends sitting with them when he comes. He
also forsakes worldly pleasures and bad places in order to keep their company.
He always wishes to be like them and blames himself all the time for his
laziness and inefficiency in worshipping Allah
Q : This is the case of righteous companions, what about evil
companions?
A: I have seldom seen a righteous young person
who changes into a bad person unless there are bad companions behind the
change. Therefore, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) warned us
against bad companions and gave us a very illustrative example of them when he
said: "A good companion and an evil companion are like a perfume-seller
and a blacksmith. The perfume-seller will either give you some perfume as a
gift, or you will buy some off him; but the blacksmith will either burn your
clothes or you will get a bad odor from him Part of the evil role played by
those bad companions can be summed up in the following points 1-They speak to
those who sit with them about their rude practices and licentious adventures.
Sometimes, they make up stories that have never happened to vie in boasting
with their friends and peers 2-They teach their companions ways of evil doings.
They take their companions by stealthy degrees towards evil and pave the way
for them 3-Their company weakens one's Faith. And so will be more vulnerable to
committing sins and forbidden things 4-When they see someone keen on his
worship, they make fun of him, which may contribute to his abandonment of such
good deeds
Q : But, dad, when a young person is asked to avoid a bad
colleague or friend, he usually says that that friend or colleague is a
relative, or a neighbor
A: Many people, my son, mistakenly understand
the concept of a bad companion. He is anyone who calls for or encourages
disobedience to Allah, and makes it easy through words and deeds either
directly or indirectly. He may be a relative (close or distant) a neighbor, or
even a brother; but terms of kinship cannot be an excuse for not avoiding and
abandoning him. The righteous companion, on the other hand, is the one who
helps his friends to serve and worship Allah and enjoins virtue through words
and deeds
Q : Some young people say that they make friends and sit with
those people, but they are also aware of good and evil. They may also say that
they talk with those people in school only to entertain and amuse themselves
without being influenced by them
A : No, my son, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi
wa sallam) is a trustworthy advisor. He warned us against such people. He told
us that they are like a blacksmith whose company influences those around him.
If a good Muslim keeps the company of a bad Muslim, he may gain a bad
reputation, or destroy his religion or life through a serious misfortune or
catastrophe. Moreover, this false excuse is one of Satan's mischievous ways to
deceive human beings so that he can throw them in an environment of corruption
and depravation If we assume that those bad companions would not influence him
in anyway, which is not true, it is most likely that he will follow their
example. Once he likes them, he will be reunited with them on the Day of
Judgment
The Problem of Lust
Q : You've told me a lot about the advantages and bright aspects
of this period of entering manhood, but doesn't it have its own problems and
difficulties?
A: This is a crucial question. You know that
Satan is eager to tempt and seduce human beings. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an
: "Satan said: 'Because You have sent me astray, surely I will lie in wait
for them (human beings) on Your straight Path. Then I will come to them from
before them and behind them, from their right, and fr om their left, and you
will not find most of them as thankful ones (i.e. they will not be dutiful to
You ' Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation It is Allah's wisdom
to make the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to the Hell
full of desires. In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that to
Paradise. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said:
"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while
Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari] Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of
someone's life in order to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from
those who cannot. But, if the way to Paradise were furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it
Q : Would you like to tell me more about these
desires?
A: Yes, my son, they are so many, varying in
strength and scope. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an: "Beautified for men is
the love of things they covet ; women, children, much of gold and silver
(wealth), branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the
pleasure of the present world's life; but Allah has the excellent return
(Paradise with flowering rivers, etc.) with Him." As for their varying
nature, they differ from one person to another and from one environment to
another. However, the influence of sexual desire on young people is the
strongest and most dangerous, especially in the present time. The Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) warned us against that when he said: "I am
not leaving behind a more harmful trial (cause of mischief) for men than
women." The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) also said: "A
person who gives surety to (safeguard) what is between his jaws (tongue) and
what is between his two legs (private organs), I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise." [Sahih Al -Bukhari] Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) was asked about the things, which cause most people
to enter Paradise. He answered: "Being careful about ones obligations to
Allah, and good behavior." Then, he was asked: "What are these
things, which would lead a person into Hellfire?" He answered: "His
mouth and genitals." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Q : You have come close to home when you spoke about this desire.
May I ask more questions about it?
