The sincere Muslim is always content to accept the will and decree of Allah.
The Ideal Muslim
The True Islamic Personality
As
Defined in the Qur'an and the Sunnah by Dr. Muhammad 'Ali al Hashimi,
Translated by Nasiruddin al Khattab,
Revised by Ibrahim. Kunna and Abu Aya Sulaiman 'Abdus Sabur
Contents
Preface
Foreword
Introduction
1. The Muslim and his Rabb
2. The Muslim and his own self
3. The Muslim and his parents
4. The Muslim and his wife
5. The Muslim and his children
6. The Muslim and his relatives
7. The Muslim and his neighbour
8. The Muslim and his Muslim brothers and friends
Preface
Revised 2nd Edition - International Islamic Publishing House IIP
Publishers
Note
All Praise is for Allah, Rabb (Lord) of the worlds and peace and
prayers be upon Muhammad (s), his family and companions and all those who follow
in their footsteps until the Last Day. The Ideal Muslim, is now in its second
revised edition in English. Like the 'Ideal Muslimah, it has been very well
received by our English and Arabic readers. Its popularity is based on the fact
that Dr. al- Hashimi has dealt with the various topics in a complete and
comprehensive way. He has brought conclusive references from the Qur'an and
Sunnah to back up every point and issue he has raised. He has even examined
both Eastern and Western thoughts on certain issues and proved that the Islamic
ideal is superior in all cases. Indeed, the Ideal Muslim has no comparison. His
humanity glows in every aspect of his life. He is a man of high moral character
in his dealings with his parents, family, friends and the society at large.
This revised edition has been done to upgrade and correct any mistakes in the
first edition. I.I.P.H. is determined to bring the true knowledge of Islam to
its readers in the most authentic form in accordance with the pure teachings of
the religion. This book will indeed benefit all those who sincerely seek the
authentic knowledge of Islam. We pray and hope that we all receive benefit from
it and that we may be able to follow the example of our pious predecessors in
practicing this knowledge. And may Allah's peace and blessings be upon the
Prophet (s), his family and companions.
Translators Foreword
Praise be to Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of the Worlds, and may the
blessings and peace of Allah be upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad and his
Family and Companions.
Ideal Muslim: the true Islamic personality as defined by the
Qur'an and Sunnah presents a comprehensive overview of the way in which the
Prophet (s) and his Companions lived. This picture of the practical aspects of
a truly Islamic life-style serves as a timely reminder for all of us. At a time
when unIslamic and antiIslamic influences are spreading, via modern technology,
to the heart-lands of Islam and even to the remotest regions, we need to hold
firm to the distinct character of our faith, as prescribed by Allah and
revealed through His Prophet (s).
Dr. Muhammad 'Ali al-Hashimi presents a well-thought out guide to
the Islamic life-style. He starts with the Muslim's relationship with his Rabb,
which is the most important aspect of his life, and provides the foundation for
Allah's other relationships. From there, Dr. Hashimi outlines how the Muslim
should relate to every person in his life, starting with himself and his
family, and moving on, by stages, to encompass every member of the community or
society. Each point is supported by extensive quotations from the Qur'an and/or
hadith.
It should be noted that while most of Islamic teachings -and
certainly the central beliefs and practises ("pillars") -are
incumbent upon men and women alike, some aspects of the faith are emphasized
more for one than the other, or may be applicable to just one of the two sexes.
An obvious example is the dress-code, where the emphasis is placed on women's
attire, although it should not be forgotten that men are instructed to dress
modestly too, and that certain prohibitions apply only to them (i.e., the
wearing of gold and silk). A number of these "gender-specific"
matters are discussed here, but the book should not be viewed as exclusive: men
and women alike may learn much from it.
The interpretations of Qur'anic quotations have been taken from
the translation by Yusuf Ali, except where indicated. The archaic style of
Yusuf Ali's translation has here been amended and modernized, so that
"thou" becomes "you," "goeth" becomes
"goes," etc. Many Islamic concepts are difficult to express in
English, especially as words that carry extensive cultural baggage. This is
especially so with "religious" words which when rendered into English
may convey connotations that do not exist in Arabic. For this reason, many
Arabic words have been retained, with explanations either in the text or in the
glossary which is to be found at the end of the book.
May Allah reward the author for his efforts to educate the Muslims
about their religion; may He cause this book to be a source of beneficial
instruction; and may He guide us and keep us on the Straight Path.
Nasiruddin al Khattab March 1997
***
In the
name of Allah, All Compassionate, All Merciful
Allah, to You, I offer praise and seek Your help and guidance. I
send prayers and blessings upon your trustworthy Messenger and Allah's family
and companions, and those who follow them in (all good deeds) until the Day of
Judgement.
Introduction
My interest in the topic of the Muslim personality, as Islam meant
it to be, goes back more than ten years, during which time I have noticed that
many Muslims are often overzealous in some matters but negligent in others. For
example, you might see a Muslim who insists on attending every prayer and
standing in the front row, but he pays no heed to the bad smell emanating from
his mouth or clothes; or he obeys and fears Allah, but does not take care to
uphold the ties of kinship; or he devotes much time to worship and the pursuit
of knowledge, but is neglecting his children's upbringing and does not know
what they are reading or who their friends are; or he is taking good care of
his children but is mistreating his parents; or he is looking after his parents
but abusing his wife; or he is treating his wife and children with respect but
is disturbing his neighbours; or he is paying attention to his own private
affairs but ignoring his friends and the welfare of the Muslim community at
large; or he is religious and pious, but heedless of the Islamic teachings regarding
giving salaam, consuming food and drink, and interacting with people.
It is strange that these shortcomings exist among some of those
who are regarded as playing an active role in Islamic da'wah and who are
involved in the propagation of a practical message that, in most cases,
provides an awareness and understanding of Islamic teachings and values,
following true guidance. Yet it seems that the overwhelming nature of their
work, or perhaps carelessness or forgetfulness, has caused some Islamists to fall
into the trap of these errors, whether knowingly or otherwise.
My interest in exploring the Muslim personality as Islam meant it
to be, led me to consult Islamic sources that refer to man and how he is to be
guided and moulded, so that I could present to the Muslims, especially those
who are practising and active, a complete study of this personality, describing
its distinguishing features and attitudes. It is hoped that this work may
represent a beacon of guidance to those who are falling short in some respects,
so that they may raise themselves up to the level that their true religion
intended.
I was shocked when I realized how great a gap exists between what
Islam wants for the Muslims and what they want for themselves except a few of
them who are sincere in their faith, pure of heart and soul, and filled with
ambition. These are the ones who are passionately devoted to their religion,
drinking deeply from its pure spring and following its illustrious guidance
more closely each day.
Whoever takes the time to study the guidance of Allah and His
Prophet (s), consulting the proper sources, i.e., the texts in the Qur'an and
hadith, will be amazed at how much comprehensive information is to be found
there, dealing with both major and minor aspects of the individual's
relationship with his Rabb, his own self, and the people around him. All of
this is guidance aimed at the edification of the Muslim and enabling him to
enjoy an ideal life both as an individual and as a member of the larger
society.
So it seems that the Muslim, as intended by these texts, is
supposed to be a decent, social person, whom this unique combination of
honourable characteristics distinguishes. These features are described in the
Qur'an and hadith, which present them as a religious obligation to be actively
pursued by man in the hope of receiving reward from Allah.
So I began to compile and classify references from the Qur'an and
Sunnah. As I gathered more material, the subject became clearer and I was able
to identify the following topics:
1. The Muslim and his Rabb
2. The Muslim and his own self
3. The Muslim and his parents
4. The Muslim and his wife
5. The Muslim and his children
6. The Muslim and his relatives
7. The Muslim and his neighbour
8. The Muslim and his Muslim brothers and friends
9. The Muslim and his community/society
Through studying the wealth of knowledge contained in these
sources, I realized the greatness of Allah's mercy to His slaves, in that He
has rescued them from error and sent them true guidance via His Messengers,
Books and Laws, so that mankind may be shown the Straight Path and saved from
stumbling and groping blindly in the dark. Human beings are in great need of
this guidance and education, so that they will be able to practise their
humanity and play the role in this life that Allah intended them to play. Had
it not for this Divine guidance, mankind would have been left wallowing in the
mire of selfishness, hatred, domination and oppression. The evidence for this
is apparent in the behaviour of the child, who strives to show his parents that
he is better than his brother and seeks to deny that his brother has any of the
same decent qualities to which he himself aspires. His natural inclination is
to defeat his brother and prove that he is better. This natural characteristic
is essential to man's well-being, so long as it is moderate and is held in
check. This inclination to prove himself motivates him to seek the best in
himself: the great satisfaction he derives from realizing the good qualities he
possesses encourages him to try even harder and achieve even greater things.
But if this desire to prove oneself is exaggerated and allowed to get out of
hand, it becomes a loathsome, dangerous illness which makes a person arrogant
and boastful, treating his peers with disdain, although he is the farthest
removed from the qualities he claims to possess. Here we can see the value of
religion and education in controlling this sickness, reducing his
self-admiration and pointing the way towards moderation, wisdom and humility.
Islam is the well-spring of all decency and honour in this life, and of the
sound educational and moral principles, high values and good behaviour that
have come down to us through the centuries from that pure, divine source. Human
beings are clearly more inclined towards looseness and ignorance than to
seeking to adhere to that which is right, because it is easier to fall down
than to lift oneself up, and to be lax than to follow the rules. So man needs a
deterrent to warn him every time he forgets and his foot slips from the
Straight Path. So thinkers and writers have a duty to explain these noble
values and present them in an easily-understood and attractive fashion so that
people will be able to develop the values and attitudes which Allah intended
for them, thus enabling them to enjoy a decent and pleasant life.
Allah did not reveal this religion of Islam from above the seven
heavens just for it to be the matter of theoretical discussions or sacred words
through the recitation of which people might seek blessings without
understanding their significance. Allah revealed this religion to govern the
life of the individual, the family and the society at large, to be a beacon
that would lead the people out of darkness into light:
"There have come to you from Allah a [new] light and a
perspicuous Book -wherewith Allah guides all who seek His good pleasure to ways
of peace and safety, and leads them out of darkness, by His Will, unto the
light guides them to a Path that is Straight." (Qur'an 5:15-16)
In the shade of this guidance, life becomes better, more pleasant
and enjoyable. The first step towards this life of guidance and light involves
the formation of a sincere Muslim individual who will present a vivid and
beautiful picture of Islam, so that when people see him they will see true
Islam, and when they deal with him their faith will increase.
This is what the Prophet (s) did at the beginning of his da'wah,
when his first step on the long road of Islam was to mould individuals who
would embody Islam and become as it were "Qur'ans" walking on the
face of the earth. Wherever they went in the world, they were a unique example
of a unique way of life. When people saw this unique way of life embodied in
sincere, believing individuals, they embraced this religion and entered Islam
in crowds.
Humanity today, and the Muslims in particular, are in great need
of such unique individuals without whom human life is unbearable, decent values
cannot be upheld, and the true light of Islam cannot shine forth. What does such
a marvellous human example look like? This is the question that will be
answered in the following Pages.
I ask Allah to accept this work for His sake, and to benefit
others through it and make it a help for me on {´the Day whereon neither wealth
nor sons will avail, but only he [will prosper] that brings to Allah a sound
heart.'} (Qur'an 26:88-89)
Muhammad Ali al Hashimi Riyadh 27 Jumada al Akhirah 1401 AH 1 May
1981 CE
Chapter 1. The Muslim and His Rabb
The believer is alert Islam requires of the Muslim, first and
foremost, that he be a true and sincere believer in Allah 'The Exalted,,
closely connected to Him, constantly remembering Him and putting his trust in
Him, while making the effort to help himself. The Muslim should feel in the
depths of his soul that he is in constant need of the help and support of
Allah, no matter how much he may think he can do for himself.
The true and sincere Muslim is alert and open-minded to the
magnificence of Allah's creation. He knows that it is Almighty Allah Who is in
control of the affairs of the universe and of mankind. He recognizes the signs
of His unlimited power in every aspect of creation, and so his faith in Allah
increases, he remembers Him constantly and puts his trust in Him:
{Behold In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the
alternation of Night and Day -there are indeed Signs for men of understanding
-men who celebrate the praises of Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on
their sides, and contemplate the [wonders of] creation in the heavens and the
earth, {with the thought}: 'Our Rabb! Not for naught have You created [all]
this! Gory to You! Give us salvation from the Penalty of the Fire.'} (Qur'an
3:190-191)
Obedient
to the commands of his Rabb
It comes as no surprise, then, that the sincere Muslim is humbly
obedient to Allah in all matters. He never transgresses the limits, and he
follows Allah's commands and guidance even when they are contrary to his own
desires. The test of the Muslim's faith lies in this following of the commands
of Allah and His Messenger (s) in all matters, great and small, with no
hesitation or reservation:
´None of you {truly} believes until his inclination is in
accordance with what I have brought.'1
{But no, by the Rabb, they can have no {real} Faith, until they make
you Judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance
against your decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction.} (Qur'an
4:65)
It is the matter of absolute submission and complete obedience to
Allah and His Messenger. Without both of these, there is no faith and no Islam.
Therefore the sincere Muslim does not deviate from the guidance of Allah or
ignore the commands of His Messenger, whether these concern him as an
individual or those over whom he has authority and for whom he is responsible
(i.e., the members of his family).
1 Al-Nawawi's Forty hadith, hadith No. 41 (p. 124).
He has a
sense of responsibility for those under his authority
If any member of the Muslim's family is neglectful or failing in
his or her duties towards Allah and His Messenger, then he is responsible:
´Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his
flock (i.e., those over whom you have authority). (Bukhari and Muslim)
The sense of responsibility that the sincere Muslim feels when a
member of his family is failing in some important regard disturbs him greatly.
He cannot bear it, so he will hasten to deal with its causes despite the
consequences. The only one who can ignore such a responsibility and keep quiet
about it is the man whose faith is weak and whose manhood is lacking.
He
accepts the will and decree of Allah
The sincere Muslim is always content to accept the will and decree
of Allah, remembering the hadith:
´How amazing is the affair of the Muslim His affairs are all good.
If he experiences ease, he is grateful, and that is good for him. If he
experiences hardship, he faces it with patience and perseverance, and that is
also good for him. (Bukhari)
The sincere Muslim is convinced that belief in the will and decree
of Allah is one of the pillars of faith. Whatever befalls him in life cannot
have been avoided, because Allah has decreed it. His acceptance of the divine
will and decree will earn him a great reward from Allah, Who will count him as
one of the successful, obedient believers.
This is why the hadith says that the Muslim's affairs are all
good. If he goes through a time of ease, he will give much thanks to his
generous Rabb for His bounty, and if he goes through a time of hardship he will
bear it with patience and fortitude, following the commands of his Rabb and
accepting His will and decree. Whatever the case, it is truly good for him.
The one
who turns to Allah in repentance
The Muslim may find himself becoming neglectful and slipping from
the Straight Path, so that he may commit a sin which does not befit him as a
humble and vigilant believer, but he will soon remember his Rabb, turn away
from his error and seek forgiveness for his failings:
{Those who fear Allah, when a thought of evil from Satan assaults
them, bring Allah to remembrance when lo They see {aright} } (Qur'an 7: 201)
The heart filled with love and fear of Allah will not be overcome
by negligence. It is those who ignore Allah's commands and guidance who will be
led astray. The heart of the sincere Muslim is ever eager to repent and seek
forgiveness, and rejoices in obedience, guidance and the pleasure of Allah.
His main
concern is the pleasure of his Rabb
The sincere Muslim seeks to earn the pleasure of Allah in
everything that he does. He is not concerned with seeking the approval of
others, and indeed he may incur the wrath and hatred of people in the course of
his efforts to win divine favour, as the Prophet (s) 'Blessings and Peace be
upon him', said:
´Whoever seeks the pleasure of Allah at the risk of displeasing
the people, Allah will take care of him and protect him from them. But whoever
seeks the pleasure of the people at the risk of angering Allah, Allah will
abandon him to the care of the people.' 1
Consequently, he measures Allah's deeds against his desire to
attain the pleasure of Allah, and will retain or discard any practise
accordingly. Thus the Muslim will have appropriate standards, and the Straight
Path will be clearly signposted for him. He will avoid falling into ridiculous
contradictions whereby he obeys Allah in one matter and disobeys Him in
another, or he regards something as halal one year and haram the next. There is
no room for contradictions as long as the standards are correct and the
principles are sound.
One often notices people who pray devotedly in the mosque, then
when one sees them in the marketplace, they are dealing with rib (usury or
interest), or if one sees them in the home, the street, the school or the
neighbourhood, it is apparent that they are not applying the laws of Allah to
their own selves, their wives, their children or any of those under their care.
These people are afflicted by a severe misunderstanding of the reality of
Islam, this holistic religion that in all affairs directs the Muslim towards a
greater purpose, namely the pleasure of Allah, may He be glorified. This
greater purpose leads the Muslim to measure Allah's deeds against the standards
laid down by Allah. So these people would appear to be
"semi-Muslims": they are Muslims in name only. This split personality
is one of the greatest dangers that Muslims are currently facing.
He
regularly performs the duties and good deeds required by Islam
The sincere Muslim performs all obligatory deeds and adheres to
the pillars of Islam, completely and devotedly. He does not slacken, do it
halfheartedly or seek excuses not to do it. So he establishes prayer,
performing each of the five daily prayers on time, for prayer is the pillar of
the faith -whoever establishes prayer establishes faith, and whoever neglects prayer
destroys the faith.1
Prayer is the best of deeds, as is made clear in the hadith
narrated by Ibn Masud (r) 'May Allah be pleased with him, in which he said:
´I asked the Messenger of Allah (s): 'What deed is most loved by
Allah?' He said, 'To offer each prayer as soon as it is due.' I asked him,
'Then what?' He said, 'Treating one's parents with honour and respect.' I asked
him, 'Then what?' He said, 'jihad for the sake of Allah.' (Bukharii and Muslim)
Prayer is so important because it is a direct link between the
servant and his Rabb, in which he distances himself from the concerns of daily
life and focuses himself entirely on his Rabb, asking Him for help, guidance
and perseverance to continue along the Straight Path. So it is hardly
surprising that prayer is considered to be the best of deeds, because it is the
source from which the believer may replenish his taqwa and the spring in whose
pure water he may cleanse himself of his sins.
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, al-Qada'i and Ibn 'Asakir. Its isnad is
hasan. 1 See Ihya , 'ulum al-din, 1/147
Abu Hurayrah (r) said:
´I heard the Messenger of Allah (s) say: 'What would you think if
there were a river running by the door of any of you, and he bathed in it five
times every day, would any trace of dirt be left on him?' The people said,
'There would be no trace of dirt on him.' He said: 'This is like the five daily
prayers, through which Allah erases sin.' (Bukharii and Muslim)
Jabir (r) said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) said: 'The five daily prayers are like
a deep river flowing by the door of any of you, in which he bathes five times
each day.'' (Muslim)
Ibn Masud (r) said:
´A man kissed a woman, then he came to the Prophet (s) and told
him what he had done. Then Allah revealed the Ayah: {'And establish regular
prayers at the two ends of the day and at the approaches of the night: for
those things that are good remove those that are evil . . .'} (Qur'an 11:114).
The man said, 'Does it apply to me?, The Prophet (s) said: 'It applies to all
of my Ummah.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Abu Hurayrah (r) said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) said: 'The five daily prayers, from
Friday to Friday, are an expiation for the sins committed in the time between
prayers, so long as no major sins (NDE ·LU) are committed.'' (Muslim)
'Uthman ibn 'Affan (r) said:
´I heard the Messenger of Allah (s) saying: 'There is no Muslim
who, when the times for prayer comes, performs Wudu properly, concentrates on
his prayer and bows correctly, but the prayer will be an expiation for the sins
committed prior to it, so long as no major sin has been committed. This is the
case until the end of time.'' (Muslim)
The hadiths and reports that extol the virtues of prayer and
describe its importance and benefits are many. It is not possible to quote all
of them here.
The devout Muslim tries to pray in the first jam 'ah
(congregation) in the mosque whenever he can, because the Prophet (s) told us
that ´prayer offered in MDP 'DK is twenty seven times better than prayer
offered individually. (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet (s) said that the Muslim,
´If he performs Wudu properly, then goes out with the sole
intention of going to pray in the mosque, then for each step he takes, his
status in Paradise will be raised by one degree, and one of his sins will be
forgiven.1 When he prays, as long as he remains in his place of prayer and his
Wudu does not become invalidated, the angels will continue to pray for him: 'O
Allah, bless him, O Allah, have mercy on him. He is regarded as being in a
state of prayer so long as he is waiting for the prayer. (Bukhari and Muslim)
1 For this reason, 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) used to take short
strides when he went to the mosque, in order to increase the number of steps he
took, so that his reward would be increased accordingly.
The Prophet (s) spoke of the promise of Paradise for the one who
is keen to pray in congregation in the mosque morning and evening:
´Allah will prepare a place in Paradise for the one who goes to
the mosque in the morning or in the evening, each time he goes to the mosque.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Consequently, the Sahabah (Companions of the Prophet), may Allah
be pleased with them, were always eager to attend prayers in congregation.
Referring to this, 'Abdullah ibn Masud (r) said:
´Whoever aspires to meet Allah as a Muslim, let him uphold the
habit of attending prayers whenever the call to prayer is given. Allah has
shown your Prophet (s) the way of guidance, and these prayers (in the mosque)
are part of that way. If you pray in your homes like this man who stayed in his
home, then you have abandoned the Sunnah of your Prophet, and if you have
abandoned the Sunnah of your Prophet, then you have gone astray. There was a
time when the only type of person who would stay at home at the time of prayer
was the one who was known to be a hypocrite. At that time, a man would be
brought supported1 by two others, until he stood in the row of worshippers.'
(Muslim)
The Prophet (s) was so concerned that people should attend the
congregational prayers in the mosque that he wanted to burn down the houses of
those who failed to join the congregation:
´By the One in Whose hand is my soul, I wanted to give orders that
wood should be gathered and brought to me, then I would have ordered the call
to prayer to be given, and would have appointed a man to lead the prayer, then
I would have gone to the ones who were absent from the congregation and burnt
their houses down around them. (Bukhari and Muslim)
It comes as no surprise, then, to learn of Sa'id ibn al-Musayyab,
who in thirty years never saw the back of another man in the mosque, because he
was always in the first row before the adhan (call to prayer). There are many
such examples in the history of Islam.
Distance was no object for the Sahabah, who would attend the
mosque whenever they heard the call to prayer, no matter how far their homes
were from the mosque. The congregational prayer was so dear to them that they
would even rejoice in the distance between their homes and the mosque, because
each step they took to reach it would be recorded among the good deeds for
which they would be rewarded.
Ubayy ibn Ka'b (r) said:
´There was a man of the Ansar whose house was farther from the
mosque than anyone else I knew, but he never missed a prayer Someone asked him,
'Why do you not buy a donkey to ride when it is dark or it is very hot?' He
said, 'I would not like my house to be next to the mosque, because I want my
walking to the mosque then back home to my family to be recorded among my good
deeds.' The Messenger of Allah (s) said: 'Allah has given all of that to you as
a reward.'' (Muslim)
1 This is referring to physical weakness or sickness, which did
not prevent a person from attending the prayer in the mosque. (Author) The
Prophet (s) advised those Sahabah whose homes were far from the mosques not to
move to houses that were nearer. He reassured them that their efforts to reach
the mosque would be recorded among their good deeds, and that their many steps
would not go to waste. Jabir (r) said:
´Some areas around the mosque became vacant, so Banu Salamah
wanted to move there. When the Prophet (s) heard about it, he told them, 'I
have heard that you want to move near the mosque.' They said, 'Yes, O Messenger
of Allah, that is what we wanted to do.' He said, 'O Banu Salamah, stay where
you are, so that your efforts to reach the mosque will be recorded among your
good deeds.' They said, 'We would not like to have moved.'' (Muslim)1
Abu Musa (r) said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) said: 'The one who will receive the
greatest reward for his prayer is the one who has come the farthest distance,
and the one who waits to pray with the imam will receive a greater reward than
the one who prays, then goes to sleep.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Believers are particularly encouraged, in several hadiths, to
attend the congregational prayers in the morning and in the evening. The
Prophet (s) explained that there is a great reward for those who attend the
mosque for these two prayers (fajr and 'isha'). It will suffice here to quote
just two of these reports:
(1) 'Uthman ibn 'Affan (r) said: "I heard the Prophet (s)
say: 'Whoever prays 'isha in congregation, it is as if he stayed up half the
night in prayer, and whoever prayed fajr in congregation, it is as if he spent
the entire night in prayer.'' (Muslim) (2) Abu Hurayrah (r) said: "The
Messenger of Allah (s) said: ´No prayer is a greater burden on the munafiqun
(hypocrites) than fajr and 'isha. If they knew how much (blessing and reward)
there is in them, they would come even if they had to crawl.' (Bukhari and
Muslim) The devout Muslim who is keen to succeed in the Hereafter will not
hesitate to perform as many nafil (supererogatory) deeds as he can, night and
day, because performing many nafil deeds brings the servant closer to his Rabb,
and includes him among those who receive His divine help, as is referred to in
the hadith qudsi (sacred):
´. . . My slave continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory
works so that I will love him. When I love him, I am his hearing with which he
hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his
foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give
it to him; and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.
(Bukhari)
Because of Allah's love for His slave, the person will be loved by
the inhabitants of heaven and earth, as is described in a report narrated by
Abu Hurayrah (r), in which the Prophet (s) said:
´When Allah loves one of His servants, he calls Jibril (a) 'May
Peace be upon him· and tells him: 'I love so and so, so love him.' Then Jibril
(a) will love him, and will proclaim to the inhabitants of heaven: 'Allah loves
so and so, so love him.' So the inhabitants of heaven will love him too, and he
will be well accepted by the inhabitants of the earth. If Allah hates one of
His servants, He calls Jibril (a) and tells him: 'I hate so and so, so hate
him.' Then Jibril (a) will hate him and will proclaim to the inhabitants of
heaven, 'Allah hates so and so, so hate him.' Then the inhabitants of heaven
will hate him, and he will also be detested by the inhabitants of the earth.'
(Muslim) 1 Bukhari reported a similar account from Anas.
The Prophet (s) used to stay up at night in prayer, standing until
his feet were swollen. 'A'ishah 'May Allah be pleased with her, asked him: ´Why
are you doing this, O Messenger of Allah, when Allah has forgiven all your
sins, past and future?' He replied, ´Should I not be a grateful slave"
(Bukhari and Muslim)
The true Muslim tries to perform Allah's prayers perfectly. It is
not merely the matter of going through the motions when the heart is empty and
the mind is wandering.
When he has completed his prayer, the Muslim does not rush
straight back into the hustle and bustle of daily life. Instead, he seeks
forgiveness from Allah, and praises and glorifies Him in the manner prescribed
in the Sunnah. Then he turns to Almighty Allah in humble supplication, asking
Him to guide him and to grant him the goodness of this world and the next.
Thus, prayer plays its role in the purification of the heart and soul. For
these reasons, the Prophet (s) used to say: ´The source of my deepest
satisfaction is prayer.' 1
Those who pray sincerely and humbly are under the care and
protection of Allah, so they do not fear when evil approaches, neither do they
become miserly when something good befalls them:
{Truly man was created very impatient -fretful when evil touches
him: and niggardly when good reaches him -Not so those devoted to Prayer . . .
} (Qur'an 70:19-22)
The true Muslim also pays zakah, if he has enough wealth. He
calculates the amount due, precisely and honestly, and pays it in a manner that
is in accordance with the requirements of Islam. Even if he has to
Hayathousands or millions in zakah, he would never think of an excuse not to do
so.
This is because zakah is a clearly-defined financial obligation
that is also an act of worship. The sincere Muslim cannot afford to fail in
this duty, which is prescribed by the Shariah. The Muslim who hesitates to pay
it is lacking in his religion and has a miserly and twisted attitude. It
suffices to note that it is permitted to fight the one who withholds payment of
zakah, even to the point of killing him, until or unless he fulfils his
obligation. The words of Abu Bakr
(r) concerning the apostates2 echo down the centuries to us,
reminding us of the connection that Islam makes between "religious"
and "worldly" affairs: "I will fight whoever separates salah
from zakah." This declaration of Abu Bakr (r) indicates that he had a
sound understanding of the nature of this comprehensive, holistic religion, and
of the close connection between salah and zakah, as he had seen the bayat of
the Qur'an revealed one after the other and emphasizing the connection between
salah and zakah: {. . . those who establish regular prayer and regular charity
. . . } (Qur'an 5:55)
1 Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisa'i, with a hasan isnad. 2
Apostates: following the death of the Prophet (s), numerous Arabian tribes who
had embraced Islam renounced the faith and rebelled. In particular, they
refused to pay zakah, although it was one of the central duties of the religion
they had sworn to follow. Abu Bakr (r), as khalifah, was responsible for
bringing them back into Islam, and restoring order and stability to the Islamic
state. [Translator]
{And be steadfast in prayer: practise regular charity.} (Qur'an
2:43)
{. . . {those who} . . . establish regular prayers and regular
charity . . . } (Qur'an 2:277)
The true Muslim fasts in Ramadan with the sincere intention of
earning reward, and with his heart full of faith: ´Whoever fasts Ramadan out of
faith and hope of reward, Allah's previous sins will be forgiven. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
He knows that the obligation to fast includes guarding his tongue,
his sight, and all of his other faculties, so as to avoid committing any error
which may invalidate his fast or cancel out his reward:
´When any of you is fasting, he should not utter foul words or
raise his voice in anger. If then anyone provokes or fights him, he should say,
'I am observing a fast.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
´Whoever does not give up false speech and evil actions, Allah has
no need of his giving up his food and drink. (Bukhari)
The fasting Muslim is constantly aware that this is a month unlike
any other: it is the month of fasting for the sake of Allah, and the reward of
Allah, the All-Bountiful and All-Munificent, is greatest and vastest than
anyone could ever imagine:
´The reward for every good deed of the sons of Adam will be
multiplied anywhere between ten and seven hundred times. Allah said: 'Except
for fasting, because it is for Me and I Myself will give recompense for it. He
gives up his food and his passion for Me.' For the one who fasts, there are two
times of rejoicing, one when he breaks his fast, and one when he meets his
Rabb. Verily the smell that comes from the mouth of one who is fasting is more
pleasing to Allah than the scent of musk.' (Muslim)
So the smart Muslim takes care to make the most of this blessed
month. He fills its days with fasting, prayer, reading Qur'an, charity and
other good works, and fills its nights with prayers, tahajjud and du'a's:
´Whoever spends the night in prayer during Ramadan out of faith
and hope of reward, Allah's previous sins will be forgiven. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
The Messenger of Allah (s) used to strive to do more good deeds
during this month than at other times, and especially during the last ten days
of it. 'A'ishah said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) used to strive during Ramadan, and
especially the last ten days of it, more than he used to at other times.'
(Muslim)
'A'ishah also said:
´When the last ten days of Ramadan began, the Messenger of Allah
(s) would stay up for the whole night, wake his family up, strive
extra hard, and abstain from marital relations. (Bukhari and Muslim) The
Prophet (s) ordered Muslims to seek laylat al-qadr and encouraged them to spend
this night in prayer:
´Seek laylat al-qadr during the last ten days of Ramadan. (Bukhari
and Muslim)
´Seek laylat al-qadr in the odd numbered nights of the last ten
days of Ramadan. (Bukhari)
´Whoever spends the night of laylat al-qadr in prayer and worship
out of faith and hope of reward, Allah's previous sins will be forgiven.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
So this blessed month is a time that is purely for worship. The
serious-minded Muslim has no time to spend on chatting and idle pursuits
throughout the night. He should not be among those who while away the night
until dawn approaches, whereupon they have something to eat and fall into a
deep sleep, and even miss the fajr prayer!
The Muslim who truly understands his religion does not stay up
late after he comes home from praying tarawih, because he knows that in a few
short hours, time, he will have to get up again to pray qiyam al-layl and eat
saÔr (pre-dawn meal) before he goes out to the mosque to pray fajr.
The Prophet (s) commanded Muslims to eat sahur, because there is
much goodness in it. He said:
´Eat sahur, for in sahur there is blessing. (Bukhari and Muslim)
This is because getting up for sahur reminds one to pray qiyam
allayl, and motivates one to go out to the mosque to pray fajr in congregation,
in addition to the fact that it helps people to fast and that it is the Sunnah
of the Prophet (s) that he also taught to his Sahabah. Zayd ibn Thabit (r)
said:
´We ate sahur with the Messenger of Allah (s), then we got up to
pray.' Someone asked, ´How much time was there between the two?' He said,
´Fifty Ayat (i.e., the time it would take to recite fifty Ayat) . (Bukhari and
Muslim)
The devout Muslim does not neglect nafil fasts at times other than
Ramadan, such as the day of 'Arafah, and the ninth and tenth days of Muharram.
Fasting on these days is among the good deeds which can wipe out one's sins, as
the Prophet (s) explained. Abu Qutadah
(r) said: ´The Prophet (s) was asked about fasting on the day of
'Arafah, and he said: 'It is an expiation for the sins of the previous year and
the current year.'' (Muslim)
Ibn 'Abbas (r) said: ´The Prophet (s) fasted on the day of 'Ashur
(the tenth day of Muharram) and commanded others to fast on this day too.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Abu Qutadah (r) said:
´The Prophet (s) was asked about fasting on the day of 'Ashur ·
and he said: 'It is an expiation for the sins of the previous year.'' (Muslim)
Ibn 'Abbas (r) said: ´The Prophet (s) said, 'If I am still alive
next year, I will fast on the ninth day (of Muharram).'' (Muslim)
Fasting for six days of Shawwal (the Islamic month immediately
following Ramadan) is similarly encouraged, as the Prophet (s) said:
´Whoever fasted Ramadan then followed it with six days of Shawwal,
it will be as if he fasted for a lifetime.' (Muslim)
It is also recommended to fast for three days of each month,
concerning which Abu1 Hurayrah (r) said:
´My dearest friend {i.e., the Prophet (s)} advised me to do three
things: to fast for three days of each month, to pray two rakahs of duha
prayer, and never to sleep until I pray witr. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Abul-Darda, (r) said: ´My beloved friend (s) advised me to do
three things that I will never give up as long as I live: to fast three days of
each month, to pray duha and not to sleep until I have prayed witr.' (Muslim)
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (r) said: ´The Messenger of Allah
(s) said: 'Fasting for three days each month is like fasting for an entire
lifetime.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Some reports describe these days as being the thirteenth,
fourteenth and fifteenth of the month, which are called al-ayy m al
b¯Ÿ (the white days); other reports state that the Prophet (s)
used
to fast on three unspecified days of each month.
Mu'adhah al-'Adawiyyah (r) said:
´I asked 'A'ishah, 'Did the Messenger of Allah (s) used to fast
three days in each month?' She said, 'Yes.' I asked her, 'In which part of the
month did he used to fast?' She said, 'He did not mind in which part of the
month he would fast.'' (Muslim)
The conscientious Muslim intends to go on hajj to the House of
Allah when he is able to do so. Before he sets out on his journey to the Holy
Places, he studies the rules of hajj in great detail, examining all its major
and minor aspects, so that when he performs the rites of hajj, his hajj will be
complete and correct. He fully understands the wisdom behind this great
religious duty and feels his soul filled with the faith and joy of Islam. After
completing hajj successfully, he will return to his family and his country as
free of sin as the day he was born, and filled with the awareness of the
greatness of this religion that has gathered the nations of the earth around
the House of Allah in a great international conference the like of which the
world witnesses at no other time, where despite the differences in skin colour,
nationality and language, the pilgrims are united in their response to the call
of Allah and in their glorification and worship of Him, the One Almighty God.
He is a
true slave of Allah
The Muslim firmly believes that his sole purpose in life is to
worship his Rabb:
{I have only created jinns and men, that they may worship Me.}
(Qur'an 51:56)
Worshipping Allah may be accomplished through every deed of man
that is aimed at building a civilization establishing the authority of Allah on
earth and living according to His commandments. The awareness that he is a
slave of Allah is deeply rooted in the heart of the Muslim, and is the
starting-point for Allah's deeds, through which he seeks to earn the pleasure
of Allah. So every deed a Muslim does may be as much an act of worship as the
rituals of his religion, so long as his intention is to do these deeds for the
sake of Allah.
The most important act of worship that Muslims can perform is to
strive to establish the rule of Allah on earth, and to follow the way of life
that He has prescribed, so that Islam will govern the life of the individual,
the family, the community and the nation.
The sincere Muslim will feel that his worship is lacking if he
does not strive to achieve the purpose for which Allah created jinn and men,
namely promoting the supremacy of the authority of Allah on earth, which is the
only way in which mankind can truly worship Allah:
{I have only created jinns and men, that they may serve Me.}
(Qur'an 51:56)
This is the only way in which the true meaning of "la il ha
ill Allah, Muhammad rasul-Allah" may be implemented in this life.
With this clear understanding of the reality of worship in Islam,
the Muslim cannot but be a man with a mission in this life, a mission aimed at
establishing the rule of Allah alone, in all aspects of life. His Islam cannot
be complete unless he shoulders the responsibility for fulfilling this mission
and devotes concerted, sincere efforts to that end. It is this mission that
gives the Muslim a true sense of belonging to Islam, and that is the only thing
that will make him join the ranks of the believing, striving Muslims and give
meaning to his life, as befits his role as a khalifah on this earth, one whom
Allah has preferred over most of His creation:
{We have honoured the sons of Adam; provided them with transport
on land and sea; given them for sustenance things good and pure; and conferred
on them special favours, above a great part of Our Creation . . . } (Qur'an
17:70)
No wonder that the sincere Muslim joyfully embraces this mission
and eagerly devotes Allah's resources -his time, his energy and his wealth -to
fulfilling it. It is the distinguishing characteristic of his life, for it entitles
him to draw closer to Allah. Without it, his life has no meaning, and there is
no guarantee of earning the pleasure of Allah except by devoting ongoing
efforts to accomplishing this mission. Striving to establish the rule of Allah
on earth is the greatest form of worship that the Muslim can undertake, for it
brings him closer to Allah and affords him the means of earning His pleasure.
So the Muslim continually strives to make this goal a reality. He gives
allegiance to no other cause, carries no banner except that of Islam, and
adheres only to the principles of this religion.
He often
reads Qur'an
In order to reach such a high level, the Muslim must always place
himself in the shade of the Glorious Qur'an, rejoicing in its refreshing
guidance and allowing it to point him in the direction of righteousness.
He reads Qur'an often with an attitude of humility and seeking to
understand its meaning. He sets aside regular times for reading, which he never
misses: these are times which he devotes solely to reading the words of his
Rabb. He lets the true meaning of the Qur'an flow through his soul, cleansing
and purifying it, and increasing his wisdom, faith and sense of security:
{...For, without doubt, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find
satisfaction.} (Qur'an 13:28)
The Muslim remembers the beautiful image of the one who reads
Qur'an as portrayed so vividly and eloquently by the Prophet (s), so that he
fills his days and nights with recitation of the Holy Book and rejoices in its
blessed meanings. The Prophet (s) said:
´The likeness of the believer who reads the Qur'an is like a
citron, whose smell is pleasant and whose taste is pleasant; the likeness of a
believer who does not read the Qur'an is like a date, which has no smell, but
its taste is sweet; the likeness of the hypocrite who reads the Qur'an is like
a fragrant flower which has a pleasant scent but its taste is bitter; and the
likeness of the hypocrite who does not read the Qur'an is like a colocynth
(bitter apple), which has no smell and its taste is bitter. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
The Prophet (s) said:
´Read the Qur'an, for it will come forward on the Day of
Resurrection to intercede for its readers.' (Muslim)
And he (s) said:
´One who reads the Qur'an fluently is with the honourable pious
scribes1, and one who reads the Qur'an and struggles to read it even though it
is difficult for him, will receive a double reward. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Can any Muslim then ignore the Qur'an and fail to read it and
reflect upon its meanings? In conclusion, therefore, the true Muslim's
responsibility towards his Rabb is to have deep, sincere faith, to do constant
good work, and continually to seek His pleasure, to be a true servant to Him,
and to fulfil the purpose of his existence as Allah has defined it:
{I have only created jinns and men, that they may serve Me.}
Qur'an 51:56)
1 i.e., the angels who record the deeds of man. The meaning is
that one who is well-versed in Qur'an will enjoy such a high status in the
Hereafter that he will be in the exalted company of these pious scribes.
[Translator]
Chapter 2. The Muslim and His Own Self
Introduction
Islam wants the Muslim to stand out among people, readily
distinguished by his appearance, dress, decent behaviour and good deeds, so
that he will be a good example and worthy of the great message that he brings
to people.
According to a hadith narrated by the great Sahabi Ibn
alhanzaliyyah, the Prophet (s) told his Companions, when they were travelling
to meet some brothers in faith:
´You are going to visit your brothers, so repair your saddles and
make sure that you are dressed well, so that you will stand out among people
like an adornment, for Allah does not love ugliness.' 1
The Prophet (s) considered an unkempt and careless appearance, and
scruffy clothes and furnishings, to be forms of ugliness, which is hated and
forbidden by Islam.
The true Muslim does not neglect himself, no matter how busy he is
with his Islamic responsibilities, because the outward appearance of a man
cannot be separated from his inner nature. A refined and pleasant appearance
befits a noble and decent essence: this is how the Muslim who is to call others
to Allah should be.
The smart Muslim is one who strikes a balance between the needs of
his body, mind and soul. He gives each the attention it deserves, and does not
exaggerate in one aspect to the detriment of the others. In seeking to strike
the right balance, he is following the wise guidance of the Prophet (s).
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (r) reported that the Prophet (s)
knew about his exaggeration in worship, because he told him ('Abdullah):
´Have I not heard that you fast all day and stay up all night in
prayer?' He said, ´That is true, O Messenger of Allah.' The Prophet
(s) told him: ´Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, sleep and
get up. For your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you,
your wife has a right over you, and your visitors have a right over you.
(Bukhari and Muslim) - - - - - How can the Muslim achieve this balance between
his body, mind and soul?