A: Go ahead, son
Q : Some young people say that Allah is All-Omniscient and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is a ny apparent wisdom that a Muslim can see
behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
A: You should know, my son, that a Muslim is not
allowed to question or object to Allah's commandments. He must submit to
whatever comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knows the
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows the wisdom, his Faith will become more
firm One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustain the human race by means of
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in order to
achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier,one of the greatest pieces of
wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of obedience is hard, it will not be
taken except by honest and pious people who are characterized by patience and
forti tude, or else it will be open to everybody
Q : I think the first step a wise man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them. Is that
so?
A: Certainly. One should avoid the things that
may stir up desires and lust
Q : What are the most dangerous of such
temptations?
A: On top of such temptations is looking boldly
at a woman as an object of sexual desire. This serves as a stimulus that may
lead to an unlawful response. Also, it is the first step towards major sins.
Allah warns us against such a forbidden look; He says in the Noble Qur'an:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is
purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do" Because of its
dangerous consequences, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) warned his
companions against looking at forbidden things. He said: "Refrain from
sitting in the streets." The companions submitted: "O Messenger of
Allah, we have no other alternative, there is no other place where we can sit
and discuss things." He said: "If that is so, then observe your
responsibilities due to the street." The companions asked as to what was
due to the street? He said: "lower your gazes, clear the street off
obstacles, return greetings, and enjoin virtuous deeds and forbid evil ones I
can gather from this that a Muslim should be on his guard and keep away from
places where he would look at forbidden things. Is that right? Yes, my son, in
the previous saying, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) ordered them
not only to avoid looking at forbiddenthings, but also to avoid sitting in
streets. The Prophet said so although the streets of Madinah then were
different from the streets nowadays, which are full of unveiled women, who tend
to display their charm. The women then were veiled, and showed signs of
shamefulness ; and so they would stick themselves to the walls while walking
without a legal escort
Q : Why is looking at a woman so dangerous?
A: This is because it is oftentimes followed by
serious consequences. When someone looks at a woman, he pictures her as an
object of sexual desire. And the image develops in his mind. Satan, then,
beautifies this image and brings it back in his mind with all sorts of
desirable animation. When this is repeated, it develops into an obsession; and
one may be haunted by such an image in his prayers When someone is obsessed by
a certain idea, there is always the possibility that such an idea might
materialize into tangible action. The whole thing starts with an intention
perceived, then the intention develops into determination, followed by vicious scheming,
which eventually results in committing adultery. If this were not the outcome,
thinking would lead to masturbation
Q : Dad, I have an important question about masturbation, but I
will put it off until later. For now, I have another important question about
looking at women. What would you say to those young men who watch actresses in
movies or view pictures of women in magazines ; and their excuse is that there
is no harm in just doing that?
A: This is the same as looking at women in
person; there is no difference, since both actions will lead to the same result
Q : What if the whole matter is confined to a mere thought, I mean
no action is taken. Would you say something like 'it's the thought that counts?
A: One of the epithets of Allah is the Merciful;
and so He does not punish His slaves except for the sins that they a ctually
commit. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said:
"Allah forgives my followers those (evil deeds) their ownselves may
suggest to them as long as they do not act." But, thinking about women in
a persistent way may lead to the unlawful act of adultery. I would advise you
and every young man to engage yourselves in things that will benefit you in
this world and in the Hereafter. Be careful when such thoughts cross your mind;
try to stop them right away and replace them with better thoughts
Q : Dad, how can I put a curb on my desires?
A: The best thing to do is to maintain a strong
Faith in Allah. This is the most effective weapon against desires. I am telling
you this because the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to
have said that there would come a time when Faith would become dear. And
Mu'athe -I used to call one of his friends and say to him: "Let's sit and
spend some time increasing our Faith
Q : And what are some of the things that we can do to increase our
Faith?
A: Faith increases along with submission to
Allah. Good deeds, like reading the Noble Qur'an and reflecting on its
meanings, remembering Allah , and contemplating on His creation, also increase
Faith Then you have to fear Allah in the most appropriate manner, and observe
your duties to Him wherever you are. That is because a true believer should
know that Allah encompasses everything, and that nothing is hidden from Him.