1 Reported by Abu Dawud, al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak. Its isnad is
hasan.
1-His
Body
Moderation
in food and drink
The Muslim takes good care of his body, actively promoting its
good health and strength. So he is moderate in his intake of food and drink,
avoiding greed and consuming only what he needs to maintain his well-being and
energy. This is in accordance with the guidance of Allah in the Qur'an:
{. . . Eat and drink: but waste not by excess, for Allah loves not
the wasters.} (Qur'an 7:31)
Similarly, the Prophet (s) also advised moderation in food and
drink:
´There is no worse vessel for the son of Adam to fill than his own
stomach, but if he must fill it, then let him allow one third for food, one
third for drink, and one third for air.' 1
'Umar (r) said:
´Beware of filling your stomachs with food and drink, for it is
harmful to the body and causes sickness and laziness in performing prayers. Be
moderate in both food and drink, for that is healthier for your bodies and
furthest removed from extravagance. Allah will hate the fat man (one who revels
in a life of luxury), and a man will not be condemned until he favours his
desires over his religion.' 2
The Muslim avoids drugs and stimulants, especially those which are
clearly known to be haram. He sleeps early and wakes early, and does not take
medicine except for illness. Besides this, everything in his way of life is
aimed at promoting his natural health and energy.
The smart Muslim knows that a strong believer is more loved by
Allah than a weak one, as the Prophet (s) said, so he tries to strengthen his
body through a healthy lifestyle.
He
exercises regularly
Although the Muslim usually enjoys good physical health, because
of his abstention from haram or harmful food and drink, and his avoidance of
bad habits such as staying up late or indulging in activities that may be
detrimental to his well-being, he must still make a concerted effort to improve
his bodily strength.
The healthy eating habits that he practises are supplemented by an
organized exercise program, appropriate to his physical condition, age and
social status. This gives strength, energy and vitality to his body, and
provides immunity to illness.
1 A hasan hadith, narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi, et al., and
authenticated as sahih by al-Hakim. 2 al-Kanz, 8/47.
If he is to reap the benefits of exercise, he plans to exercise
regularly and does not give up. All of this is done in an organized and
systematic fashion, but in moderation, as this is the hallmark of the true
Muslim in every place and age.
His body
and clothes are clean
The Muslim whom Islam wants to stand out among people is very
clean. He has high standards of personal hygiene, bathing frequently in
accordance with the guidance of the Prophet (s) who encouraged people to wash themselves
completely and wear perfume,1 especially on Fridays:
´Have a bath on Fridays and wash your heads, even if you are not
in a state of janabah (impurity, e.g. following sexual relations), and wear
perfume. (Bukhari).
The Prophet (s) placed such a great emphasis on cleanliness and
bathing that some of the four Imams considered performing ghusl before Friday
prayer to be obligatory (wajib).
Abu Hurayrah (r) said:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'It is the duty of every Muslim to take a
bath (at least) once every seven days, and to wash his head and body.' (Bukhari
and Muslim)
The true Muslim keeps his clothes and socks clean, checking them
from time to time, to be sure that they have no unpleasant smell. He also wears
perfume to help keep himself clean. It is reported that 'Umar (r) used to say:
"Whoever spends a third of his wealth on perfume is not being
extravagant."
The smart Muslim takes care of his mouth, for no one should ever
have to smell an unpleasant odour coming from it. He does this by cleaning his
teeth every day with a siwak, toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwashes. He also
visits the dentist regularly, to check his mouth, at least once a year, and
visits other specialists (such as otolaryngologists or "ear, nose and
throat" doctors) as necessary, so that his mouth will stay clean and his
breath fresh.
'A'ishah narrated that the Prophet (s) ´never woke from sleeping
at any time of day or night without cleaning his teeth with a siwak before
performing Wudu.'2
1 Wearing perfume in public is for men only; women are not
permitted to do so. [Translator] 2 A hasan hadith narrated by Ahmad and Abu
Dawud.
The Prophet's concern for oral hygiene was so great that he said:
´If it were not for the fact that I did not want to overburden my Ummah, I
would have ordered them to use the siwak before every prayer. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
'A'ishah was asked what the Prophet (s) used to do first when he
came home. She said: "Use siwak." (Muslim)
Regrettably, some Muslims neglect these teachings that are at the
heart of Islam, and do not pay heed to the cleanliness of their mouths, bodies
and clothes. So you may see them going to the mosque or to other religious
meetings and study circles, annoying their brothers with their unpleasant smell
and offending the angels who surround these blessed gatherings. What is really
strange is the fact that they themselves listen to and repeat the saying of the
Prophet (s) that whoever eats onions, garlic or leeks should not go to the
mosque because his breath may disturb the angels and the people:
´Whoever eats onions, garlic or leeks should not approach our
mosque, because whatever offends the sons of Adam may offend the angels.'
(Muslim)
The Prophet (s) banned those who had eaten these pungent
vegetables from coming anywhere near the mosque, lest the people and the angels
be offended by their bad breath, but these smells pale into insignificance
beside the stench of dirty clothes, filthy socks, unwashed bodies and unclean
mouths that emanate from some careless and unkempt individuals who offend
others in any gathering.
Imam Ahmad and Imam al-Nisa'i narrate that Jabir (r) said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) came to visit us, and saw a man who
was wearing dirty clothes. He said, 'Could this person not find anything with
which to wash his clothes?'"
The Prophet (s) did not like a Muslim to appear before people
wearing dirty clothes, if he had the means to clean them. He encouraged Muslims
always to dress in clean clothes and to present a neat and attractive
appearance. He used to say:
´There is nothing wrong with keeping two garments for Friday,
apart from one's work clothes.' 1
Islam frequently encourages its followers to be clean always, to
perfume their clothes and to ensure that their bodies always smell fresh and
clean. This is what the Prophet (s) used to do, according to the report that
Imam Muslim quotes from Anas ibn Malik, who said: "I have never smelt any
ambergris or musk that had a better scent than the scent of the Messenger of
Allah (s)."
Many reports describe the cleanliness of the Prophet's clothes and
body, and describe the sweet smell of his sweat. For example, if he shook hands
with a man, his beautiful scent would remain on that man's hand for the rest of
the day, and if he laid his hand on the head of a child, that child would stand
out from others by virtue of his sweet smell.
Imam Bukhari mentions, in al-Tarekh al-kabir, reporting from
Jabir, that the Prophet (s) never passed through a place but a person who
followed him would know that he had been there, from his lingering scent.
Once, the Prophet (s) slept in the house of Anas. He sweated, and
Umm Anas came to collect the sweat in a bottle. The Prophet (s) asked her about
what she was doing, and she told him: ´This is your sweat; we add it to our
perfume and it is the best of perfumes.' (Muslim)
How urgent is the Muslims, need to follow the guidance of this
great Messenger in his command to take care of one's hair and keep it neat in
accordance with the teachings of Islam. This is reported in the hadith that Abu
Dawud quotes from Abu Hurayrah (r), who said: ´The Prophet (s) said:
'Whoever has hair, let him look after it properly.''
1 Reported by Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah. Its isnad is sahih.
Looking after one's hair, according to Islamic teaching, involves
keeping it clean, combing it, perfuming it and styling it nicely.
The Prophet (s) did not like people to leave their hair uncombed
and unkempt, so that they looked like wild monsters. He described such an ugly
appearance as being like the Shaytan. In al-Muwatta, Imam Malik reports a
hadith with a mursal isnad from 'Ata' ibn Yassir, who said:
´The Messenger of Allah (s) was in the mosque, when a man with
unkempt hair and an untidy beard came in. The Prophet (s) pointed to him, as if
indicating that to him that he should tidy up his hair and beard. The man went
and did so, then returned. The Prophet
(s) said, 'Is this not better than that any one of you should come
with unkempt hair, looking like the Shaytan?' The Prophet's likening a man with
untidy hair to the Shaytan clearly shows how concerned Islam is with a neat and
pleasant appearance, and how opposed it is to scruffiness and ugliness.
The Prophet (s) always took note of people's appearance, and he
never saw a scruffily-dressed man with untidy hair but he criticized him for
his self-neglect. Imam Ahmad and al-Nisa'i report that Jabir
(r) said: "The
Messenger of Allah (s) came to visit us, and he saw an unkempt man whose hair
was going in all directions, so he said, 'Could he not find anything with which
to calm his head?'"
Good
appearance
The true Muslim takes good care of his clothes, so you will see
him presenting a pleasant appearance, without being extravagant. He is pleasant
to look at and to meet, and does not annoy people with his careless,
dishevelled appearance. He always checks himself before he goes out to meet
people, and he makes himself look good, in moderation, for the Prophet (s) used
to make himself look good in front of his Companions, as well as in front of
his family.
In his commentary on the Ayah:
{Say: Who has forbidden the beautiful [gifts] of Allah, which He
has produced for His servants, and the things, clean and pure, [which He has
provided] for sustenance? . . .} (Qur'an 7:32)
Al-Qurtubi said: "Makhul reported from 'A'ishah: 'A group of
the Companions of the Prophet (s) was waiting at the door for him, so he
prepared to go out to meet them. There was a vessel of water in the house, and
he peered into it, smoothing his beard and his hair. ('A'ishah said:) I asked
him, "O Messenger of Allah, even you do this?" He said: ´Yes, when a
man goes out to meet his brothers, let him prepare himself properly, for Allah
is beautiful and loves beauty.''
The Muslim does all of this in accordance with the Islamic ideal
of moderation, avoiding the extremes of either exaggeration or negligence:
{Those who, when they spend, are not extravagant and not
niggardly, but hold a Must {balance} between those {extremes}.} (Qur'an 25:67)
Islam wants its followers, and especially its advocates (d '¯s) to
stand out in gatherings in an attractive fashion, not to appear unsightly or
unbearable. Neglecting one's appearance to the extent of being offensive to
one's companions in the name of asceticism and humility is not part of Islam.
The Prophet (s), who was the epitome of asceticism and humility, used to dress
in decent clothes and present a pleasant appearance to his family and his
companions. He regarded dressing well and looking good as a demonstration of
the blessings of Allah:
´Allah loves to see the signs of His gifts on His slave.' 1
Ibn Sa'd reports in al-Tabaqat that Jundab ibn Mak¯th (r) said:
´Whenever a delegation came to meet the Messenger of Allah (s), he
would wear his best clothes and order his leading Companions to do likewise. I
saw the Prophet (s) on the day that the delegation of Kindah came to meet him;
he was wearing a Yemeni garment, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar were dressed
similarly.'
Ibn al-Mubarak, al-Tabarani, al-Hakim, al-Bayhaqi and others
report that 'Umar (r) said:
´I saw the Messenger of Allah (s) ask for a new garment. He put it
on, and when it reached his knees he said, 'Praise be to Allah, Who has given
me clothes with which to cover myself and make myself look beautiful in this
life.''
'Abdul-Rahman ibn 'Awf (r) used to dress in a cloak or garment
that was worth four or five hundred dirhams (Tabaqat Ibn Sa'd, 3/131), and Ibn
'Abbas bought a garment worth one thousand dirhams and wore it (Tabaqat Ibn
Sa'd, 3/131).
So long as this taking care of one's outward appearance does not
go to extremes, then it is part of the beauty that Allah has allowed for His
slaves and encouraged them to adopt:
{O children of Adam Wear your beautiful apparel at every time and
place of prayer: eat and drink: but waste not by excess, for Allah loves not
the wasters. Say, who has forbidden the beautiful [gifts] of Allah, which He
has produced for His servants, and the things, clean and pure, [which He has
provided] for sustenance? Say: They are, in the life of this world, for those
who believe, {and} purely for them on the Day of Judgement. Thus do We explain
the Signs in detail for those who understand.} (Qur'an 7:31-32)
Muslim reports from Ibn Masud (r) that the Prophet (s) said:
´No one who has even an atom's weight of pride in his heart will
enter Paradise.' A man asked him, ´What if he likes his clothes and shoes to
look good?' (Meaning, is this counted as pride") The Prophet (s) said:
´Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Pride means denying the truth and looking
down on other people.'
This is the understanding adopted by the Sahabah and those who
followed them sincerely. Therefore Imam Abu Hanifah (r) always took care to
dress well and to ensure that he smelled clean and fresh, and urged others to
do likewise. One day he met a man who used to attend his circle, who was
dressed in scruffy clothes. He took him to one side and offered him one
thousand dirhams with which to smarten himself up. The man told him, "I
have money, I do not need this." Abu Hanifah admonished him: "Have
you not heard the hadith, 'Allah loves to see the signs of His gifts on His
servant,? So you have to change yourself, and not appear offensive to your
friend."
1 A hasan hadith narrated by al-Tirmidhi and al-Hakim.
Naturally, those who call people to Allah should be better and
smarter in appearance than others, so that they will be better able to attract
people and make their message reach their hearts. Indeed they, unlike others,
are required to be like this even if they do not go out and meet people,
because those who proclaim the word of Allah should take care of their appearance
and pay attention to the cleanliness of their bodies, clothes, nails and hair.
They should do this even if they are in a state of isolation or retreat, in
response to the call of the natural unaffected inclination of man (fitrah)
which the Prophet (s) told us about and outlined its requirements:
´Five things are part of the fitrah: circumcision, removing the
pubic hair, plucking hair from the armpits, cutting the nails, and trimming the
moustache. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Taking care of oneself in accordance with this fitrah is something
encouraged by Islam and supported by every person of common sense and good
taste.
Nevertheless, paying attention to one's appearance should not make
a Muslim fall into the trap of over-exaggerating his grooming to the extent
that he loses sight of the sense of balance prescribed by Islamic teaching. The
Muslim always aims at moderation in all things, and is on the alert to prevent
any one aspect of his life from taking over at the expense of another.
The Muslim never forgets that Islam, which encourages him to take
care of his appearance and to wear his beautiful apparel at every time and
place of prayer, is also the religion that warns him against going to extremes
in that, and tells him to avoid becoming enslaved by his appearance, as the
hadith says:
´Wretched is the slave of the dinar, dirham, and fancy clothes of
velvet and silk If he is given, he is pleased, and if he is not given, he is
displeased. (Bukhari)
No doubt those who call people to Allah are saved from this error,
because they surround themselves with the protection of Islam and adopt the
principles of moderation that it has brought.
2-His
Mind
Knowledge
is an obligation and an honour for the Muslim
The Muslim believes that exercising his mind and seeking knowledge
and discovering the signs of Allah in the universe is an obligation, because of
the saying of the Prophet (s):
´Seeking knowledge is a duty on every Muslim. (Bukhari)
Therefore the Muslim must continue to pursue knowledge, as long as
the breath of life remains in his body. The fact that Allah has raised the
status of those who have knowledge, and described them alone as truly fearing
Him, should be enough to encourage the Muslim to apply himself to seeking
knowledge. For He said:
{. . . Those truly fear Allah, among His Slaves, who have
knowledge . . . } (Qur'an 35:28)
No one truly fears Allah except those whose minds are enlightened
enough to see the greatness and power of Allah manifested in the creation of
the universe and all living things, and these are the people of knowledge. So
He has preferred them over those who have no knowledge:
{. . . Say: 'Are those equal, those who know and those who do not
know? It is those who are endued with understanding that receive admonition.'}
(Qur'an 39:9)
Safwan ibn 'Assal al-Muradi came to the Prophet (s) in the mosque
and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I have come seeking knowledge." The
Prophet (s) told him: "Welcome, O seeker of knowledge! Truly the angels
surround the seeker of knowledge with their wings, gathering around him in
ranks one above the other, until they reach the first heaven, out of love for
that which he seeks."1
The texts that extol the virtue of knowledge and exhort its
pursuit are many, therefore the true Muslim is either a scholar or a seeker of
knowledge, and cannot be anything else.
Continuously
seeking knowledge until death
True knowledge does not mean obtaining a degree or diploma that
will let one earn an income and guarantee a good standard of living, after
which one turns away from learning and does not explore the treasure of
knowledge any further; true learning means that one continues to read and
study, increasing one's learning day by day, in accordance with the words of
the Qur'an:
{. . . But say, 'O my Rabb Advance me in knowledge.'} (Qur'an
20:114)
1 Reported by Ahmad, al-Tabarani, Ibn Hibban, al-Hakim with a
sahih isnad.
Our righteous predecessors never stopped seeking to increase their
knowledge, no matter how high a level of learning they had achieved, and they
would continue their pursuit until the end of their lives. They believed that
knowledge was a living thing that would thrive if it were actively pursued, but
would wither and perish if it were ignored and abandoned. Many sayings are
attributed to them that eloquently express their respect for learning and their
keenness to acquire knowledge. Examples of their sayings are given below.
Imam Ibn 'Abd al-Barr reported that Ibn Abi Ghassan said: "So
long as you are seeking knowledge you are knowledgeable, but as soon as you abandon
this pursuit you become ignorant."
Imam Malik (r) said: "No one who has knowledge should stop
seeking knowledge."
Imam 'Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak was asked: "How long will you
seek knowledge?" He said, "Until I die, for probably I have not yet
learnt the things that will benefit me most."
Imam Abu 'Amr ibn al-'Ala, was asked: "For how long does it
befit a man to seek knowledge?" He said, "For as long as he has life
in him."
Imam Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah gave an excellent answer when he was
asked "Who is most in need of seeking knowledge?" He said:
"Those who have the most knowledge." He was asked, "Why?"
and he replied, "Because if they make a mistake, it is worse."
Such was Imam Fakhr al-Din al-Razi (d. 606 AH), the great mufassir
(Qur'anic exegete) and prominent scholar in philosophy ('ilm al-kalam) and
other disciplines, who authored many works. Allah gave him such fame in
knowledge that people would come from all over to see him whenever he visited a
city. When he came to the city of Merv (in), flocks of scholars and students
came to have the privilege of listening to and learning from him. Among the
seekers of knowledge who attended his circle was a young man, less than twenty
years old, who was very well versed in literature and genealogy. When Imam Fakhr
al-Din realized that this student was an expert in genealogy, a field in which
he knew very little, he asked his student to teach him. He did not find it
unacceptable to become the student of his student, and he even made him sit in
the teacher's place while he himself sat at his feet. Such an act was
characteristic of Imam Fakhr al-Din al-Razi, and it did not detract from his
high status, as he was the Imam of his age.
This remarkable story was told by the literary historian Yaqut al-
Hamwi in his book Mu'jam al-udaba, (Dictionary of literary authors), where he
gives a biography of 'Aziz al-Din Isma'il ibn al-hasan al- Marwazi al-Nassabah
al-husayni, whom Yaqut met and spent much time with, so was able to write a
comprehensive biography of him. In this biography he says:
"'Aziz-al-Din told me: 'Imam Fakhr al-Din al-Razi went to
Merv. He had such a great reputation and was held in such awe that nobody dared
to argue with him; they would barely breathe in his presence. I went to meet
him, and I often went to study with him. One day he said to me: "I would
like you to write me a book giving the genealogy of al-Talibiyyin (the
descendants of Abu Talib) so that I may study it, for I do not want to remain
ignorant of it." I asked him: "Do you want it presented as a family
tree, or written down as a narrative?" He said, "A family tree cannot
be learnt by heart. I want something that I can memorize." So I went away
and wrote the book, which I called al-Fakhri. When I brought it to him, he took
it, then got up from his mattress, sat on the mat, and told me to sit in the
place he had just vacated. I thought this was too much, and told him: "I
am your servant." I reprimanded me severely, saying, "Sit where I
tell you!" Allah knows, I felt that I had no choice but to sit where he
told me. Then he began to read the book to me, while he was sitting at my feet,
asking me about anything he did not understand, until he finished the book.
When he had finished, he said, "Now sit wherever you wish, for in this
field of knowledge you are my teacher and I am your student, and it is not
right for the student to sit anywhere but at the feet of his teacher. So I got
up, and he sat in his rightful place, and I began to read to him, sitting where
he had sat previously.""
After quoting this incident, Yaqut said, "Indeed this is good
manners, especially for a man who enjoys such a high status."
How great was the love and respect these scholars gave to
knowledge! How highly they regarded it, and how great is the need for the later
generation to learn from the attitude of their forebears!
What
Muslim needs to know
The first thing that the Muslim needs to know is how to read the
Qur'an properly (with tajwid) and to understand its meaning. Then he should
learn something of the sciences of hadith, the sirah of the Prophet (s), and
the history of the Sahabah and Tabi'in, who are prominent figures in Islam. He
should acquire as much knowledge of fiqh as he needs to ensure that his worship
and daily dealings are correct, and he should ensure that he has a sound grasp
of the basic principles of his religion. This is the duty of the Muslim who is
not a specialist in the sciences of Shariah. If he is a specialist in a branch
of Shariah, then he does what every true Muslim should do, which is to do his best
to learn his speciality thoroughly and be successful in it. It goes without
saying that every Muslim also needs to learn Arabic properly.
The
Muslim should be proficient in his speciality
Besides this, the Muslim turns to his own speciality and gives it all
of his energy and pays a great deal of attention to it. He approaches it like a
Muslim who believes that it is a religious obligation to work in his field of
specialization, whether it is in Shariah or in another area of religious
knowledge, or in another field such as mathematics, physics, chemistry,
engineering, astronomy, medicine, industry, commerce, etc. Therefore he should
become proficient in whatever field he has specialized in, and should spare no
effort to read whatever has been written about it, both in his own language and
in others if he is able to. He should keep abreast of developments in his field
through continual reading and study of all its aspects. This is because, in
these times, the smart Muslim is the one who achieves great academic success,
which will raise his status in the eyes of other people. This in turn will
enhance his da'wah, so long as he presents it sincerely and earnestly, and in
accordance with the spirit of Islam and its teachings about knowledge.
Islam has made knowledge a duty, whereby the one who seeks it
draws closer to Allah and adopts it as a means of earning His pleasure. So we
see that the scholars of the early generation used to emphasize these sublime
principles in their introductions to their books, because through the knowledge
that they spent their lives spreading, they were seeking to earn the pleasure
of Allah, and they presented the results of their study purely for His sake.
The
Muslim exposes himself to information about other fields
The smart Muslim does not restrict himself to his own field, but
is open to learning about other areas too. So he reads books and academic,
literary and cultural journals about various useful branches of knowledge,
especially those that are related to his own field. In this way, he gains a
little knowledge about many things, which enriches his mind and broadens his
horizons.
The
Muslim is proficient in a foreign language
He does not forget to pay attention to foreign languages, because
these days, learning a foreign language is one of the most important tasks
required of the active Muslim who understands the demands of contemporary
Islamic life.
His religion gives the attentive Muslim a great incentive to learn
foreign languages. Fifteen centuries ago, the Prophet (s) encouraged the study
of foreign languages so that the Muslims would always be able to communicate
with various nations and races, and convey to them the message of truth that
Allah has entrusted to them to proclaim throughout the world. We see evidence
of this in the hadith narrated by Zayd ibn Thabit (r), in which he says that
the Prophet (s) told him:
´'O Zayd, learn the writing of the Jews, for by Allah I do not
trust the Jews to write anything down for me.' (Zayd) said: So I learnt it, and
it only took me a month to become proficient in it. Then I used to take down
whatever letters the Prophet (s) wanted to send to them, and I would read for
him the letters that they sent him.'
In another report he said: ´The Messenger of Allah (s) asked me,
'Do you know Syriac" I have received a letter in this language.' I said,
'No.' He said, 'Then learn it.' So I learnt it.' 1
Similarly, Ibn al-Zubayr (r) was proficient in a number of
languages, but learning them did not distract him from his religion or
preparing for the Hereafter. He had a hundred (male) slaves, each of whom spoke
a different language, and he used to speak to each slave in his own language.
If you were to see this man when he was dealing with worldly affairs, you would
think that he was a man who did not give a second's thought to the Hereafter,
and if you saw him dealing with religious matters, you would think that he was
a man who did not give a second's thought to this world.2
Nowadays, more than ever before, the Muslim needs to be proficient
in foreign languages so that he may know what is going on around him, both
positive and negative, and so that he may understand what has been written
about his Ummah and its heritage in languages other than his own, and thus be
able to defend his Ummah from evil and speak up for its well-being.
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith. 2
Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak 3/549, and Ibn Na'im in alhilyahh, 1/334.
3-The
Muslim's Soul
While he is taking care of his physical and mental needs, the true
Muslim does not forget that he is not comprised only of a body and mind, but he
also has a passionate, yearning soul whose higher longings motivate him to lift
himself up by devoting himself to worship, seeking the blessings of Allah and
fearing His punishment.
The
Muslim polishes his soul through worship
The Muslim is obliged to take care of his soul, so he starts to
polish it and refine it through constant worship and awareness of Allah, night
and day. He is alert to the devious tricks and deceptive whispers of the
Shaytan and if, in some moment of human weakness, evil thoughts come to him
from that source, he remembers Allah and finds his way back to the Straight
Path:
{ Those who fear Allah, when a thought of evil from Satan assaults
them, bring Allah to remembrance, when lo They see aright.} (Qur'an 7:201)
Therefore, the Prophet (s) used to tell his Companions:
"Renew your faith." He was asked, "O Messenger of Allah, how do
we renew our faith?" He said, "By frequently repeating la ilaha
illa-Allah."1
The Muslim seeks to strengthen his soul through various kinds of
worship which he performs out of obedience to and fear of Allah, such as
reading Qur'an carefully and with understanding, and remembering Allah with
humility, and praying correctly and with presence of mind, and other kinds of
worship and spiritual exercises, training himself to adhere to different acts
of worship until they become second nature and he cannot do without them. Thus
he develops and enhances his feelings until, in most cases, he becomes alert
and aware, conscious that Allah is watching him in public and in private, so
that he never mistreats the people he deals with and never deviates from the
true path.
1 Reported by Ahmad with a jayyid isnad.
He keeps
company with righteous people and joins religious gatherings
The Muslim seeks to attain this high status by keeping company
with righteous people who will teach one another, and him, about Truth (aqq)
and patience and constancy (sabr), and by frequently attending religious
gatherings where Allah's name is mentioned often, where there is discussion of
the greatness of Islamic teaching regarding the tarbiyah (education,
development) of the individual, the family and the community and where those
present ponder the might of Allah, the Subduer, the Omnipotent, from which
nothing in heaven or earth can detract, and meditate on the wonder of His
creation of the universe and of man. In such gatherings, souls are purified,
hearts are cleansed, and a person's whole being is filled with faith.
So 'Abdullah ibn Rawahah (r), whenever he met one of the
Companions of the Prophet (s), used to say, "Come, let us believe in our
Rabb for a while." When the Prophet (s) heard about it, he said, "May
Allah have mercy on Ibn Rawahah, for he loves the gatherings that the angels
feel proud to attend."1
The rightly-guided khalifah 'Umar al-Faruq (r) used to make the
effort to take a regular break from his many duties and the burden of his
position as ruler. He would take the hand of one or two men and say, "Come
on, let us go and increase our faith," then they would remember Allah.2
Even 'Umar (r), who was so righteous and performed so many acts of
worship, felt the need to purify his soul from time to time. He would remove
himself for a while from the cares and worries of life, to refresh his soul and
cleanse his heart. Likewise, Mu'adh ibn Jabal
(r) would often say to his companions, when they were walking,
"Let us sit down and believe for a while."3 The Muslim is responsible
for strengthening his soul and purifying his heart. He must always push himself
to attain a higher level, and guard against slipping down:
{By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it; and its
enlightenment as to its wrong and its right -truly he succeeds that purifies
it, and he fails that corrupts it } (Qur'an 91: 7-10)
So the Muslim is required to choose his friends carefully and to
join only those gatherings that will increase his faith, taqwa and insight. He
should avoid the bad company of the devils among mankind, and keep away from
gatherings of sin and disobedience which will only corrupt his soul:
{And keep your soul content with those who call on their Rabb
morning and evening, seeking His Face; and let not your eyes pass beyond them,
seeking the pomp and glitter of this Life; nor obey any whose heart We have
permitted to neglect the remembrance of Us, one who follows his own desires,
whose case has gone beyond all bounds.} (Qur'an 18:28)
He frequently repeats du'a's and supplications described in
hadiths Another way in which the Muslim may strengthen his soul and connect his
heart to Allah is by repeating the supplications which it is reported that the
Prophet (s) used to say on various occasions.
1 Reported by Ahmad with a hasan isnad. 2 Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/329
3 Ibid.
- - - - - So there is a du'a , which he would say when he left his
house, and others for entering the home, saying farewell to a traveller,
welcoming a traveller home, wearing new clothes, lying down in bed, waking up
from sleep, etc. There is hardly anything that the Prophet (s) did that he did
not have a du'a , for, through which he asked Allah to guide him, protect him
from error, to take care of him and to decree good for him, as is explained in
the books of sahih hadiths narrated from the Prophet (s). See, for example, al-
Adhkar by al-Nawawi and al-Mathurat by hasan al-Banna,.1 He used to teach these
du'a's and adhkar to his Companions, and encouraged them to repeat them at the
appropriate times.
The smart Muslim is keen to learn these du'a's and adhkar, following
the example of the Prophet (s) and his distinguished Companions, and he keeps
repeating them at the appropriate times, as much as he is able. In this way his
heart will remain in contact with Allah, and his soul will be cleansed and
purified. Through these spiritual exercises the Prophet (s) trained the souls
of the first generation of the Sahabah, so that they became pure and unsullied.
Islam wrought a great miracle in forming a refined, superior generation that
was unique in the history of mankind, one which made such wondrous achievements
in a few short years. The true Muslim, today more than ever, needs to train his
soul to soar to that high level and to live up to the heavy responsibilities of
his da'wah.
1 English-speaking Muslims who wish to learn du'a's may consult
Selected Prayers by Jamal Badawi, which is based largely on hasan al-Banna's
al-Mathurat, and includes transliterations and translations of many du'a's.
[Translator]
Chapter 3. The Muslim and His Parents
Treating
them with kindness and respect (birr)
One of the main distinguishing characteristics of the true Muslim
is his respectful and kind treatment of his parents, because to treat parents
with kindness and respect is one of the greatest commandments of Islam, as is
clearly confirmed in the Qur'an and Sunnah. The Muslim who is truly following
this commandment, which is a constant theme in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah
of His Prophet, must be characterized by his kind and respectful attitude
towards his parents.
He recognizes
their status and knows his duties towards them
Islam has raised the status of the parents to a level that is
unknown in any other religion, in that it has placed kindness and respect
towards them on a level that is just one degree below belief in Allah and true
worship of Him.
Allah revealed many bayat which reinforce the message that
pleasing one's parents comes second only to pleasing Him, and respecting them
is counted as a human virtue that is just one step below belief in Him:
{worship Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to
parents . . .} (Qur'an 4:36)
So the true Muslim is kinder and more respectful towards his
parents than any other person in the world.
The Qur'an paints a vivid picture of the high status of parents,
and explains the excellent way in which the Muslim should treat them, if one or
both of them should live to old age and reach the stage of senility and
incapability, to a degree that was unknown before the light of this religion
dawned upon the face of the earth.
{Your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you
be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life,
say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms
of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:
'My Rabb Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.'}
(Qur'an 17:23-24)
This is a divine commandment to the Muslim, which is presented in
the form of an ultimate and inescapable decree: {Your Rabb has decreed that you
worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents.} These words represent
the strong connection between worshipping Allah and treating parents with
kindness and respect, thus raising the status of parents to a level that wise
men, reformers and philosophers have never managed to ascribe to them.
This Ayah does not stop at drawing this vivid picture of respect
towards one's parents, but it goes on to mobilize the forces of mercy,
compassion and kindness in the hearts of children in a gentle way that is
filled with humanity: {Whether one or both of them attain old age in your
life.} When they reach the age of senility and infirmity, they are under your
care, and you must be careful to avoid uttering any word of complaint or anger
towards them: {Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them.} You must
take the time to choose the right words to say to them, words that will make
them feel loved and wanted: {but address them in terms of honour.} Your
attitude towards them should be one of respect, humility and obedience: {And,
out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility.} And pray for them for the
unforgettable favours they have done for you, as they took care of you when you
were small and weak: {And say: 'My Rabb Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they
cherished me in childhood.}
The open hearted Muslim finds frequent references in the Qur'an
which increase his respect for his parents and encourage him to treat them
kindly:
{worship Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to
parents . . .} (Qur'an 4:36)
{ We have enjoined on man kindness to parents . . .} (Qur'an 29:8)
{And We have enjoined on man {to be good} to his parents: in
travail upon travail did his mother bear him . . .} (Qur'an 31:14)
Anyone who looks into the Islamic sources regarding the kind
treatment of parents will also find plenty of hadiths that reinforce the
message of the bayatquoted above and reiterate the virtue of kindness and
respect towards one's parents, as well as warning against disobedience or
mistreatment of them for any reason whatsoever.
'Abdullah ibn Masud (r) said:
´I asked the Prophet (s), 'Which deed is most liked by Allah?' He
said, 'Prayer offered on time.' I asked him, 'Then what?' He said, 'Kindness
and respect towards parents.' I asked him, 'Then what?' He said, 'jihad for the
sake of Allah.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet (s), who was a great educator, placed kindness and
respect towards parents between two of the greatest deeds in Islam: prayer
offered on time and jihad for the sake of Allah. Prayer is the pillar or
foundation of the faith, and jihad is the pinnacle of Islam. What a high status
the Prophet (s) has given to parents!
A man came to the Prophet (s) to "make bay'ah" and to
pledge to undertake hijrah and jihad in the hope of receiving reward from
Allah. The Prophet (s) did not rush to accept his bay'ah, but asked him:
´Are either of your parents alive?' The man said, ´Yes, both of
them.' The Prophet (s) asked, ´And do you wish to receive reward from Allah?'
The man replied. 'Yes.' So the kindhearted and compassionate Prophet (s) told
him: ´Go back to your parents and keep them company in the best possible way.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
According to a report narrated by both Bukhari and Muslim, a man
came and asked the Prophet (s) for permission to participate in jihad. He asked
him, ´Are your parents alive?' He said, ´Yes,' so the Prophet (s) told him: ´So
perform jihad by taking care of them.'
In the midst of preparing his army for jihad, the Prophet (s) did
not forget the weakness of parents and their claims on their children, so he
gently discouraged this volunteer and reminded him to take care of his parents,
despite the fact that at that time he needed all the manpower he could get for
the forthcoming jihad. This is because he understood the importance of respect
and kind treatment of parents, and knew its position in the overall Islamic
framework that Allah has designed for the well-being and happiness of mankind.
When the mother of Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas objected to her son's
embracing Islam, she told him: "Give up Islam, or else I will go on hunger
strike until I die. Then you will feel shame before the Arabs, as they will
say, 'He killed his mother.," Sa'd told her: "You should know that,
by Allah, even if you had a hundred souls, and they left your body one by one,
I would never give up Islam." Then Allah revealed an Ayah which the
Prophet (s) recited to the Muslims, in which Sa'd was rebuked for the harshness
of his reply to his mother:
{But if they strive to make you join in worship with Me things of
which you have no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life
with justice {and consideration} . . .} (Qur'an 31:15)
The story of the devoted worshipper Jurayj, which was told by the
Prophet (s), is a vivid illustration of the importance of respecting one's
parents and being quick to obey them. One day his mother called him whilst he
was praying, and he wondered, "My Rabb, my mother or my prayer?" He
chose to continue his prayer (rather than answer his mother). She called him a
second time, but he continued praying and did not answer her. Then she called
him a third time, and when he did not respond she prayed to Allah not to let
him die until he had seen the face of a prostitute.
There was a prostitute in that locality who had committed adultery
with a shepherd and had become pregnant. When she realized that she was with
child, the shepherd told her: "If you are asked about the father of the
baby, say that it is Jurayj, the devoted worshipper." This is what she
said, so the people went and destroyed the place where he used to pray. The
ruler brought him to the public square, and on the way Jurayj remembered his
mother's prayer and smiled. When he was brought forth to be punished, he asked
for permission to pray two rak'ahs, then he asked for the infant to be brought
forth and whispered in his ear, "Who is your father?" The infant
said, "My father is so-and-so, the shepherd."1 The people exclaimed
"L il ha ill Allah!" and "Allahu akbar!" They told Jurayj,
"We will rebuild your prayer-place with silver and gold!" He said,
"No, just rebuild it as it was, with bricks and mortar."
Concerning this story, which is reported by Bukhari, the Prophet
(s) said: ´If Jurayj had had sound knowledge, he would have known that
answering his mother was more important than continuing his prayer.' Hence the
fuqah , suggested that if a man is praying a nafil prayer and one of his
parents calls him, he is obliged to stop his prayer and answer them.
1 This child is one of the three who spoke in the cradle. The
other two are 'xs ibn Maryam (Jesus the son of Mary) and the child who was with
his mother among the people of al-Ukhdud (the ditch). [Author]
He is
kind and respectful towards them even if they are not Muslim
The Prophet (s) raised his teachings to a new peak when he advised
his followers to treat their parents with kindness and respect even if they
followed a religion other than Islam. This is clear from the hadith of Asm ,
bint Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (r), who said: ´My mother came to me, and she was a
mushrik at the time of the Prophet (s). I asked the Prophet (s): 'My mother has
come to me and needs my help, so should I help her?' He said, 'Yes, keep in
touch with your mother and help her.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
The true Muslim who understands the meaning of this Qur'anic
guidance and the teachings of the Prophet (s) cannot but be the best and
kindest of all people towards his parents, at all times. This is the practise
of the Sahabah and those who followed them sincerely. A man asked Sa'id ibn
al-Musayyab (r): "I understood all of the Ayah about kindness and respect
towards parents, apart from the phrase 'but address them in terms of honour.'
How can I address them in terms of honour?" Sa'id replied: "It means
that you should address them as a servant addresses his master." Ibn Sirin
(r) used to speak to his mother in a soft voice, like that of a sick person,
out of respect for her.
He is
extremely reluctant to disobey them
If we turn from the commandments to treat parents with kindness
and respect, and look at what Islam says to discourage disobedience towards
one's parents, we find teachings that are aimed at making the disobedient child
realize the error of his ways. Disobedience towards one's parents is likened to
shirk, just as treating them with kindness and respect is connected to belief
in Allah. Disobedience towards one's parents is a heinous crime that the true
Muslim fears to commit, because it will diminish his reward and is, in fact,
viewed as one of the worst sins.
Abu Bakrah Nufay' ibn al-Harith said: ´The Messenger of Allah (s)
asked us three times, 'Shall I tell you the greatest sins?' We said, 'Yes, O
Messenger of Allah (s).' He said: 'Associating partners with Allah and
disobeying one's parents.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
His
mother comes first, then his father
In order to avoid any imbalance, such as the child treating one
parent well at the expense of the other, the Islamic teachings concerning one's
relationship with one's parents deal with the mother and the father
individually. So, as we have seen, when the man came to give bay'ah and pledge
to take part in jihad, the Prophet (s) asked him, "Are either of your
parents alive?" This indicates that the Muslim is obliged to treat both
parents equally well. Similarly, Asm , was ordered to keep in contact with and
help her mushrik mother.
A man came to the Prophet (s) and asked him:
´O Messenger of Allah, who among people is most deserving of my
good company?' He said, ´Your mother.' The man asked, ´Then who?' The Prophet
(s) said, ´Your mother.' The man asked, ´Then who?' The Prophet (s) said, ´Your
mother.' The man asked, ´Then who?' He said, ´Then your father. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
This hadith confirms that the Prophet (s) gave precedence to kind
treatment of one's mother over kind treatment of one's father, and the Sahabah
used to remind the Muslims of this after the death of the Prophet (s). Ibn
'Abbas (r), a great scholar of this Ummah, considered kind treatment of the
mother to be the best deed to bring one closer to Allah. A man came to him and
said: "I asked for a woman's hand in marriage, and she refused me; someone
else asked for her hand, and she accepted and married him. I felt jealous, and
killed her. Will my repentance be accepted?" Ibn 'Abbas asked, "Is your
mother still alive?" He said, "No." So he told him: "Repent
to Allah and do your best to draw close to Him." 'Ata' ibn Yassir, who
narrated this report from Ibn 'Abbas, said: "I went and asked Ibn 'Abbas,
'Why did you ask him if his mother was still alive?, He said, 'Because I know
of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah than kind treatment and
respect towards one's mother.,"1
Imam Bukhari opens his book al-Adab al-Mufrad with a chapter on
respect and kindness towards parents (birr al-walidayn), in which he places the
section on good treatment of the mother before the section on good treatment of
the father, consistent with the teachings of the Prophet (s).
The Qur'an evokes feelings of love and respect in the heart of the
child, and encourages him to treat his parents well. It refers to the mother
being given precedence because of pregnancy and breastfeeding, and the pains
and trials that she suffers during these two stages, in a most gentle and
compassionate way. It recognizes her noble sacrifice and great tenderness and
care:
{And We have enjoined on man {to be good} to his parents: in
travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his
weaning: [hear the command]: 'Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me
is [your final] Goal.'} (Qur'an 31:14)
What supreme teaching! What humane, compassionate direction: {Show
gratitude to Me and to your parents.} Showing gratitude to parents for what
they have done for their child comes second only to showing gratitude to Allah,
and is one of the best righteous deeds. What a high status this religion gives
to parents!
Then the child makes his way in the world and becomes rich, and
his wife and children distract him from caring for his parents. He forgets how
much his father spent on him, so he fails to spend on his father, thus earning
the anger of Allah. But the true Muslim is safe from this, because he is
constantly aware of the wise teachings of Islam, and responds to the words of
the Prophet (s): ´You and your wealth are for your father.'2
The true Muslim is struck by these teachings of the Prophet (s)
and his heart is filled with love, respect and kindness towards his parents.
Thus he is protected from falling into the sin of disobedience, and he will
truly be as the Prophet of Islam wanted him to be: he and his wealth will be
for his father.
1 Reported by Bukhari, al-Adab al-Mufrad. 2 Reported by Imam
Ahmad, Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah with a hasan isnad. The full text of the hadith
is: ´A man came to the Prophet (s) and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, I have
wealth and children, and my father wants to take all of my wealth.' The Prophet
(s) said, 'You and your wealth are for your father. Your children are among
your best earnings, so take from what your children earn.'' In another report
he said: ´Take it and enjoy it.' Imam al-Khattab¯ commented: "'He wants to
take all my wealth, means that he wanted to take it all and leave nothing. It
appears that the reason why the man asked this question was that he was having
to spend on his father, and the amount required would consume all of his
wealth, not just what he had to spare. The Prophet (s) did not give him
permission to stop spending on his father, but told him, 'You and your wealth
are for your father,, which means that if your father needed all of your
wealth, he will take as much as he needs, as if he were taking from his own
wealth. If you do not have any accumulated wealth, but you have an income, you
should earn money and spend it on him."