Not even an atom escapes His knowledge. Allah says of Himself in the Noble
Qur'an: "And with Him are the keys of the Ghaib (all that is hidden [the
Unseen]), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land
and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but he knows it. There is not a grain in the
darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear
Record) And He also says: (Allah knows whatevery female bears, and by how much
the wombs fall short (of their time or number) or exceed. Everything with Him
is in (due) proportion. All-Omniscient of the unseen and the seen, the Most
Great, the Most High. It is the same (to Him) whether any of you conceal his
speech or declare it openly, whether he be hid by night or go forth freely by
day" Allah knows whoever commits unlawful acts in broad daylight and
whoever commits them behind closed doors. And if a believer is well aware of
this fact, he will fear Allah. You remember that saying by the Prophet (salla
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) where he names the types believers that will be under
Allah's shade on the Day of Judgement? One of them is a man who is being
seduced by a beautiful woman, but he says: "I fear Allah
Q : Dad, what is next?
A: One has to remember that he will stand before
Allah on the Day of Reckoning when all secrets are disclosed. Nothing will be
hidden from Him, and the mouths of the disbelievers will be sealed and their
limbs will testify against them. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an: "Till,
when they reach it (Hellfire), their hearing (ears) and their eyes, and their
skins will testify against them as to what they used to do". Now, let me
ask you if it is possible for a person to do wrong without his limbs being
present with him? Allah answers this question in the Noble Qur'an: "And
you have not been hiding yourselves (in the world), lest your ears, and your
eyes, and your skins testify against you; but you thought that Allah knew not
much of what you were doing"
Q : Is there anything else?
A: Yes son, a believer has to remember what
Allah has in store on the Day of Resurrection for those who obey His
commandments and keep away from what He has forbidden
Q : You mean the maidens of Paradise?
A: Exactly! These are the chaste women of
Paradise that Allah describes in the Noble Qur'an : "Verily, We have
created them (maidens) of a special creation and made them virgins. Loving
(their husbands only), equal in age, for those on the Right Hand". And the
Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have described them
saying: "The first group (of people) who will enter Paradise will be (g
littering) like a full-moon. They will neither spit therein nor blow their
noses nor relieve nature. Their utensils therein will be of gold and their
combs of gold and silver; in their censers the aloeswood will be used, and
their sweat will smell like musk. Everyone of them will have two wives; the
marrow of the bones of the wives' legs will be seen through the flesh out of
excessive beauty. They (i.e. the people of Paradise) will neither have
differences nor hatred amongst themselves; their hearts will be as if one
heart, and they will be glorifying Allah in the morning and in the afternoon
Q : What else, Dad?
A: You have to turn to Allah, following the
example of the Prophet Joseph when the woman whom he worked for tried to seduce
him. The Noble Qur'an gives an account of he said: "O my Lord, the prison
is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. Unless you turn away
their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who
commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorant"
My son, turn to your Lord, raise your hands
humbly to Allah in supplication, and realize that Allah will not turn away
those who ask Him Besides, you have to strengthen your will. You have to train
yourself to leash uncontrollable desires; you must never surrender to them. But
you have to know that this requires a tremendous amount of training, because
you are struggling against your vicious instincts, which are amplified and
supported by the accursed Satan
Q : Is that all?
A: No, son, there remains an important issue
that was always highlighted by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam)
Q : You mean marriage, don't you?
A: Of course, son, may Allah grant you success
in your life. Marriage enables one to enjoy what Allah has made lawful for him.
This will surely prevent him from indulging in forbidden pleasures. And if a
person of your age cannot afford to get married, he has to observe fast on
those days, which were favored by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam),
such as Mondays and Thursdays, or whatever is most convenient. Fasting, as you
know, infuses piety in the heart. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an: "Fasting
is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you
may develop piety" Moreover, fasting strengthens the will and
determination, and qualifies you to defeat your vicious instincts
Q : Dad, what about masturbation?
A: O my son, it is a filthy and blameworthy habit.
Moreover, it is forbidden according to the Noble Qur'an and the authentic
Sunnah. Allah says in the Noble Qur'an: "And those who guard their
chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts . Except from their
wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess. For them,
they are free from blame This verse indicates that true believers should guard
their private parts from illegal sexual activity. There are two permissible
outlets for satisfying sexual desire. These are one's wife and one's possession
of captives and slaves. Therefore, no one besides these two is permissible
Also, practicing this blameworthy habit adversely affects the health (leads to
health problems). For instance, it affects the erectness of the penis, which
will bother a man when attempting to have an intercourse with his wife. It will
also decrease the potency of his sperms. Moreover, masturbation causes poor
digestion and weakens the pituitary gland, which affects reproduction Besides,
masturbation is a main cause of psychological disturbances, like depression and
anxiety. Ejaculation of sperms due to masturbation is usually followed by fits
of remorse, which develops later into a sense of indifference. What is worse is
that one may practice this habit in a place where he cannot remove his ritual
impurity by taking a shower, causing him to either miss the prayers in their
appointed time, or perform them in a state of ritual impurity; and in either
case, he will be sinful
Q : So Dad, how can one quit this filthy habit?