He treats
his parents' friends well.
Islam did not stop at teaching its followers to treat their
parents with kindness and respect, but it also enjoins them to show respect to
those whom their parents love.
Ibn 'Umar (r) reported that the Prophet (s) said:
´The best kind of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in
touch with and respect his father's friend.' In another report: ´One of the
best kinds of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with his
father's friend even after his father has passed away.' (Muslim)
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) met a friend of his father 'Umar (r), and
went out of his way to treat him well and show him respect. Some of those who
were with him said, "Is it not enough that you gave him two dirhams in
charity?" Ibn 'Umar (r) said, "The Prophet (s) said, 'Keep in touch
with your father's friend and do not break your tie with him, or else Allah
will extinguish your light.'' (Muslim)
A man asked the Prophet (s): "O Messenger of Allah, is there
any act of kindness or respect that I can do for my parents after they have
died?" He (s) said:
´Yes, there are four things: praying and asking forgiveness for
them; fulfilling their promises; respecting their friends; and keeping in
contact with your relatives, for you have no relatives except through them.' 1
The highest form of love, faithfulness and respect that a child
can show to his parents is to keep in touch with their friends, both during
their lifetime and after their death. The true Muslim always seeks to
strengthen the ties of friendship with those whom his parents love. He
continues to care about his parents even after they have died, so he never
forgets those old friendships and he maintains his ties with the circles of
friends forged by his parents. Noble human feelings such as these, and sincere
friendships, add beauty and enjoyment to life, and all of this depends on the
presence of true Muslims in this world.
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
In the West, the child leaves his parents when he reaches the age
of maturity and breaks the ties of kinship, never meeting his parents or
showing any compassion or feelings towards his father or mother. The child goes
his own way, scarcely looking back with love or respect to those who sacrificed
so much and are now facing the worst time of their life, after they gave the
best days of their lives for their children who were just starting out on life.
What comparison can there be between the ungrateful, disobedient
attitude of the child in the West towards his parents, and the respect,
kindness, affection and love shown by the dutiful Muslim to his parents during
their lifetime and after their death, and keeping in touch with their friends?
Surely no other system or way of life has ever equalled the unique way in which
Islam moulds people and instills humanity in them.
How does
he show kindness and respect towards them?
The Muslim who has been moulded by Islam is truly a man who is
kind towards his parents. He shows them the utmost respect, stands up for them
when they enter the room where he is sitting, kisses their hands, lowers his
voice out of politeness when he speaks to them, is humble towards them, speaks
to them in gentle tones, never lets harsh or hurtful words cross his tongue,
and never treats them in a disrespectful manner, no matter what the circumstances.
In all of this, he is following the command of Allah:
{Your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you
be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life,
say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms
of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:
'My Rabb Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.'}
(Qur'an 17:23-24)
If parents are deviating from true Islam in some way, the dutiful
Muslim son should, in this case, approach them in a gentle and sensitive
manner, so as to dissuade them from their error. He should not condemn them
harshly, but should try to convince them with solid proof, sound logic and wise
words, until they turn to the truth in which he believes.
The wise Muslim does not forget that he is required to treat his
parents well even if they are mushrikun. While he is aware that shirk is the
greatest of sins, he still fulfils his own responsibility, following the command
of Allah:
{And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in
travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his
weaning: [hear the command], 'Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me
is [your final] Goal. But if they strive to make you join in worship with Me
things of which you have no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in
this life with justice [and consideration], and follow the way of those who
turn to Me [in love]: in the End the return of you all is to Me, and I will
tell you the truth [and meaning] of all that you did.} (Qur'an 31:14-15)
Parents are the closest and most beloved of kin, but the bond with
them, although it is regarded very highly, still comes second to 'aqidah
(correct belief). If the parents are mushrikun and tell their child to join
them in their shirk, he must not obey them in that, for the Muslim must not
obey a fellow-creature in disobeying the Creator. The demands of faith take
precedence over all human relationships. However, the child is still obliged to
treat his parents with kindness and respect, and to take care of them.
Hence the true Muslim treats his parents with kindness and respect
in all circumstances, doing whatever he can to make them happy, within the
limits laid down by Allah. He spares no effort to show honour and respect
towards them, providing the best food, clothing and housing that he can afford,
appropriate both to their social status and environment, and to Islamic
standards. Above all, he should speak kindly to them, present a pleasant and
smiling face, and show love, tenderness, faithfulness and gratitude towards
those who are most deserving of this good treatment: his parents.
The respect and duty of the true Muslim towards his parents
extends even beyond their death: he should give money in charity on their
behalf and pray often for them, as Allah says:
{And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and
say: 'My Rabb Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in
childhood.} (Qur'an 17:24)
This, then, is the nature of the Islamic teaching concerning the
respect and kindness to be shown towards parents, and the nature of the dutiful
Muslim who is guided by it. But are Muslims today following this teaching after
being overtaken by materialism and blinded by the glare of modern civilization?
Nowadays our main concern is focused on wives and children, not on our parents.
Caring for our parents comes after our concern for our wives and children, and
parents may not even have that, unless their children happen to be among those
who have that sense of duty and deep taqwa .
The modern Western social structures that have taken over the
minds of many Muslims, do not include kindness and respect towards parents,
caring for them in their old age and protecting them from neglect in their
later years. This makes the man who is convinced of Western ideas think only of
his wife and children, and he hardly ever takes the time to look back with love
and kindness in gratitude to the generation that came before, those who stayed
up so many nights to care for him and who spent so much on his upbringing and
preparing him for life. When he thinks of a comfortable home, fine clothes,
good food and travel, he thinks in terms of providing them for his wife and
children; he barely gives a thought to the share his parents should have in
these luxuries, when they are most in need of receiving them from the hand of
their beloved son.
Treating parents with kindness and respect, giving generously to
them, speaking to them gently and politely, and smiling at them... This is the
essential attitude of the Muslim. Muslims should never abandon this attitude,
no matter how complicated life gets, or how it develops, or how many imported
habits they accumulate. This attitude is one, which will protect them from
hard-heartedness and selfish behaviour, and will return them to their original
character, humanity and faithfulness, so that they avoid sinking to the depths
of selfishness and ingratitude as others have done. And, above all, this
attitude will open the doors of Paradise to them.
Chapter 4. The Muslim and His Wife
Islamic
View of Marriage and Woman
Marriage in Islam offers tranquillity to the soul and peace to the
mind, so that man and woman may live together in an atmosphere of love, mercy,
harmony, co-operation, mutual advice and tolerance, and lay the foundation for
raising a Muslim family in a nurturing, sound environment.
The Holy Qur'an has described, in the most moving and eloquent
terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is
filled with tranquillity, security, love, understanding and compassion:
{And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from
among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your {hearts}: verily in that are Signs for those who
reflect.} (Qur'an 30:21)
Marriage is a union of souls, in the deepest sense. Allah joins
these two souls together so that they may enjoy tranquillity and stability in a
marital home filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy.
In Islam, the righteous woman is viewed as one of the joys of this
life, and a great blessing to a man, for he comes home to her and relaxes after
facing the struggles of life, and finds with her incomparable peace, comfort
and pleasure. The Prophet (s) spoke only the truth said:
´This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort
in this word is a righteous woman.' (Muslim)
Islam regards marriage very highly, and views femininity as
something to be valued and cherished.
The ideal
Muslim's wife
On the basis of this view of marriage and of women, the Muslim is
not attracted by the empty-headed attitude displayed by some girls nowadays.
Rather, he is attracted by a sound Muslim personality, and he takes his time in
choosing a partner for life, looking for a partner who has the right Islamic
characteristics which make for a stable and happy married life. Therefore he is
not interested in the superficial physical beauty, grace and elegance that are the
sole concern of empty-headed youngsters. While he may not ignore physical
looks, he must look for strong religious beliefs and practise, intelligence,
and good behaviour, following the advice of the Prophet (s):
´A woman may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her
noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is
religious, lest your hands be rubbed with dust (Bukhari and Muslim)
Although the Prophet (s) advised the young Muslim to look for a
religious wife, this does not mean that he should ignore his preferences
regarding physical beauty. The Prophet (s) encouraged seeing a woman before
finalizing the marriage, so that a Muslim will not find himself trapped in a
marriage with a woman he finds unattractive.
Al-Mughirah ibn Sha'bah said:
´I got engaged to a woman at the time of the Prophet (s). He asked
me, 'Have you seen her?' I said, 'No.' He said, 'Go and have a look at her,
because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between
you.'' 1
A man who had got engaged to a woman of the Ansar came to the
Prophet (s), who asked him: ´Have you seen her?' He said, ´No.' so the Prophet
(s) ordered him to go and see her.2
The Prophet (s) emphasized, in more than one hadith, the fact that
beauty is one of the basic characteristics that a man should look for in a
woman, besides the other, moral, characteristics that are desirable. Indeed,
the two are inseparable. For example, he told Ibn 'Abbas (r):
´Shall I tell you the most precious thing a man can have" It
is a righteous wife: when he looks at her he is pleased, when he tells her to
do something she obeys, and when he is away she is faithful and loyal to him.'
3
Abu Hurayrah (r) said: ´The Prophet (s) was asked: 'Which woman is
the best?' He said, 'The one who pleases him when he looks at her, who obeys
him when he tells her to do something, and who does not do something he
dislikes with regard to herself or to his wealth.' 4
1 Reported by al-Nisa'i, with a sahih isnad. 2 Reported by
al-Nisa'i and Ibn Majah, with a sahih isnad. 3 Reported by al-Hakim, who said
it is sahih according to the conditions of Bukhari and Muslim. 4 Reported by
Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, with a sahih isnad.
This is the guidance given by the Prophet (s) regarding the
personality of the woman who can bring happiness, tranquillity and stability to
a man, and who can make a cheerful, pleasant and secure home in which to raise
a brood of successful, courageous, intelligent children. The Prophet (s)
insisted that marriage should be firmly built on a solid foundation, striking a
balance between physical, mental, spiritual and emotional needs, so that it
will not be rocked by personality clashes or differences in attitude. Therefore
the true Muslim who is guided by the Shariah of Allah in Allah's affairs, does
not fall for the wiles of the "jezebels" who are the beautiful women
of bad character; rather he (s) tells people: "Beware of the
'jezebels·."1
He
follows the guidance of Islam in his married life
After marriage, the true Muslim adheres to the Islamic injunction
to treat his wife well. The Islamic recommendations concerning women, and the
way in which Islam encourages men to respect them, are nothing short of
amazing.
Islam recommends men to treat women well, and gives them a status
that they have never enjoyed in any other religion. So we see the Prophet (s)
admonishing all men:
´Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib. The part of
it that is most bent is the top. If you try to straighten it you will break it,
and if you leave it alone it will Civilization remain bent. So treat women
kindly. (Bukhari and Muslim)
According to a report given by Bukhari and Muslim, he (s) said:
´Woman is like a rib: if you try to straighten it you will break
it, and if you enjoy her (or your relationship with her), you will do so in
spite of her crookedness.'
According to a report given by Muslim, he (s) said:
´Woman was created from a rib. She will never be straightforward
and consistent for you in any way. If you enjoy her (or your relationship with
her), you will do so in spite of her crookedness. If you try to straighten her,
you will break her, and her breaking is her divorce.'
This description given by the Prophet (s) eloquently describes the
reality and nature of woman. She will not remain consistent in the way her
husband may wish, but the Muslim husband must understand that this is her
nature, the way she has been created. He should not try to straighten her in
the way he is convinced is correct, but he should respect her unique feminine
nature and accept her the way Allah made her, complete with the
"crookedness" that means that she will not be as he wishes in some
aspects. If he insists on straightening her and moulding her to his wishes, it
will be like trying to straighten a bent rib: it will break in his hands, and
the breaking of a woman is divorce (i.e., the matter will end in divorce).
When the Muslim husband truly follows this guidance of the Prophet
(s), which is based on a deep understanding of the psychology and nature of
women, he will tolerate his wife's mistakes and turn a blind eye to her faults,
recognizing that these are part of her nature. Thus the marital home will be
safe and calm, free from shouting or arguments.
1 "Iyyakum wa khadra, al-diman" (literally, "Beware
of the greens of dung") is a well-known saying in Arabic. It is a proverb,
not a hadith of the Prophet (s). [Author]
We may note that in the hadith quoted above, the Prophet (s)
started with the words "Treat women kindly," then after analyzing the
nature of woman, he ended with the same words: "Treat women kindly."
How great was the concern of the Prophet (s) for women, and how deep was his
understanding of their psychology! Does the sincere Muslim husband have any
choice but to follow this guidance and put it into practise at every moment?
The Prophet's concern for women reached such an extent that he did
not forget to remind Muslims to treat them kindly, in his farewell sermon
(khutbat al-wada'). This is the khutbah in which the Prophet
(s) reiterated the essential points of Islam, when he realized
that - - - - - this was the last time he would stand and address the Muslims
during hajj. He did not omit to advise Muslims to treat women kindly, beginning
his words concerning women with a warning that is indicative of his care and
concern:
´. . . Interact with women kindly, for they are prisoners and you
have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness,
then refuse to share their beds, and beat them, but not severely, but if they
return to obedience, (then) seek not against them means of annoyance. You have
rights over your women and they have rights over you. Your right over them is
that they should not entertain at your hearth anyone (or commit adultery with),
and not to allow into your home anyone whom you dislike, and their right over
you is that you should feed and clothe them well.' 1
This is good advice, in which every sincere Muslim husband
recognizes the wisdom of the Prophet (s) in defining the rights and duties of
husband and wife in a framework of mercy and compassion towards women which
leaves no room for even thinking of oppressing or harming one's wife.
The Prophet (s) gave many recommendations concerning women, to the
extent that he described the man who treats his wife well as being one of the
best and among the élite of his Ummah:
´The believer who has the most perfect faith is the one whose
behaviour is best, and the best of you are the ones who are best to their
women.' 2
Some women came to the family of the Prophet (s) complaining about
their husbands. So the Prophet (s) announced to the men:
´Many women have visited the family of Muhammad, complaining about
their husbands. Verily those are not the best among you.' 3
True Islam is pre-eminent in its fairness and respect towards
women, and in its recommendation to husbands to treat their wives well even if
they dislike them. This is something which women have never enjoyed throughout
their history, except in this religion. Allah says in the Qur'an:
{. . . live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you
take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings
about through it a great deal of good.} (Qur'an 4:19)
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith. 2
Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith. 3 Reported by Abu
Dawud, al-Nisa'i and Ibn Majah. Ibn Hijr said in al-Isabah: "Its isnad is
sahih."
This Ayah touches the heart of the true Muslim, so that his anger
is soothed and his dislike towards his wife is lessened. In this way Islam
protects the sacred marriage bond from being exposed to the danger of turbulent
emotions and the folly of changing moods. When a man came to 'Umar ibn
al-Khattab (r) and told him that he wanted to divorce his wife because he disliked
her, 'Umar (r) said, "Woe to you! Are families only built on love? Where
is your consideration and care?"
The marriage bond in Islam is of greater importance than emotional
whims and rises above the pressures of crazy animal urges. The true Muslim possesses
enough chivalry, nobility, courtesy, patience, generosity and strength of
character to make him rise above any dislike of his wife in his dealings with
her. Far be it from him to think only in terms of mindless animal instincts or
making a profit!
The true Muslim cannot do other than obey his Rabb; so he treats
his wife well even if he dislikes her, because he understands the words of his
wise Rabb about the things that are hidden from him, and they are many. A man
may dislike something and try to distance himself from it, when in fact it is
full of goodness and blessing. The true Muslim knows how to love and how to
hate. Love is not blind for him, neither does he go to extremes of dislike and
hatred, but in either case his attitude is moderate and balanced.
The Prophet (s) explained that even if a husband dislikes his
believing Muslim wife, she will still have some favourable characteristics
which will please him, so he should not ignore the good side of her character
and focus only on the negative aspects:
´No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes
one of her characteristics, there will be others that do please him.' (Muslim)
The true
Muslim is an ideal husband
The true Muslim abides by the clear, unambiguous texts of the
Qur'an which command him to treat women fairly and decently. He cannot be other
than an ideal husband, so his wife enjoys his gentle company and close
companionship, no matter how long they stay together. When he comes home, he
greets his wife and children with a smiling face and extends to them the
blessed greeting that Allah has enjoined and made the distinctive greeting of
Islam1:
{. . . But if you enter houses, salute each other -a greeting or
blessing and purity as from Allah . . .} (Qur'an 24:61)
The Prophet (s) encouraged Anas (r) to use this greeting: "O
my son, when you go home greet your family with salaam: it will be a blessing
for you and your family."2
1 The words with which Muslims should greet one another are
"alsalaam 'alaykum" (peace be upon you), not "Hi,"
"Hello," or "Good morning." 2 Reported by al-Tirmidhi who
said: it is a hasan gharib hadith.
It is truly a great blessing for a man to meet his family with a
pleasant greeting, for it contributes to a happy, friendly and pleasant
atmosphere. He should lend a hand if he sees that his wife needs his help, and
he should say some words of comfort if he feels that she is complaining of
tiredness, weariness or boredom. He should make her feel that she is living
with a strong, generous, tolerant husband who will protect her and care for
her, who cares about her and will meet all her legitimate needs as long as he
is able. He should also satisfy her femininity by making himself attractive to
her -within Islamic limits -and should give her a share of his time and
interest. He should not let his study, work, hobbies, responsibilities or
friends take up all of his time and keep him from her. Islam guarantees woman's
right to enjoy her husband to the extent that it even tells the husband not to
spend Allah's time in worship, which is the best and most honourable of deeds,
lest the balance and equilibrium upon which this religion is based be
disturbed. We see this in the report of 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (r), who
says that when the Prophet (s) learned of his overzealousness in worship, he
said to him:
´Have I not heard that you fast all day and stay up all night in
prayer?' 'Abdullah said, ´That is true, O Messenger of Allah.' The Prophet (s)
told him: ´Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, sleep and get up. For your
body has a right over you, your eyes
- - - - - have a right over you, your wife has a right over you,
and your visitors have a right over you. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Khawlah, the daughter of Hakim, who was the wife of 'Uthman ibn
Maz'un (r), came to the wives of the Prophet (s) wearing a tattered dress and
looking unkempt. They asked her, "What is wrong with you?" She told
them about her husband: "At night he stays up in prayer, and during the
day he fasts." They told the Prophet (s) what she had said, so when he saw
'Uthman ibn Maz'un, he admonished him and said, "Do you not have an
example in me?" 'Uthman said, "Of course, may Allah cause me to be
sacrificed for you!" Later, she (Khawlah) came back wearing fine clothes
and with a pleasant scent. According to another report, the Prophet (s) told
him: "O 'Uthman, monasticism has not been prescribed for us. Do you not
have an example in me? For by Allah, I am the one out of all of you who fears
Allah the most and keeps most strictly within His bounds."1
The Prophet (s) used to instil this guidance in his Companions and
showed them how to achieve fairness and balance between their spiritual lives
and their private lives with their spouses, until this fairness and balance
became second nature to them. Then they would encourage one another to adhere
to it, and would appeal to the Prophet (s) if one of their number sought to go
beyond the limits and was becoming extreme in his asceticism, self-denial and
worship.
1 See al-Hilyah, 1/106; Tabaqat Ibn Sa'd, 3/394; al-Kanz, 8/305.
Imam Bukhari narrated that Abu Juhayfah (r) said:
´The Prophet (s) established brotherhood between Salman and Abul
Darda'. Salman visited Abul Darda' and saw Umm al Darda' looking unkempt. He
asked her, 'What is the matter with you?' She said, 'Your brother Abul Darda'
has no need of this world.' Abul Darda' came and made some food for him, and
told him: 'Eat; I am fasting.' Salman said, 'I will not eat until you eat,· so
he ate. That night, Abul Darda' wanted to spend the night in prayer, but Salman
told him to sleep, so he went to sleep. Then he wanted to get up, but Salman
again told him to sleep. In the last part of the night, Salman told him, 'Now
get up.' So they prayed, and Salman told him: 'Your Rabb has a right over you,
your soul has a right over you, and your wife has a right over you, so fulfil
your duty to each one who has a right over you.' Abul Darda' came to the
Prophet (s) and told him about what had happened, and the Prophet (s) said:
'Salman is right.''
The conscientious Muslim does not neglect to relieve the tedium of
routine life with his wife, so he spices their daily life with a little gentle
humour and playfulness from time to time. In doing so, he follows the example
of the Prophet (s) whose whole life is the highest example for us. Although he
was constantly busy with the overwhelming task of laying the foundations of
Islam, building the Muslim Ummah, directing the army in jihad, and numerous
other concerns, he did not let that keep him from being an ideal husband to his
wives, treating them in the best possible way, with a smiling face and a touch
of gentle humour.
An example is the report given by 'A'ishah (r) who said:
´I came to the Prophet (s) with some harirah (a dish made with
flour and milk) that I had cooked for him, and told Sawdah (r) -as the Prophet
(s) was sitting between me and her 'Eat.' She refused, so I said, 'Either you
eat, or I will fill your face · She still refused, so I put my hand in the
harirah and daubed her face with it. The Prophet (s) laughed, put some harirah
in her hand, and told her: 'Do the same to her ·' In another report: ´He
lowered his knee (moved out of the way) so that she could get her own back on
me, then she took some from the plate and wiped my face with it, and the Prophet
(s) smiled.' 1
Is this not an example of tolerance and an easy-going nature which
makes a wife happy through a humorous and light-hearted attitude?
'A'ishah also reported that once, when she went on a journey with
the Prophet (s), she challenged him to a race, and won. Later, when she had
gained weight, she raced him again, but this time he won, and told her,
"This is for that."2
The generous-hearted Prophet (s) was so keen to make his beloved
young wife feel happy that he would call her to enjoy some innocent kinds of
entertainment that would gladden her heart. 'A'ishah reports that on one
occasion:
´The Prophet (s) was sitting, and he heard some noise from people
and children outside. There was a group of people gathered around some
Abyssinians who were dancing. He said, 'O 'A'ishah, come and see · I put my
cheek on his shoulder and looked through the gap. Then he said, 'O 'A'ishah,
have you had enough, have you had enough?' I said, 'No,· just to see how much I
meant to him, and I saw him shifting his weight from one foot to the other'
(i.e. he was tired, but he was willing to stay as long as she wanted to watch
the spectacle.)3
1 Al-Haythami, 4/316; al-Muntakhab 4/393; Kan-al-'Umm l, 7/302.
Al-Haythami said: It was narrated by Abu Ya'l , and its narrators are those who
narrated in sahih (Bukhari), except for Muhammad ibn 'Amr ibn 'Alqamah, whose
hadith is hasan. 2 A Civilization sahih hadith, narrated by Ahmad and Abu
Dawud. 3 Reported by al-Nisa'i via Yazid ibn Ruman from 'A'ishah. See also
different reports from her in Fath al-.ari, .ab al-'idayn (chapter on the two
Eids).
In another report, 'A'ishah said:
´By Allah, I saw the Prophet (U) standing at the door of my room,
when some Abyssinians were playing with spears in the mosque. The Messenger of
Allah (U) screened me with his cloak so that I could watch the spear play over
his shoulder. He stayed there for my sake, until I had seen enough. So pay
attention to young girls· need for entertainment. (Bukhari and Muslim)
When he sees the example of the Prophet's kind behaviour,
generosity and good humour towards his wives, the true Muslim cannot but treat
his wife kindly and gently, with an easy-going attitude, so long as this is
within the limits of permissible and innocent entertainment.
The true Muslim does not overreact and become angry for trivial
reasons, as many ignorant husbands do, creating uproar if their wives offer
them food that is not to their liking, or their meal is a little late, or any
of the other reasons which often cause an inordinate amount of anger, arguments
and trouble between the spouses. The Muslim who is truly following the example
of the Prophet (s) always remembers aspects of his character that remind him to
be generous, kind and tolerant. So he remembers that one of
- - - - - the characteristics of the Prophet (s) is that ´he never
criticized food. If he liked it, he ate it, and if he did not like it, he
simply left it. (Bukhari and Muslim)
And he remembers that the Prophet (s) asked his family for some simple
food he could eat with bread. They told him, "We have nothing apart from
vinegar." He asked them to bring it and said, ´How good a simple food is
vinegar, how good a simple food is vinegar.' (Muslim)
Let them listen to this hadith, those foolish husbands whose eyes
flash with anger at their wives, mistakes, when their food is a little late or
not to their liking. Their poor wives may have genuine, pressing reasons for
making these mistakes, but these husbands become angry without caring to know
those reasons, on the basis of an incorrect understanding of the phrase
"men are qawwamun over women"!
The true Muslim husband does not stop at showing kindness and
generosity towards his wife, but he extends his respect and kindness towards
her decent (female) friends. This is in accordance with the practise of the
Prophet (s). 'A'ishah narrated:
´An old woman came to the Prophet (s) and he smiled at her, showed
her respect, and asked her, 'How are you" How have you been doing?' She
answered, 'I am fine, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you, O
Messenger of Allah.'' When she had left, 'A'ishah said, ´Why did you welcome
this old woman so warmly, in a way that you do not welcome anyone else?' The
Prophet (s) replied, ´She used to come and visit us when Khadijah was alive. Do
you not know that honouring the ties of friendship is part of faith?' 1
A wife may become angry for any reason, and keep away from her
husband, making him feel her anger. In this case, the Muslim husband responds
with tolerance and kindness, based on his deep insight into the psychology and
nature of woman, as the Prophet (s) used to treat his wives whenever they were
angry with him and kept away from him all day until night fell.
1 Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak; he said it is sahih
according to the condition of Bukhari and Muslim.
'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) said: "We Quraysh used to have
control over our women. When we came to Madinah we found a people whose women
had control over them, and our women began to learn from their women. I used to
live in al-'Awali, among Banu Umayyah ibn Zayd. One day my wife was angry with
me, and was arguing with me. I did not like this, but she told me, 'Do you not
like me arguing with you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet (s) argue with
him. They get angry and keep away from him all day, until night falls!, So I
went to see Hafsah and asked her, 'Do you argue with the Prophet (s)?, She
said, 'Yes., I asked her, 'Do you get angry and keep away from him all day
until night falls?, She said, 'Yes., I said, 'The one who does that is doomed
to loss! Do you not fear the anger of Allah on the account of the anger of His
Prophet? Soon you will be condemned! Do not argue with the Messenger of Allah,
and do not ask him for anything. Ask me for whatever you need.," (Bukhari,
Muslim, al-Tirmidhi and al-Nisa'i) 'Umar came to the Prophet (s) and told him
about what had happened in his house, and the conversation he had with Hafsah,
and the Prophet (s) smiled.
The Muslim should develop this tolerant attitude, so that he will
be following the example of the Prophet (s) in his behaviour and deeds. Then he
will be living proof that Islam is the religion of a superior lifestyle; and
that the misery, disintegration, confusion and anxiety that individuals,
families and societies are suffering from are caused by man's ignorance and
misconceptions of the noble values promulgated by Islam. These are precious
principles which, if adopted by the husband, would put an end to arguments and
divisions in family life, and would bring peace, stability, happiness and
security to the home.
One of
the most successful husbands
Hence the smart Muslim husband is one of the most successful
husbands ever, and the most beloved to a faithful, pure, righteous wife,
because of his adherence to the guidance of Islam. He has a deep and
compassionate understanding of her nature and psychology, and he directs her
towards the straight path of Islam, which is in complete harmony with the true
nature of mankind. He recognizes her inclinations, desires and moods, and tries
to reconcile between them and the ideal life and behaviour he wants for her,
while never forgetting for an instant that she has been created from a bent rib,
and straightening a bent rib is impossible.
He
understands his wife and respects her feelings
The true Muslim always understands his wife and respects her
feelings. He does not criticize her family or any of her relations in front of
her, out of respect for her feelings. In return, she respects his feelings and
does not do or say anything that may adversely affect any member of his family.
He does not disclose any secret that she has entrusted to him, or
spread any story that she has told him in confidence, for carelessness in such
matters all too often explodes into conflict between the spouses and
extinguishes the love between them. The sincere Muslim husband is protected
from all of that, so long as he continues to follow the guidance of Islam.
He helps her
to make up for her failings and weaknesses
The sincere Muslim husband tries to make up for what his wife
lacks, if he feels that she is lacking in knowledge or manners. He does this in
the gentlest, kindest and most positive manner. If he encounters defiance or
wilful deviance on her part, he brings her back to the straight and narrow in a
gentle, humane and intelligent manner, avoiding harsh criticism or rebuking her
in front of people, no matter what the reason. The most hurtful thing for a
woman is that someone should hear her being reprimanded or witness her being
scolded. The true Muslim is the most sensitive and respectful towards the
feelings of others.
He knows
how to strike a balance between pleasing his wife and treating his mother with
due kindness and respect
The sincere Muslim husband draws upon his intelligence, compassion
and strength of character in his dealings with both his wife and his mother, in
such a way that he does not offend either of them. So he cannot be disobedient
towards his mother or oppressive towards his wife. Rather, he recognizes his
mother's rights and treats her in the best possible way, while also recognizing
his wife's rights. He does not detract from his wife's rights in the course of
fulfilling his duty towards his mother and taking care of her. The truly
sincere Muslim is able to do this, as long as he is truly conscious of Allah
(i.e., has taqwa ) and follows the guidance and teachings of Islam, which treat
both mother and wife with fairness and give each her due status.
He fully
understands his role as a protector and maintainer (qawwam) of his wife
With such good attitudes and gentle treatment, the Muslim husband
wins the heart of his wife, so she does not disobey him in anything. Therefore
the Muslim man has been given the position of qawwam over women, because of the
characteristics which Islam instils in him, the qualifications it has given him
and the conditions and limits it has imposed on him:
{Men are the protectors and maintainers {qawwamun} of women,
because of Allah has given the one more {strength} than the other, and because
they support them from their means...} (Qur'an 4:34)
This position of qawwam brings with it some inconveniences, for it
gives men responsibilities. The man is completely responsible for his wife:
´Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for
those under his care. A ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his
family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children. For each
of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under his care.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
This responsibility applies to every individual in an Islamic
society, in which everyone is responsible in one way or another, because
according to Islam, life is a serious matter, not something to be taken
lightly.
Just as Islam has enjoined good treatment of woman and raised her
status, so it has also commanded her to understand her role in life, and to stay
within the limits of the Shariah, so that she may better fulfil her role in
life as a partner to man in bringing up the next generation and making life
more pleasant and enjoyable.
Similarly, just as Islam has required man to treat his wife kindly
and take care of her properly, so it has commanded the wife to obey him within
the limits of permissibility, fairness and justice. This obedience is most
strongly emphasized, as is illustrated by the words of the Prophet (s):
´If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would
have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband.' 1
Indeed, he said that the husband's satisfaction with her would be
a cause of her entering Paradise: ´Any woman who dies, and her husband is
pleased with her, will enter Paradise. (Bukhari and Muslim)
He assured the defiant, rebellious woman that the angels would
heap curses upon her until she goes back to her husband: ´If a woman stays away
from her husband's bed, the angels will curse her until morning. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
The concern of Islam to affirm man's position of qawwam over women
and reinforce her obligation to obey and please him, goes as far as forbidding
her to fast at times other than Ramadan or to receive any guests without his
permission:
´The woman is not permitted to fast when her husband is present,
without his permission, or to invite anyone into his house without his
permission. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam gave the husband this right to be qawwam over his wife so
that he will be a real man, knowing how to steer the ship of family life
towards the shore of safety and guidance. Islam warns all men against the trial
and temptation (fitnah) of women, which may make them heedless and weak, and
lessen their religious commitment, so that they turn a blind eye to the
waywardness and unIslamic behaviour of their wives. In such a case a husband
has no say: his wife is controlling everything in the home, so that he dare not
disobey her, or answer her back, or refuse any of her whims. The Prophet (s)
was right when he said that this is the most damaging of trials and temptations
that a man can be faced with:
´There will be no fitnah after my death that is worse for men than
the fitnah of women. (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Muslim husband is a man who is not weak in dealing with the
trial of having a wayward wife, no matter how difficult that fitnah is. He
gently makes it clear to her that no matter how much he loves her, he loves
Allah and the Prophet more, and his desire to please Allah is stronger than his
feelings for her:
{Say: If it be that your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your
mates or your kindred; the wealth that you have gained; the commerce in which
you fear a decline; or the dwellings in which you delight -are dearer to you
than Allah, or His Messenger, or the striving in His cause -then wait until
Allah brings about His Decision: and Allah guides not the rebellious.} (Qur'an
9:24)
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith.
In this way, the female waywardness which we see in many so-
called Muslim homes will be done away with. The man who sees his wife,
daughters and sisters going out in the street with make-up, uncovered heads and
bare arms, clothed but seeming naked, and does nothing to stop this disobedience
of Islam, has surely lost his manhood, abandoned Islam and earned the wrath of
Allah. There is no way out of his predicament but sincere repentance which will
wake him up, restore his manhood and set him back on the straight path.
Islam has set out standards for women, and has defined the kind of
clothing she should wear when she goes out in the street or appears in from of
men who are not-mahram. This type of clothing is known as hijab. The Muslim
woman who has been nurtured in pure Islam and has grown up in its protective
atmosphere accepts this hijab willingly and with a deep sense of conviction,
knowing that it is from Allah, and that it is not a tyranny designed by men to
satisfy their egotistical desires to control women, or a custom invented during
the decadent Umawi (Umayyad) period, as is claimed by those worthless fools who
have no sound proof from the Qur'an whatsoever.
In a report narrated by Bukhari, 'A'ishah said: "May Allah
have mercy on the early Muhajir women. When Allah revealed: {. . .they should
draw their veils over their bosoms. . .} (Qur'an 24:31) they tore their aprons
and covered their heads and faces with them." In another report, also
given by Bukhari, she said: "They cut their waist-sheets at the edges and
covered their heads and faces with the cut pieces."
Safiyyah bint Shaybah said:
´While we were with 'A'ishah we mentioned the women of Quraysh and
how good they were. 'A'ishah said: 'The women of Quraysh are good but by Allah
I have never seen any better than the women of the Ansar or any more convinced
of the Book of Allah or with a deeper faith in the Revelation. When Surat Al
Nur was revealed {... they should draw their veils over their bosoms...} -the
men turned to their wives, daughters, sisters and other female relatives and
recited these words to them. Not one of them failed to take her decorated
wrapper and wrap it around her head and face, in acceptance of and belief in
what Allah had revealed. The next morning they were behind the Messenger of
Allah (s) wrapped up in their veils, looking as if they had black crows on
their heads.'' 1
May Allah have mercy on the women of the Ansar: how strong was
their faith, how sincere was their Islam and how beautiful was their response
to the Truth when it was revealed! Every woman who truly believes in Allah and
His Messenger cannot do other than to adhere to the distinctive Islamic dress,
regardless of whatever nakedness and tabarruj (wanton display) surrounds her. I
remember a veiled Muslim student at the University of Damascus whose attitude
was no less commendable than that of the women of the Ansar; when a visiting
journalist asked her about her hijab and why she was putting up with it in the
heat of summer, she quoted: {...Say: 'The Fire of Hell is fiercer in heat...' }
(Qur'an 9:81)
1 See Fath al-.ari, commentary on sahih Bukhari.
It is pure, sincere Muslim girls like this who will establish
Muslim families, raise the next generation in a sound way and fill society with
strong, productive men. Nowadays there are many such girls, al-hamdulillah!
The sincere Muslim is responsible for his womenfolk's adherence to
the Islamic teachings regarding her going out, and the hijab which is the badge
of the Muslim woman. The day when a husband lets his wife or his environment
take over and dispenses with this Islamic ruling without being able to stand up
to them, is the day he says good-bye to both his religion and his manhood.
The husband's responsibility for his wife does not stop with her
outward appearance, but also includes her worship and conduct. He is
responsible for her if she omits some act of worship, or if she neglects or
deliberately ignores her duties towards Allah. He is responsible for her good behaviour
and completion of her duties.
Any shortcomings on her part will detract from her husband's
manhood, diminish his Islam and damage the role of qawwam with which Allah has
honoured him.
Islam considers women to be a trust which has been given to men
for safe-keeping. As the wife is usually influenced by her husband, he may take
her with him to Paradise or lead her to Hell. Therefore Allah ordered the
believing men to protect both themselves and their families from the Fire and
gave a terrifying picture of the awful fate that awaits them if they neglect
their responsibilities towards their wives and families and fail to compel them
to adhere to the truth:
{O you who believe Save yourselves and your families from a Fire
whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern [and]
severe, who flinch not [from executing] the Commands they receive from Allah,
but do [precisely] what they are commanded.} (Qur'an 66:6)
The role of qawwam over women which Islam gives to men cannot
truly be fulfilled unless the husband is a successful leader of his family. The
Muslim husband does not assert his manhood through roughness, cruelty, violence
and harsh words. This is the manhood of ignorance (jahiliyyah); Islamic manhood
is something else altogether. The Islamic ideal of manhood is: a strong and
likeable personality; a noble attitude; tolerance and forgiveness of minor
mistakes; strong adherence to the laws of Allah and determination to apply them
to every member of his family; brilliant leadership in guiding his family to
the truth; generosity without being extravagant; a thorough understanding of
his responsibilities in this world and the next; and a clear idea of the ideal
Muslim home. These are the characteristics of the true Muslim as Islam wants him
to be.
Chapter 5. The Muslim and His Children
Introduction
Children are the apple of a man's eye, the source of great joy and
companionship. They make life sweet and, after Allah, they are the ones on whom
he pins his hopes. Their blessing brings rizq, mercy and an abundance of
reward.
But this depends on the children having a good, solid upbringing,
which will make them respectful, kind, and a source of happiness. If a man's
children have these good attributes then they will truly be joys of this life,
as Allah described them in the Qur'an:
{Wealth and sons are allurements {joys} of the life of this world
. . .} (Qur'an 18:46)
For this reason the Prophet (s) used to pray for those whom he
loved, that Allah would grant them wealth and children in abundance. Anas (r)
reported that he entered upon the Prophet (s) with his mother and maternal
aunt. The Prophet (s) led them in prayer, then he prayed (made du'a ,) for
them. Umm Anas said, "O Messenger of Allah, your little servant, pray for
him." So the Prophet (s) prayed for him, and at the end of his du'a ,
said: ´O Allah, grant him wealth and children in abundance, and bless him.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
But if the parents neglect their children's upbringing, the
results will be disastrous. Their children will be a source of annoyance,
frustration and constant concern, not to mention nights of lost sleep and days
of worry.
He
understands his great responsibility towards his children
The true Muslim understands his great responsibility towards the
children he has brought into this world, as the Qur'an tells him:
{O you who believe Save yourselves and your family from a Fire
whose fuel is Men and Stones . . .} (Qur'an 66:6)
He also appreciates the responsibility that the Prophet (s) has
placed upon him:
´Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his
flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is the
shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock; a woman is the
shepherd in the house of her husband and is responsible for her flock; the
servant is the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for it. Each
of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam has placed a burden of responsibility on the shoulders of
all people, from which none may be excused. Above all, parents are responsible
for providing their children with a sound Islamic education and upbringing,
based on the noble characteristics which the Prophet (s) mentioned that he had
been sent to complete and spread among people:
´I have only been sent to make righteous behaviour complete.'1
There is no greater proof of the gravity of parents,
responsibility to bring their children up to obey Allah and His Messenger, than
the verdict of the 'ulam , that every family should heed the words of the
Prophet (s):
´Instruct your children to pray when they are seven years of age,
and hit them if they do not pray when they are ten.' 2
Every family which is aware of this hadith but the parents do not
teach their children to pray when they reach seven or hit them if they do not
do so when they reach ten, is a family that is failing in its duty and
neglecting its children. These parents are sinners who are responsible before
Allah for this failure and neglect.
The home is the first environment in which these little ones grow:
it is the milieu in which their inclinations, attitudes and personalities are
formed. This explains the importance of the parents, role in nurturing their
young ones and paying equal attention to their physical, mental and spiritual
well-being.
He uses
the best methods in bringing them up
The true Muslim parent -whether father or mother -understands the
psychology of his or her children and knows how to deal with them, using the
best and most effective methods of parenting and upbringing. He endears himself
to them in all kinds of ways, and gets close to them, according to their age
and mental levels, so he plays with them, praises them, jokes with them and
tells them words of love and care which make them happy. Then they will love
him, and accept his direction eagerly. When they obey him, it will be from the
heart, for there is a great difference between the obedience which is based on
love, respect and trust, and that which is based on violence and cruelty. The
former is lasting obedience, while the latter is shallow and baseless, and will
quickly vanish when the violence and cruelty reach extreme levels.
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, Imam Malik in al-
Muwatta, and Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad. 2 Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and
al-Hakim. Its isnad is hasan.
Some people think that if the father comes down to his children's
level and interacts closely with them, this will diminish his paternal status
in their eyes and undermine his parenting efforts. Nothing could be further
from the truth, for this kind of approach is the most efficient method of
raising children properly, and is promoted by modern experts. It is also the
method promoted by the Prophet (s) fifteen hundred years ago, and clearly
demonstrated by him in word and deed.
The Prophet (s) used to line up 'Abdullah, 'Ubaydullah and
Kuthayyir, the sons of al-'Abbas (r) and say: "Whoever reaches me first, I
will give him such-and-such." So they would race towards him and jump on
his back and chest, kissing him.1
Bukhari, in al-Adab al-Mufrad, and al-Tabarani reported from Abu
Hurayrah that the Prophet (s) took the hand of al-hasan (r) or alhusayn (r),
then put his feet on his foot and said, "Climb up."