A: In order to quit this habit, one has to
practice a few things. First, one should strengthen his belief in Allah.
Second, one should lower his gaze and avoid thinking about lust. Third, one
should avoid being alone. Fourth, one should keep himself busy with beneficial
activities such as reading
Love and Passion
Q : Dad, some youth
indulge in unlawful passions. What would you say to them?
A: To be a victim of unlawful passion is a
dangerous matter because it is likely to bring about a series of unlawful
deeds. First, if this passion leads to unlawful sex, it will incur a lot of
sins; and if sexual desire is not satisfied, sorrow will remain in the heart.
Second, a lover is usually preoccupied by his mistress, and this keeps him from
his religious duties as well as his worldly commitments. And when these
symptoms persist, they develop into pain and anguish. Third, such an obsession
is likely to keep him away from loving Allah. Eventually, his mistress will be
on top of his priorities Moreover, it is claimed that someone's last words
before his death are the dress of the thoughts that have always occupied his
heart. I was told that there was a young man who fell deeply in love with a
girl called Islam. But as that love was not reciprocal, he got a broken heart,
and he fell ill. His condition then deteriorated, and the last words he uttered
on his deathbed were: "O Islam! I prefer your love to the Mercy of
Allah." The indication is that love can lead to a disastrous end. These
are the dangerous consequences of unlawful love. Now, you are probably
wondering about the solutions Fill your heart with the love of Allah and
remember Him all the time. Spend some time every day reading the Noble Qur'an.
Associate with righteous people. Lower your gaze. Avoid forbidden love, and try
to nip it in the bud, because once it develops, it will be difficult to stop
Puberty
Q : Is it true that puberty is a stage of loss and deviation from
the Right Path?
A : No, my son. The more a person develops
physically and psychologically, the more he becomes inclined to seriousness in
religion as well as worldly matters. Allah nourishes this inclination as one
approaches puberty. Therefore, those who get lost and deviate from the Right
Path are those who reject religion and run wildly after their desires, instead
Q : Dad, why is it that so ma ny young men and women are leading a
careless life nowadays?
A: Well, son, youth are full of energy; and if
this energy is not vented in an appropriate manner, they are expected to lead a
life void of morals and ideals. They will not pay the slightest attention to
the outcome of their deeds. And if they do not keep their souls busy with
obedience to Allah, they will definitely commit sins. However, past generations
of young Muslims were so keen on keeping themselves busy with worthy
commitments, such as fighting in the cause of Allah, learning and seeking
knowledge, etc. Even in rural communities, where young people worked with their
parents mostly as farmers and shepherds, you would not find so much
carelessness because their vigor was properly utilized
Q : Dad, why are some youth tough on their parents, and they
seldom take any of their advice ; they do not even show any response to it?
Does this have anything to do with puberty?
A: Yes, my son. Many young people are
indifferent to their elders, because they are usually self-centered at this
stage. They tend to oppose whoever they think has authority over them,
including their parents and teachers. Their primary concern at this stage is to
establish an independent personality. They feel they have reached full manhood
or womanhood and they are no longer in need of others. Therefore, everyone has
to listen to whatever they say with due respect. However, what makes matters
worse are two factors
1-They lack the experience that accumulates during one's life,
which is very important for developing opinions of their own 2-Some parents
treat their 'big' children as if they are still little kids. So the children
feel as though they are not getting the respect they really deserve. And
naturally, their response to parents' advice is usually negative
Q : Dad, some students at this stage tend to oppose their teachers
; is it for the same reasons?
A: Yes son, for the same reasons, which make
school boys and girls at this stage rebel against their teachers and refuse to
respond to them
Q : You mentioned that one reason for this phenomenon is that some
parents treat their 'big' children as if they are still little kids. Why do
they treat them like this?
A: Some reasons are related to the children
themselves, and others are related to the parents. The most important reason is
that some youth enter this stage while still behaving like children, and their
concerns are still childish. They are still attached to their toys. Besides,
when a young man notices signs of puberty, he exaggerates his own capabilities.
Therefore, his opinions may not be mature yet, and so, elderly people will
treat him accordingly. A young man is so attached to his friends that he is more
attentive to them than he is to his parents or teachers. Unfortunately, the
advice of peer groups is not always sound
Q : Dad, why is the behavior of the youth often characterized by
rebellion and stubbornness?
A: That is because they regard such behavior as
a way of impressing others and imposing their own individual characters on them
Q : Dad, but this can have adverse consequences,
can't it?
A: Of course, son. This behaviour seldom achieves its objectives.
Others will often be on the aggressive, even if they are convinced of an
opinion that is imposed on them
Q : But I have seen some youth get what they want through
rebellion and stubbornness
A: That is true. They may succeed in that, but
those who respond to their requests do so out of desperation. These youth may
receive a limited benefit, but they lose the respect of their elders, which is
more valuable than what they get
Q : Then how can an adult convince his elders that he has become a
grown up man?
A: To begin with, he has to prove to them that
his lifestyle has changed by leaving behind the concerns of young children, by
adopting the manners typical of grown-ups, and by giving elderly people the
respect they deserve. He also has to prove to them that he can bear
responsibility for himself by properly attending to his commitments. Only then
can he propose his own opinions and expect others to listen to them. However,
time is very important. That is, things should not be hurried. Finally, when
some people underestimate a young person's real capabilities, he has to be
patient and tolerant
Parents' Rights
Q : Dad, I have seen
something which annoys me. That is, some youth treat their parents badly, and
the only excuse for this bad treatment is that the parents do not let them do
what they want, or they treat them as if they are still little kids. Moreover,
I know that this is not a valid excuse. Can you elaborate on this?
A: May Allah bless you, my son. It is shameful
to see a Muslim youth raise his voice when speaking to his parents or treat them
badly, forgetting about their rights, which are clearly enunciated in the Noble
Qur'an where Allah associates His own rights with theirs: "And your Lord
has decreed that you worship none but Him. Moreover, that you be dutiful to
your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say
not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms
of honor" Allah orders the believers to submit themselves in humility to
their parents. He says in the Noble Qur'an: "And lower unto them the wing
of submission and humility through mercy, and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them
Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young'" Jihad is considered
the greatest of all Islamic duties. However, a Muslim cannot join the Jihad
troops unless by his parents' leave. A man came to the Prophet (salla Allahu
alayhi wa sallam) asking him for permission to join the army. The Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) asked him: "Are your parents alive?"
The man said: "Yes." The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam)
said: "Strive in their service." Another man came to the Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and said: "I took an oath to emigrate from
the disbelieves' society and I left my parents crying." The Prophet said:
"Go back and make them happy as you made them cry." [Sahih
AI-Bukhari]
Q : Then if Islam places filial dutifulness in such a high
position, then there must be a great reward for it
A: Yes, of course. Islam has provided a great reward. First,
obedience to parents is considered obedience to Allah. So if a person fulfills
his parents' requests, he is obeying Allah. Second, their satisfaction leads to
Allah's satisfaction. So if a person satisfies his parents, then Allah will be
satisfied with him. On the other hand, if a person makes his parents
dissatisfied, then Allah will be dissatisfied with him. The Prophet (salla
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The satisfaction of Allah is in the
satisfaction of parents." [Sahih Al-Bukhari] The Prophet (salla Allahu
alayhi wa sallam) also said : "May he be disgraced ; may he be disgraced
who finds his parents (one or both) approaching old age and does not enter
Paradise by rendering services to them." [Sahih Muslim] The third reward
is that Allah will answer the invocation of those who are dutiful to their
parents. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told his companions about
a man named Uwais Al Qami who so dutiful to his mother that whenever he asked
Allah for something, Allah would fulfill it for him [Sahih Muslim]
Q : Dad, if this is the reward for observing parents' rights, then
what is the punishment for not observing such rights?
A: Not observing parents' rights is a great
calamity, which leads to grave consequences. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi
wa sallam) associated disobedience to parents with Shirk (associating partners
with Allah in worship; major polytheism). Anas Ibn Maalik asked the Prophet
(salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) about the major sins. The Prophet (salla Allahu
alayhi wa sallam) answered: "Associating partners with Allah, disobedience
to parents, murder and bearing false witness. Abu Bakr mentioned that the
Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) explained that disobedience would speed
up the coming of punishment in this world This means that when someone disobeys
his parents, it may drive them angry, and so they may invoke Allah against him.