There is no clearer demonstration of the spirit of the great
educator than in the way he carried al-hasan (r) and al-husayn (r), and treated
them with love and care, thus setting an example for fathers and grandfathers
everywhere, no matter how great their status and influence, to treat these
tender young shoots in the most gentle and caring way. This may be seen in the
hadith narrated by Ahmad and al-Nisa'i from Shaddad:
´The Prophet (s) went out carrying al hasan or al husayn, and when
he came forward to lead the prayer, he put the child down and commenced the
prayer. He prostrated himself and stayed in that position for a long time. I
raised my head and saw the child on his back, so I returned to my prostration.
When he had finished praying, the people said, 'O Messenger of Allah, you
prostrated for such a long time.' He said, 'My child was riding on my back, and
I did not like to disturb him until he had had enough.'' 2
The Muslim should be in the habit of being involved with his
children, treating them with love and kindness and joking with them, as much as
he can whenever he finds the opportunity, so that their hearts will be filled
with happiness.
He
demonstrates his love and affection for them
One of his primary paternal duties is to demonstrate his love,
mercy and affection towards his children so that they will grow up confident,
positive, optimistic and with high levels of self-esteem.
Compassion is a basic Islamic characteristic, and was one of the
most prominent characteristics of the Prophet (s), as Anas (r) told us:
´I never saw anyone who was more compassionate towards children
than the Messenger of Allah (s). His son Ibr h¯m was in the care of a wet nurse
in the hills around Madinah. He would go there, and we would go with him, and
he would enter the house, pick up his son and kiss him, then come back.'
(Muslim)
1 Reported by Ahmad. Al-p fi-said in al-Tahdh¯b (8/421) that its
isnad is mursal jayyid. 2 Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisa'i with a sahih isnad.
The Prophet's mercy and love towards the Muslim children included
little ones at play. Anas (r) reports that whenever the Prophet (s) passed by a
group of boys he would smile fondly and greet them. (Bukhari and Muslim)
An example of his enduring educational wisdom is the advice:
´He is not one of us who does not show compassion to our little
ones and recognize the rights of our elders.' 1 Abu Hurayrah (r) said: ´The
Prophet (s) kissed al hasan ibn Ali, and al Aqra' ibn Habis said:
'I have ten children, and I have never kissed any of them.' The
Prophet (s) said, 'He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'
(Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet (s), this great educator, always sought to instill the
quality of mercy and compassion in people's hearts, and to awaken their
potential for love and affection, which are the most basic of human
characteristics.
One day a Bedouin came and asked the Prophet (s),
"Do you kiss your sons? We do not." The Prophet (s)
said, ´What can I do for you if Allah has removed mercy from your heart"
(Bukhari and Muslim)
'A'ishah (r) reports:
´Whenever Fatimah came into the room, the Prophet (s) would stand
up, welcome her, kiss her and offer her his seat, and whenever he came into the
room, she would stand up, take his hand, welcome him, kiss him and offer him
her seat. When she came to see him during his final illness, he welcomed her
and kissed her. (Bukhari and Muslim)
In the light of this guidance, the true Muslim cannot be stern
towards his children and treat them in a rough or mean fashion, even if it is
his nature to be grim and reserved, because this religion, with its
enlightenment and guidance, softens hearts and awakens feelings of love and
affection. So children are a part of us, going forth into the world, as the
poet said:
´Our children are our hearts, walking among us on the face of the
earth,/ if even a little breeze touches them, we cannot sleep for worrying
about them.' 2
Parents should be filled with love, affection and care, and
willing to make sacrifices and do their best for their children.
1 Reported by Ahmad and al-Hakim. Its isnad is sahih. 2 These
lines by the poet Hittan al-Mu'alli are to be found in Shar al-Hamasah by
al-Tabrizi, 1/275.
He spends
on them, willingly and generously
Islam does not rely only on the parents, natural instincts to care
for their children, because sometimes parents may be reluctant to give up some
of life's pleasures for the sake of their children, or else hard times and
poverty may cause parents to complain about the heavy burden of expenses. So
Islam reinforces the parents, natural instincts to care for their children by
promising them a great reward, which encourages them to make sacrifices and
helps them to bear their poverty.
Umm Salamah said:
´I said, 'O Messenger of Allah, will I be rewarded for what I
spend on the children of Salamah" I am not going to abandon them in any
case, for they are my children too.' He said, 'Yes, you will be rewarded for
what you spend on them.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Abu Masud al-Badri (r) said:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'When a man spends on his family with the
intention of pleasing Allah, then it will be counted as Ñadaqah (charity) on
his part.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam considers spending on one's wife and children to be one of
the best kinds of spending, one of the deeds which will bring the greatest
rewards. This is borne out by the hadith which Muslim reported from Abu
Hurayrah (r), who said: ´The Prophet (s) said:
'Money you spend for the sake of Allah, money you spend to free a
slave, money you give in charity to the poor, and money you spend on your
family . . . The greatest in reward of all of these is spending on your family.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
In another report, narrated by Muslim, the Prophet (s) said:
´The best money a man can spend is money he spends on his
children, money he spends on his mount for the purpose of jihad, and money he
spends on his friends for the sake of Allah."
The true Muslim is happy to spend on his family, because he is
certain that whatever he spends on them and others, with the intention of
pleasing Allah, will bring him reward, even the morsel of food which he may
raise to his wife's mouth in a light-hearted gesture of affection. This is
clear from the hadith narrated by Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas (r), that the Prophet (s)
told him:
´You will never spend anything for the sake of Allah without there
being a reward for it, even the food which you put in your wife's mouth.'
(Bukhari and Muslim)
The true Muslim cannot abandon his children and leave them in
poverty and misery, when he hears the words of the Prophet (s) threatening men
who neglect their responsibilities towards their families and warning them of
the worst punishment and torment in the Hereafter:
´It is sin enough for a man to forsake those who are under his
care.' (Muslim, Abu Dawud, et al)
He does
not discriminate between sons and daughters in his affection and spending
Some people are disappointed to have daughters, and wish that
Allah had given them only sons. They do not know of the great reward which
Allah has promised to the father who has been given daughters, and accepts
them, takes care of them, gives them a good upbringing, and showers love and
affection upon them. If they knew the reward that awaits the caring, merciful
father of girls, they would feel jealous of him and would want that for
themselves too.
The Prophet (s) said,
´Whoever has three daughters, and is patient with them, gives them
food and drink, and clothes them from his earnings, they will be for him a
shield against the Fire of the Day of Resurrection.' 1
In another report, he (s) said: ´Whoever has three daughters and
shelters them, provides what they need and shows compassion towards them, will
certainly deserve Paradise.' A man among the people asked, ´And if they are
two, O Messenger of Allah?' And he said, ´Yes, even if they are two.'
How could any man resent bringing up daughters and spending on
them when he hears of the rewards and blessings that Allah has promised him?
Islam, this practical religion which recognizes the realities of
people's lives in all times and places, recognizes the fact that a daughter may
get divorced and return to her father's house, and that her father may be in
straitened circumstances with a low income or many other children to care for,
so it offers him the comfort that will soothe his troubled spirit and ease his
stress. Islam tells this father that whatever he spends on his daughter who has
come home to him is one of the greatest acts of charity and one of the deeds
that will bring him closest to Allah.
The Prophet (s) said to Suraqah ibn Ju'sham: "Shall I not
tell you about the greatest form of charity?" He said, "Of course, O
Messenger of Allah." He said, ´Your daughter who has come back to you and
has no other breadwinner.' 2
What comparison can there be between the great affection and love
with which children in the Muslim world are nurtured, and the harsh life
suffered by children in the West, where when a child, boy or girl, who has
barely reached the age of eighteen, leaves the family home to face the stark
realities of life and to struggle to earn a living before he is ready to or
before he has had enough love and support from his family? There is a huge
difference between the laws of Allah, which bring happiness to mankind, and the
inadequate laws of man which only cause suffering. Not surprisingly, in western
countries, as a result of these materialistic laws, there are armies of
promiscuous young men and hordes of unfortunate young unmarried mothers, and
their numbers are increasing daily.
1 Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad, with a sahih isnad. 2 Reported
by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
He is
alert to everything that may have an influence on them
The smart Muslim father keeps his eyes open as far as his children
are concerned. He knows what they are reading and writing, the hobbies they
have chosen or which he may have encouraged them to follow, without them
realizing it, the friends with whom they spend most of their time, and the
places they go in their spare time. He knows all of this without his children
feeling that he is watching them. If he finds anything objectionable in their
reading-material or hobbies, or finds that they are hanging around with
undesirable friends, or going to unsuitable places, or taking up bad habits
like smoking, or wasting time and energy on haram games that make them
accustomed to trivialities and idle pursuits, he puts them straight in a gentle
and wise manner, and persuades them to return to the straight and narrow.
Every new baby is born in a state of fitrah (the natural state of
man), and it is parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian, as is
mentioned in the sahih hadith narrated by Bukhari. Hence the parents,
responsibility regarding the upbringing of the child and the formation of his
personality is clear.
The books which children spend time reading should be broadening
their minds, building their personalities and offering them good examples; they
should not be corrupting them and extinguishing the flame of goodness in their
hearts.
Hobbies should nurture the positive aspects of the children and
instil in them good taste, not encourage them to follow falsehood. Their
friends should be of the type who will keep them on the Straight Path and lead
them to Paradise, not those who will corrupt them and lead them to Hell. How
many people have been brought to the slippery slope of destruction and
perdition by their friends, when their fathers were unaware of what was
happening to their own children! How wise are the words of the poet 'Adiyy ibn
Zayd al' Abadi concerning friends:
´If you are among people, then make friends with the best of
them./ Do not make friends with the worst of them lest you become as bad as he
is./ Do not ask about the man, but ask about his friend, for every person is
influenced by his friends.' 1
The true Muslim father takes notice of his children's books,
magazines, hobbies, school, teachers, clubs, media interests, and everything
that may have an impact on their personalities, minds, souls and faith. He
should intervene when necessary, either to encourage or to put a stop to
something, so that the children's upbringing will not be affected by corruption
or sickness.
Hence we can explain the success of some families in raising their
children, and the failure of others. The former feel responsible towards their
children and take care of them properly, so the children become good for the
family and the community at large; the latter do not feel this responsibility,
so they neglect their children, and the children become bad for their family
and the community at large, a source of distress in their life and after death.
Allah has spoken the truth:
{. . . Truly, among your wives and your children are [some that
are] enemies to yourselves, so beware of them . . .} (Qur'an 64:14)
1 Diwan 'Adiyy, p. 107.
Children would not have turned against their parents if their
parents had kept to the right path, recognized their responsibilities towards
their children and done their duty as they should.
He
equally treats all his children
One of the elements of wise upbringing is for the parents to treat
all their children equally, and not to favour one of them over the others in
any way. The child who feels that he is treated fairly and that he and his
brothers are equal, will grow up with a healthy self-esteem, free from feelings
of inferiority; he will not hate his brother, or eat his heart out with
jealousy, but will be content, tolerant, kind and caring towards others. This
is what Islam encourages and orders parents to do.
Bukhari and Muslim narrated from al-Nu'man ibn Bashir (r):
´My father brought me to the Prophet (s) and said, 'I have given
this son of mine a slave I have.' The Prophet (s) asked him, 'Have you given
each of your children the same?' He said, 'No,· so the Prophet (s) told him:
'Then take the slave back.''
According to another report Nu'man said:
´The Prophet (s) asked, 'Have you done the same for all your
children?' (My father) said, 'No,' so the Prophet (s) said, 'Fear Allah and
treat all of your children equally.' So my father went and took back his gift.'
According to a third report:
´The Prophet (s) asked, 'O Bishr, do you have any other children?'
He said, 'Yes.' The Prophet (s) asked, 'Will you give a similar gift to each of
them?' He said, 'No.' So the Prophet (s) said, 'Do not ask me to witness this,
because I do not want to witness unfairness.' Then he added, 'Would you not
like all of your children to treat you with equal respect?' [Bishr] said, 'Of
course.' The Prophet (s) told him: 'So do not do it.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Therefore the Muslim who fears Allah treats Allah's children with
equal fairness, and does not favour one above the other in giving gifts,
spending money on him or in the way he treats him. So all of them will pray for
him, love him and treat him with kindness and respect.
He
instils good behaviour and attitudes in them
When children's hearts are thus filled with contentment and
goodness, the father can then raise them up to the level of high morals and
noble human virtues. So he instills in them good manners such as caring for
others, helping the weak, being kind to relatives, respecting elders, being
merciful to the young, cheerfully doing good and striving to spread justice
among people. A person cannot give that which he does not have. The man was
right who said, "Righteousness comes from Allah and good manners come from
parents."1
The smart Muslim father understands his children's psychology and
knows how to instill wisdom and good attitudes in them, using the best methods of
parenting in order to do so, such as setting a good example, coming down to
their level, treating them well, and cheerfully showing mercy, humility, love,
interest, encouragement, fairness, advice, correction and guidance. He is
lenient towards them without being weak, and is strict without being cruel.
Thus the children will grow up in an atmosphere of care, compassion and
affection, that can only produce caring, kind, loyal and righteous children
whose personalities are strong, who are willing to give and to shoulder their
responsibilities. This is the norm for families who raise their children on
Islamic principles and the teachings of the Qur'an:
{. . . [We take our] colour from Allah, and who is better than
Allah at colouring ? . . .} (Qur'an 2:138 -Pickthall's translation) 1 Bukhari,
al-Adab al-Mufrad, 92.
Chapter 6. The Muslim and His Relatives
(Arham):
A Muslim's kindness, respect and good treatment are not limited
just to his parents, spouse and children, but extend to his relatives, all of
whom he should treat well. In the Qur'an, the word used is Arham (literally,
"wombs"), which refers to relatives to whom a person is linked by
ties of womb and blood, whether they are his heirs or not.
Islamic
view of kinship ties
Islam has recognized the ties of kinship in a way that is
unparalleled in other religions or "isms"; it enjoins Muslims to
uphold the ties of kinship and condemns the one who breaks this tie.
There is no greater proof of the emphasis placed by Islam on the
ties of kinship than the vivid picture painted by the Prophet (s), who
described kinship (ram) as standing in the vast arena of creation and seeking
refuge with Allah from being cut off: Allah answers its prayer, taking care of
those who maintain the ties of kinship, and cutting off those who cut off these
ties. This is seen in the sahih hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah (r) who said:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'Allah created the universe, and when He
had finished, kinship (rahm) stood up and said, ´This is the standing up of one
who seeks Your protection from being cut off.' Allah said, ´Yes, would it
please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off
those who cut you off?' It said, ´Of course.' Allah said, ´Then your prayer is
granted."' Then the Prophet (s) said: ´Recite, if you wish: {'Then, is it
to be expected of you, if you were put in authority, that you will do mischief,
in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom Allah
has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.'} (Qur'an
47:22-23)" and the hadith is narrated by: (Bukhari and Muslim)
Many ayat of the Qur'an reiterate and affirm the position of Arham
in Islam, encouraging people to uphold the ties of kinship and instilling a
strong sense of the importance of recognizing kinship rights and avoiding
neglect of those rights, and warning against abuse of them. One of these
ayatis:
{...Fear Allah, through Whom you demand your mutual {rights}, and
{reverence} the wombs {that bore you}...} (Qur'an 4:1)
This ayah commands man to fear Allah first and foremost, then
places respect for Arham second to that of taqwa in order to emphasize its
importance.
For the true Muslim, the fact that ram is often mentioned in
conjunction with belief in Allah and good treatment of parents, is enough to
confirm its status and importance:
{Your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you
be kind to parents...} (Qur'an 17:23)
{And render to the kindred their due rights, as [also] to those in
want, and to the wayfarer: but squander not [your wealth] in the manner of a
spendthrift.} (Qur'an 17:26)
{Worship Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to
parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours
who are strangers, the Companion by your side, the wayfarer {you meet}...}
(Qur'an 4:36)
Hence kind treatment of relatives comes one degree below kind
treatment of parents on the scale of human relationships as defined by the
Qur'an; from there, kindness and respect extends to encompass all those needy
members of the greater human family. This suits human nature, which is more
inclined to start with kind treatment of those who are closer; it is also in
harmony with the overall Islamic system of social organization and mutual
responsibility which starts with the family then is readily extended first to
relatives and then to society at large, in a spirit of mercy and friendship
which makes life more pleasant and beautiful for mankind.
Upholding the ties of kinship is one of the major principles of
Islam, one of the fundamentals that this religion has promoted from the first
day the Prophet (s) began to preach his message. It is one of the most
characteristic features of Islamic law. This is reflected in the lengthy
conversation of Abu Sufyan with Heraclius. When the emperor asked Abu Sufyan,
"What does your Prophet order you to do?" he answered, "He (s)
tells us: 'Worship Allah alone and do not associate anything with Him. Give up
the religion of your forefathers.' He tells us to pray, to give charity, to be
chaste and to uphold the ties of kinship. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Upholding the ties of kinship is counted as one of the major
characteristics of this religion, along with pure monotheistic belief in Allah,
establishing prayer, and adherence to truthfulness and chastity, which were
being explained to those questioners for the very first time.
In the lengthy hadith of 'Amr ibn 'Anbasah (r) which includes many
of the basic teachings of Islam, he said:
´I entered upon the Prophet (s) in Makkah (meaning at the
beginning of his Prophethood), and asked him, 'What are you?' He said, 'A
Prophet.' I asked, 'What is a Prophet?' He said, 'Allah has sent me.' I asked,
'With what has He sent you?' He said, 'He has sent me to uphold the ties of
kinship, to break the idols and to teach that Allah is One and has no partner
whatsoever...' (Muslim)
In this summary of the most important principles of Islam, the
Prophet (s) clearly gave precedence to upholding the ties of kinship and
mentioned it among the foremost features of the faith. This is indicative of
its high status in the framework of this religion which Allah has revealed as a
mercy to the Worlds.
The sources of Islam go to great lengths to encourage upholding
the ties of kinship, and warn against cutting them off. Abu Ayyub al- Ansari
(r) said:
´A man said, 'O Messenger of Allah, tell me of a good deed that
will grant me entrance to Paradise.' The Prophet (s) said, 'Worship Allah and
do not associate anything with Him, establish regular prayer, pay zakah and
uphold the ties of kinship.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Upholding the ties of kinship appears in the same context as
worshipping Allah, believing in His absolute unity, establishing regular prayer
and paying zakah. Hence it is one of the best of righteous deeds that will
guarantee Paradise and save one from Hell.
Anas (r) said:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to
be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.'
(Bukhari and Muslim)
So it is a blessing for the one who upholds the ties of kinship, a
blessing which affects both his rizq and his life: his wealth will increase and
he will live a longer and more blessed life.
Ibn 'Umar used to say: "Whoever fears his Rabb and upholds
the ties of kinship, his life will be extended, his wealth will increase and
his family will love hiim more."1
As we have seen, upholding the ties of kinship brings blessing in
a man's rizq and his life, mercy from Allah in this world and the next, and
makes people love him and praise him. In contrast, breaking those ties will
spell disaster and misery for him, earning him the dislike of Allah and the
people, and keeping him far from Paradise in the Hereafter. It is misery and
deprivation enough for such a man to hear the words of the Prophet (s):
´The person who breaks the ties of kinship will never enter
Paradise. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Even worse for him is the news that his presence may deny mercy to
his fellows, as in the hadith quoted by al-Bayhaqi in Shu'ab al- Iman:
´Mercy will not descend upon a people among whom is one who breaks
the ties of kinship.'
1 Narrated by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
Hence the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah (r) never liked to make
supplication to Allah in a gathering in which a person who had broken the ties
of kinship was present, because that would prevent mercy from descending and
the du'a , from being answered. In one Thursday night gathering, he said:
"I urge everyone who has broken the ties of kinship to get up and leave
us." No-one got up until he had said this three times. Then a young man
got up and went to see a (paternal) aunt of his whom he had forsaken for two
years. When he entered, she said, "O son of my brother, what brings you
here?" He said, "I heard Abu Hurayrah (r) say such-andsuch." She
told him, "Go back to him and ask him why did you say that?" [Abu
Hurayrah (r)] said: "I heard the Prophet (s) say: 'The deeds of the sons
of Adam are shown to Allah every Thursday evening before Jumu'ah, and the deeds
of one who breaks the ties of kinship are not accepted."1
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad and by Ahmad in al-
Musnad.
The sensitive Muslim who is hoping to earn the pleasure of his
Rabb and attain salvation in the Hereafter will be deeply shaken by the news
given in these texts, that breaking the ties of kinship will cause mercy to be
withheld from him and his du'a , not to be answered. It will be a source of
great misery to him to be in such a position, to do deeds which are of no
avail, to seek the mercy of his Rabb and not receive it. It is unimaginable
that a true Muslim would ever break the ties of kinship.
Breaking the ties of kinship is a sin which the Muslim whose heart
is filled with true guidance and the desire to obey Allah and earn His pleasure
will never commit, because it is one of the sins that Allah has said will bring
punishment; indeed, it is one of the foremost sins for which Allah will punish
the one who is guilty of them both in this world and the next, as is stated in
the hadith:
´There is no worse sin for which Allah will hasten the punishment
of one who is guilty of it in this world -in addition to what awaits him in the
Hereafter -than breaking the ties of kinship and oppressing others.' 1
The acts of breaking the ties of kinship and oppressing others are
very much like one another, so the Prophet (s) mentioned them together in this
hadith. For breaking the ties of kinship is a kind of zulm (wrongdoing,
oppression), and what zulm can be worse than breaking off relations with one's
own kin and destroying ties of love and affection?