Surely, such an invocation may be answered. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa
sallam) said: "Three invocations are undoubtedly answered: the invocation
of parents against their undutiful children, the invocation of a traveller, and
the invocation of the oppressed." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Q : What is the worst type of disobedience?
A: The worst type of disobedience is the refusal
of the child to do the good deeds, which are urged and recommended by the
parents
Q : But some youth may claim that they are undutiful to their
parents just because the parents deny them their rights. What do you think of
this?
A: My son, there is nothing more serious than
committing Shirk, However, Allah orders us in the Noble Qur'an to be dutiful to
our parents even if they commit Shirk themselves and urge us to commit it
ourselves: "But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship
with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but
behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to
Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall
tell you what you used to do". It is clear then that you do not obey them in
terms of Shirk, but obey those who call you to th e Path of Allah .
Nevertheless, you are requested to treat them in the best manner
Q : We can say then that if parents are not observing the duties
of Islam properly, we still have to treat them kindly. Is that right?
A: Absolutely. Allah orders us to treat parents
respectfully even if they are struggling to turn us away from Islam by calling
us to Shirk. All we have to do is invite them with wisdom to Islam. In
addition, when one's parents are sinful, one has to be patient with them The
respect due to parents is a natural right, and does not depend on how they
treat their children. Being tough on their children may be for a good reason.
They may have the intention to correct a disagreeable behavior
Intense Emotions
Q : Dad, let us now shift to another topic. Some youth get so
angry that they cannot control their reactions. Does this have anything to do
with reaching puberty?
A: Yes, my son. Some young people are
characterized by intense emotions at this stage. When they get angry, they
shout at the top of their voices. They break things and treat their elders
badly. Anger, my son, must be suppressed because it may cause a lot of trouble.
Some young people often beat their breasts when they have acted irrationally
out of anger One day a man came to the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhimwa sallam)
asking him for a piece of advice regarding good manners. The Prophet (salla
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Do not get angry." When the man
repeated his request, the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) gave him the
same advice. Then the man said: When I thought about what the Prophet (salla
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) had said, I realized that anger is the root of all
evil." This, my son, is a proof that anger may cause one to do things that
he will regret for the rest of his life Allah likes those who control their
emotions and restrain themselves when they get angry Allah says in the Noble
Qur'an: "Those who spend (in Allah's Cause deeds of charity, alms, etc.)
in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men: verily,
Allah loves the good doers". And: "And those who avoid the greater
sins, and Al-Fawahish (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and when they are
angry, forgive"
Q : My Dad, this discussion about uncontrolled anger reminds me of
another thing ; that is going to extremes when evaluating other people, which I
have frequently noticed among my peers. When they like somebody, they
exaggerate in describing his merits, and when they dislike somebody, they shift
to a different tone. Does this have anything to do with reaching puberty?
A: Yes. Young people tend to exaggerate their
feelings of liking and disliking, and that is due to the intensity of emotions
characteristic of young age
Q : I think the enemies of Islam realize this fact, an d they act
accordingly. They try hard to turn young people away from true guidance through
many kinds of unlawful entertainment
A: Yes, son, you are right. The enemies of Islam
have always sought to seduce Muslim youth through the media, especially those
satellite channels, which are beamed to the remotest parts of the world
Q : Dad, is there anything one can do to protect himself from this
seduction?
A: The best thing to do is to read the stories
of those early Muslims who helped raise the banner of Islam. They are good
examples that should be followed. And the Noble Qur'an is full of stories of
righteous people who spent all their lives in the cause of Allah. There are
also the stories of Allah's Messengers whose struggle against disbelievers is a
chain of great lessons for us to learn When good examples are set before young
men and women, they can hardly be seduced by insignificant people
Examples of Righteous People
Q : Dad, would you like to shed more light on some examples of
righteous people, especially when they were young?
A: Yes, my son. Allah has mentioned the story of
the Prophet Joseph. He was a good example of abstinence. He was young and
single when the woman whom he worked for tried to seduce him in order to have
sex with her. She was not only beautiful, but also a woman of consequences, she
was the Prime Minister's wife. She went to him and closed the door behind her.
She threatened to put him in jail if he rejected her. With all of this temptation,
seduction and above all threats, he turned to Allah, saying : "I seek
refuge in Allah (or Allah forbid)! Truly, he (your husband) is my master! He
made my living in a great comfort! (So I will never betray him).
Verily, the Thalimun (wrong and evildoers) will
never be successful). He would rather go to jail than commit adultery. You
know, when a young Muslim reads this story and realizes the message intended, I
think he will think twice before committing adultery
Another example of sincere affiliation to religion is Khabbaab Ibn Al -Araat. When his acceptance of Islam became known, the disbelievers tortured him severely. He was raked naked over glowing coal until permanent scars marked his entire body. However, they did not manage to turn him away from his religion. The admiration held by the Prophet's companions to Khabbaab is quite known. On his way to Makkah, Ali Ibn Abi Talib passed by the grave of Khabbaab. He stopped for a while and said: "May Allah have mercy on Khabbaab ; he accepted Islam and emigrated to Madinah, following the orders of the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam). His whole life was devoted to fighting in the cause of Allah. He was severely tortured, but never gave up. May Allah give him the best reward." My son, this companion was almost of your age when he did all this The highest example of determination ever found among the young companions of the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is AlHarith who was killed in the battle of Badr. His mother came to the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah! You know how dear Harith was to me. If he is in Paradise, I will be patient and expect Allah to reward me for what he did; but if he is not, you will see what I will do. The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Woe to you! Is there only one Paradise? There is more than one. And your son is in Firdaws (the best of all Another example of great determination is the story of Umair Ibn Abi Waqqaas, a 16-year old companion of the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam). His brother Sa'd narrated: "I saw my brother, Umair before the inspection of the troops trying to hide himself. When I asked him why he was doing this, he said: 'I'm afraid the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) will consider me too young to join the army.' He wanted very much to get killed in the battlefield, and so be a martyr. Then the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) came and examined him. He found him too young and sent him back. Umair cried so bitterly that the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) had not let him join his troops as a soldier. The young warrior had to shorten the sword belt so that it would not touch the ground. And he was killed Many of the Prophet's (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) companions were less than twenty years old when they fought side by side with him An outstanding example of Muslim youth in the field of memorizing the Noble Qur'an is Umar Ibn Salama. He memorized the entire body of verses as they were revealed one by one; that is, before being compiled in a bound form. As a reward for this, he was always given a special treatment In the field of seeking knowledge, Mu'athe Ibn Jabal was described by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) as the most learned person in matters of what is lawful and what is not. He was not quite twenty when he accepted Islam Ibn Umar, the son of the second Caliph, is a good example of those who devoted their lives to the worship of Allah. He used to sleep a few hours, and then wake up to perform voluntary prayers Muhammad Ibn Talhah was known as As-Sajjaad (the Prostrator) due to the great number of his prayers he used to perform In sports, often practiced in preparation for Jihad, we find many examples of excellence. For instance, Abdullah Ibn Umar was a distinguished horse racer
Q : My dad, did the Prophet ( salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) use to mention examples of such righteous people when he taught his companions?
A: Yes, son. When Khabbaab was being tortured he
sent to the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) asking him to pray to Allah
that He may spare him the torture he could hardly tolerate. The Prophet (salla
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Among the nations before you a believer
was thrown tied into a ditch, and a saw was put over his head and he would be
cleaved into two pieces; yet, he would not give up his religion. Before
throwing him into the ditch, they would cut roads into his body with hot iron
combs that removed his burnt skin; yet, that would not make him abandon his religion.
By Allah, this religion (i.e. Islam) will prevail, but you (people) are
hasty." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Q : Indeed, these are good examples, dad. But they all belong to
the generation of the Prophet ( salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam). What about our
generation?
A: When a person looks at these ex amples, it
does not mean that he is expected to be like them. What it means, though, is
that one should try to hold fast to his religion And do not ever forget that
the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) has promised those people who
maintain their Faith, despite the temptations around them, a liberal reward in
the Hereafter. The examples of such good Muslims all over world today are too
many to count. They are people who have managed to achieve success in many
different fields of knowledge. They are well versed in religious as well as
worldly matters. This is an indication that when youth depend on Allah they can
overcome any obstacles that may encounter them Dad, this has been an excellent
discussion; and I feel I have taken much of your precious time. Now, I ask your
permission to leave so you can have a bit of rest. May Allah reward you for all
you have been doing for me
COMMENTS