The Prophet (s) described the oppression that befalls the ties of
kinship when they are cut off:
´The tie of kinship (rahm) is a close knit relationship that comes
from Allah, the Most Merciful (al-Rahman).2 It says: 'O my Rabb, I have been
oppressed, O my Rabb, I have been cut off...' He answers, 'Will you not be
content if I cut off the one who cuts you off and take care of the one who
takes care of you?' (Bukhari)
Allah raised the status of the tie of kinship and honoured it by
deriving its name, ram, from one of His own names, al-Rahman. For He said:
´I am al-Rahman (the All Merciful), and I have created rahm and
derived its name from My name. Whoever takes care of it, I will take care of
him, and whoever cuts it off, I will forsake him.' 3
This indicates to the sensitive Muslim that the one who upholds
the ties of kinship properly will enjoy the cool shade of his Rabb's mercy, and
the one who breaks those ties will be denied that shade, forsaken and
abandoned.
The
Muslim upholds the ties of kinship according to the teachings of Islam
The true Muslim upholds the ties of kinship and does not let his
worldly concerns, wealth, wife or children distract him from keeping in touch
with his relatives, honouring them and helping them. In doing so, he is
following Islamic teaching, which regulates these relationships and ranks them
in order of priority and degree of closeness, starting with the mother, then
moving on to the father, then other relatives, from the most closely-related to
others who are more distantly related. A man came to the Prophet (s) and asked,
"O Messenger of Allah, who is most deserving of my good company?" He
(s) said, ´Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father, then those
who are most closely related to you. (Bukhari and Muslim)
1 Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah, with a
sahih isnad. 2 The connection is clearer in Arabic, where ram and al-Rahman are
derived from the same root. [Translator] 3 A hadith quds¯ reported by Bukhari
in al-Adab al-Mufrad, and by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and al-Tirmidhi.
The Muslim earns two rewards when he treats his relatives with
kindness and respect: one reward for maintaining the relationship, and another
reward for giving charity. This gives him a greater incentive to give to his
relatives, if they are in need. By doing so, he will earn two rewards from
Allah, and will also win the affection of his relatives. This is what the
Prophet (s) encouraged Muslims to do, in the hadith narrated by Zaynab
al-Thaqafiyyah, the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Masud (r), who said:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'O women, give in charity even if it is
some of your jewellery.' She said, I went back to 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud and
- - - - - told him, 'You are a man of little wealth, and the
Prophet (s) has commanded us to give charity, so go and ask him whether it is
permissible for me to give you charity. If it is, I will do so; if not, I will
give charity to someone else.' 'Abdullah said, 'No, you go and ask.' So I went,
and I found a woman of the Ansar at the Prophet's door, who also had the same
question. We felt too shy to go in, out of respect, so Bilal came out and we
asked him, 'Go and tell the Messenger of Allah that there are two women at the
door asking you: Is it permissible for them to give sadaqah to their husbands
and the orphans in their care" But do not tell him who we are.' So Bilal
went in and conveyed this message to the Prophet (s), who asked, 'Who are they?'
Bilal said, 'One of the women of the Ansar, and Zaynab.' The Prophet (s) asked,
'Which Zaynab is it?' Bilal said, 'The wife of Abdullah.' The Prophet (s) said,
'They will have two rewards, the reward for upholding the relationship, and the
reward for giving charity.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet (s) used to reaffirm the priority given to kind
treatment of relatives at every opportunity. When the ayah: {By no means shall
you attain righteousness unless you give {freely} of that which you love...}
(Qur'an 3:92) was revealed, Abu Talhah went to the Prophet (s) and said,
"O Messenger of Allah, Allah says: {By no means shall you attain
righteousness unless you give freely of that which you love...} The most
beloved of my properties is Bayraha, (a date orchard), which I now give up as
Ñadaqah to Allah, hoping to store up reward with Him. O Messenger of Allah,
dispose of it as you will." The Prophet (s) said: ´Bravo You have got the
best deal for your property. I have heard what you said, and I think that you
should divide it among your relatives.' Abu Talhah said, ´I will do so, O
Messenger of Allah.' He divided it among his relatives and (paternal) cousins.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet (s) looked far back into history and evoked ties of
kinship going back centuries, when he enjoined good treatment of the people of
Egypt, as is recorded in the hadith narrated by Muslim:
´You will conquer Egypt, so when you conquer it, treat its people
well, for they have protection (dhimmah) and the ties of kinship (rahm).' Or he
said: ´... protection and the relationship by marriage (sihr).'
The 'ulam , explained that ram here referred to Hajar the mother
of Isma'il, and sihr referred to Maryah, the mother of the Prophet's son
Ibrahim -both of who came from Egypt.
What a display of loyalty and faithfulness and good treatment,
which extends to the kinsfolk and countrymen of these two noble women down
throughout the ages! It is no surprise, then, that the true Muslim willingly
recognizes the rights of his relatives and eagerly fulfils his duty of treating
them kindly and maintaining the relationship.
He
maintains the ties of kinship even if his relatives are not Muslim
The tolerance and humanity of Islam goes so far as to enjoin
upholding the ties of kinship even if the relatives are not Muslim. 'Abdullah
ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (r) said:
´I heard the Prophet (s) openly saying: 'The family of Abu So and
so are not my friends, for my friends are Allah and the righteous believers.
But they have ties of kinship with me, which I will recognize and uphold.'
(Bukhari and Muslim)
When the ayah: {And admonish your nearest kinsmen} (Qur'an 26:214)
was revealed, the Prophet (s) summoned Quraysh. They gathered and he addressed
them both in general and specific terms: ´O Banu 'Abdu Shams, O Banu Ka'b ibn
Lu'ayy, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu Murrah ibn Ka'b, save yourselves
from the Fire. O Banu 'Abdu Manaf, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu
Hashimi, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu 'Abdul Muttalib, save yourselves
from the Fire. O Fatimah, save yourself from the Fire. I cannot do anything to
protect you from the punishment of Allah, but there are ties of kinship between
us which I will recognize and uphold.' (Muslim)
The Muslim's heart overflows with humane emotions which spill over
into his good treatment of his relatives, even if they are not Muslim. The
expression of the Prophet (s), "but there are ties of kinship between us
which I will recognize and uphold (literally 'moisten,)" is an example of
Arabic eloquence, a metaphor in which the kinship tie (ram) is likened to the
earth, and is "irrigated" by upholding it, so that it bears fruits of
love and purity; if it is cut off, it becomes barren and produces only hatred
and animosity. The true Muslim is on good terms with everyone and is liked by
everyone, as they see good characteristics embodied in him.
Hence 'Umar (r) did not see anything wrong with giving a garment
that the Prophet (s) had sent to him to his half-brother (through his mother),
who was a mushrik. (Bukhari and Muslim)
We have already seen how Islam encourages us to treat our parents
with kindness and respect, even if they are mushrikin, and now we see how it
encourages us to treat our relatives equally well, even if they are not Muslims
either. This is an indication of the tolerance and humanity of Islam, which is
not surprising when we remember the words of Allah to His Prophet: {We sent you
not, but as a Mercy for all creatures} (Qur'an 21:107), and the saying of the
Prophet (s): ´Verily I have been sent to complete good behaviour and
attitudes.' (Malik, al-Muwatta)
He fully
understands the meaning of upholding the ties of kinship
For the true Muslim, upholding the ties of kinship is one of the
teachings of his faith. It is not just the matter of spending money it goes
much further than that. These ties are upheld by spending money on poorer
relatives; and also by visits which reinforce the relationship, spreading
mutual love and kindness; by advising and helping one another selflessly; by
speaking kind words to relatives; by greeting them warmly with a smiling face
and caring attitude; and by other good deeds which will fill hearts with love
and extend ties of mutual support among one's relatives. This was the advice of
the Prophet (s) who urged Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship in even the
simplest ways:
´Maintain your ties of kinship even if it is merely with a
greeting
(i.e. saying al-salaam 'alaykum)'
He
maintains the ties of kinship even if his relatives fail to do so
The true Muslim maintains the ties of kinship even if his
relatives fail to do so, because the one who upholds this tie purely for the
sake of Allah and in adherence to the highest Islamic teachings, does not
expect to be treated equally well by his relatives in return. He always upholds
the ties of kinship regardless of whether his relatives do so or not, to set an
example in Allah's dealings with his relatives of the way Islam moulds people
and makes them noble and decent. The Prophet (s) reinforced this meaning of the
true Muslim when he said:
´The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only
because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of
kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if
they break off the relationship." (Bukhari)
The Prophet (s) offered advice which serves to reinforce the
attitude of kindness, patience, forgiveness and tolerance in the heart of the
person who is trying to uphold the ties of kinship but receives only rejection
and bad treatment in return. He stated that Allah is with whoever seeks to
treat his relatives well but does not receive similar good treatment in return,
and he painted a frightening picture of the sin which befalls those who deny
good deeds and refuse to uphold the ties of kinship. A man came to the Prophet
(s) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to
keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they abuse me; I am
patient and kind towards them, but they insult me." The Prophet
(s) said: ´If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting
hot dust in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you
continue to do that.' (Muslim) See how Allah extends His support and help to
the one who puts up with bad treatment from his relatives in response to his
efforts to uphold his ties with them! Allah fills his heart with patience to
bear their abuse and gives him strength to maintain his noble attitude. The
Prophet (s) likens the sin which befalls those hard-hearted miscreants to the
pain which befalls the one who eats hot dust, as a punishment for their abuse
and mistreatment of this warm-hearted, generous person who only seeks to do
what is right. So the true Muslim upholds the ties of kinship in every case,
always seeking to earn the pleasure of his Rabb, rising above the foolish
insults and bad behaviour that occasionally occur among relatives, and refusing
to become embroiled in the petty, trivial issues that occupy lesser minds and
make people angry. The true Muslim knows better than to allow foolish, petty
matters affect his relationship with and attitude towards his relatives. He
remembers the words of the Prophet (s):
´The tie of kinship (rahm) is suspended from the throne of Allah,
and says: 'Whoever supports me, Allah will support him, and whoever cuts me
off, Allah will cut him off.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
1 Reported by al-Bazzar, from Ibn 'Abbas, with several isnads that
support one another.
Chapter 7. The Muslim and His Neighbours
He is the
best of people in his dealings with his neighbours
The Muslim who is truly aware of the teachings of his religion is
the best of people in his dealings with his neighbours, and the most
respectful, kind and considerate towards them.
He is
aware of the Islamic teachings concerning good treatment of neighbours
He is aware of the many Islamic teachings concerning neighbours,
and the high status given to them in the scale of human relationships, such as
has never been equalled in any other religion or system before or since.
Allah has commanded the good treatment of neighbours in the
Qur'an:
{Worship Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to
parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours
who are strangers, the Companion by your side, the wayfarer [you meet], and
what your right hands possess...} (Qur'an 4:36)
The "neighbour who is near" is one with whom one shares
ties of kinship or religion; the "neighbour who is a stranger" is one
with whom one shares no such ties; and the "companion by your side"
is a friend, colleague or travelling-companion.
Everyone whose home neighbours yours has the rights of a neighbour
over you, even if you are not connected by kinship or religion. This honouring
of the neighbour is an example of the tolerance promoted by Islam.
There are many hadiths of the Prophet (s) which enjoin good treatment
of neighbours in general, regardless of kinship or religious factors, and
confirm the importance of the neighbourly relationship in Islam. For example:
´Jibril kept on enjoining the good treatment of neighbours to the
extent that I thought he would include neighbours as heirs. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
Islam gives such a high status to neighbours that when Jibril (a)
reiterated the importance of treating them well, the Prophet (s) thought that
he would raise neighbours to the level of kinship and give them similar rights
of inheritance.
The Prophet (s) followed Jibril's urging, and encouraged Muslims
to honour neighbours and treat them well. In his historical khutbah during the
Farewell Pilgrimage, in which he summarized the most important points of his
teachings, he did not omit to mention neighbours and emphasized their rights to
such an extent that the eminent Sahabi Abu Um mah also thought that the Prophet
(s) would make neighbours heirs:
´I heard the Prophet (s), when he was seated on his she camel
during the Farewell Pilgrimage, saying, 'I enjoin you to treat your neighbours
well,· and urging their good treatment so much that I thought, he is going to
give them the rights of inheritance.' 1
The good treatment of neighbours and avoiding harming or annoying
them is so important that the Prophet (s) described it as one of the signs of
true faith in Allah and the Last Day:
´Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him treat his
neighbour well; whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honour his
guest; whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else
remain silent. (Bukhari and Muslim)
According to a report given by Bukhari, he (s) said: ´Whoever
believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm or annoy his neighbour...'
The true
Muslim is tolerant towards his neighbour
It comes as no surprise, then, that the Muslim who is truly guided
by his faith is tolerant towards his neighbour, and is humble, easygoing and
kind in his dealings with him. He does not stop him from using and enjoying his
home, as the Prophet (s) said:
´No one should prevent his neighbour from fastening a piece of
wood to his wall. (Bukhari and Muslim)
He likes
for his neighbour what he likes for himself
The Muslim who is truly guided by his religion is soft-hearted and
alert, and knows how to communicate well. He is sensitive towards his
neighbour, sharing his joy and commiserating him in his sorrow. He likes for
him what he likes for himself, following the teaching of the Prophet (s):
´None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he
likes for himself. (Bukhari and Muslim)
In a report given by Muslim from Anas (r), the Prophet (s) said:
´By the One in Whose hand is my soul, no servant truly believes until he likes
for his neighbour (or he said: his brother) what he likes for himself.'
The true Muslim does not forget to take care of his neighbours who
may be affected by the smell of cooking or barbecues coming from his house,
which may provoke feelings of hunger, especially if they are poor and cannot
afford much food. There may be small children, orphans, widows or elderly among
them.
1 Reported by al-Tabarani with a jayyid isnad.
The true Muslim is always alert to the spirit of social responsibility
which the Prophet (s) instilled in the Muslims in the words he spoke to Abu
Dharr (r):
´O Abu Dharr (r), if you cook some broth, add extra water to it,
and take care of your neighbour.' (Muslim) According to another report he said,
´If you cook some broth, add extra water to it, then think of the families in
your neighbourhood and send some of it to them.' (Muslim)
The Muslim's conscience will not let him ignore his neighbour's
poverty and difficulty while he is living a life of ease and plenty. How can he
bear to see the difference between himself and his neighbour, when the words of
the Prophet (s) are ringing in his ears?
´He does not believe in me, who eats his fill while his neighbour
beside him is hungry, and he knows about it' 1
´He is not a believer, who eats his fill while his neighbour is
hungry.' 2
The
misery that befalls humanity because of the lack of true Islamic morals and
manners
Hence we realize that the misery that has befallen humanity throughout
the world has occurred because of the lack of true Muslims in positions of
influence and authority, and because of the swamping of true Islamic principles
by backward, manmade systems, which have brought nothing but misery, poverty,
exploitation, hunger and nakedness to so many, at the same time when mankind
has conquered space, launched rockets and satellites, and put men on the moon.
The international food and agriculture organization attached to the United
Nations announced in 19753 that between 20-100 million people in Africa and
Asia faced the possibility of death from starvation in the next few years, and
that if the situation were allowed to continued, 3 million would be likely to
die every week, while between 460-1,000 million people were suffering from
malnutrition. In the same year, news agencies reported the story of a young
European woman who had volunteered to work as a nurse in some region of Africa
where the people were suffering from chronic malnutrition.
She had a severe mental breakdown that verged on insanity, after
witnessing a bloody fight between some African children whose hunger drove them
to compete savagely for a piece of mango. The fight did not stop until one
child had plucked out the eye of another. None of the children concerned was
any older than 8 years. This hunger has also caused many cases of total
blindness, because of the constant lack of vitamins; children are so severely
underweight that they look like skeletons. They have little or no resistance to
illness, and are truly between the jaws of death.
1 Reported by al-Tabarani and al-Baz-r, with a hasan isnad. 2
Reported by al-Tabarani and Abu Ya'l ; the men in its isnad are trustworthy
(thiq t). 3 The Arabic edition of this book was first published in 1981.
Needless to say, matters have hardly improved in the two decades since these
statistics were produced. [Translator]
At a time when hunger is stalking Africa and Asia, we see the
West, the rich nations who constitute only 20 % of the world's population but
own 80 % of the world's wealth, going to insane lengths to hold on to this
wealth. In 1975 Brazil burnt thousands of tonnes of coffee; the EEC (now known
as the EU) spent $50 million to destroy surplus food and agricultural produce;
and America pays its farmers $3,000 million annually for not growing anything
-all to keep prices in the world's markets high! American farmers killed tens
of thousands of calves, and buried them, to keep the price of meat high, when
in the same year tens of thousands of people died of starvation in Africa, Asia
and Latin America!
How great a difference there is between the humane culture of
Islam, which does not let a poor man suffer because of the scent of cooking
from a rich neighbour's house which may aggravate his hunger, and the
materialistic culture of the West which is threatening millions of people with
death from starvation. How miserable are those who are striving to adopt
materialistic systems, whether Western or Eastern, stumbling blindly in the
black night of jahiliyyah. How great is the responsibility of the Muslims to be
the bearers of the torch lit from a blessed tree, neither of the East nor of
the West, which alone can dispel the darkness of jahiliyyah, illuminate hearts
and minds, and restore mankind to guidance, security and prosperity.
The
Muslim treats his neighbour in the best way he can
The Muslim who understands the teachings of his religion hastens
to treat his neighbour in the best way he can. Nothing is too insignificant
when it comes to respecting his neighbour, as some ignorant people think -they
may think something is too small to be worth giving as a gift to a neighbour,
so they refrain from giving it, thus depriving themselves and their neighbours
of much goodness. This is something the Prophet (s) pointed out to women in
particular, as many of them may feel too shy to offer a small gift to a
neighbour:
´O Muslim women, do not think that any gift is too insignificant
to give to a neighbour, even if it is only a sheep's foot. (Bukhari and Muslim)
A sheep's foot is a thing of little value, but it is better than
nothing, and no woman should feel that any gift is not worth giving to a
neighbour. Allah says:
{Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it }
(Qur'an 99:7)
And the Prophet (s) said:
´Save yourself from the Fire even by giving half a date in
charity. (Bukhari)
But this hadith, which is general in application, may also be
taken to mean that the recipient should not look down on the gift. The meaning
then is: No (female) neighbour should scorn the gift given to her by another
[female] neighbour, even if it is it is just a sheep's foot. Rather, she should
thank her for it, because gratitude engenders friendship among neighbours and
encourages mutual support and help. This is in addition to the fact that
thanking people for favours is a basic Islamic trait which the Prophet (s) strongly
encouraged:
´The one who does not give thanks to people does not give thanks to
Allah.' 1
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
His
generosity is directed towards both Muslim and non Muslim neighbours
The true Muslim does not restrict his good treatment only to
neighbours who are related to him or who are Muslims, but he extends it to
non-Muslim neighbours too, so that the tolerance of Islam may spread to all
people, regardless of their race or religion. The eminent Sahabi 'Abdullah ibn
'Amr had a sheep slaughtered and asked his slave, "Did you give some meat
to our Jewish neighbour? For I heard the Prophet (s) say, 'Jibril kept on
enjoining the good treatment of neighbours to the extent that I thought he
would include neighbours as heirs.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
The People of the Book have lived among Muslims for centuries, knowing
that they, their honour, their wealth and their beliefs are secure, and
enjoying good neighbourly relations, good treatment and freedom of worship.
Evidence of this is seen in the continued existence of their ancient churches,
clinging to mountaintops, surrounded by thousands of Muslims who uphold the
well-being of their Jewish and Christian neighbours in accordance with Qur'anic
teachings:
{Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for
[your] Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and Mustly
with them: for Allah loves those who are Must.} (Qur'an 60:8)
He starts
with the neighbour whose home is closest to his own
The true Muslim does not forget the precise system that Islam set
out when it enjoined the good treatment of neighbours. Islam has told him to
give priority to the one whose house is closest, then the one who is next
closest, and so on. This takes into account the closeness of the neighbours
whose homes are beside one another, the issues which may frequently arise
between them and the importance of maintaining friendship and harmony.
'A'ishah said: ´O Messenger of Allah, I have two neighbours, so to
which one should I send a gift?' He said, ´To the one whose door is closer to
yours. (Bukhari)
The Sahabah were well-aware of this Islamic teaching regarding the
treatment of one's neighbours, so they would not attend to the good treatment
of neighbours whose home was further away until they had taken care of the one
whose home was nearer. Concerning this, Abu Hurayrah (r) said: "He does
not start with the neighbour whose home is further away before he takes care of
the one whose home is nearer. He pays attention to the one whose home is nearer
before he turns his attention to the one whose home is further away."1
This system of priority in the good treatment of neighbours does
not mean that a Muslim should ignore the neighbours who are further away from
his home. Everyone around his home is considered to be a neighbour and thus
enjoys the rights of a neighbour. This system is merely a matter of
organization, by means of which the Prophet
(s) encouraged taking care of the closest neighbour because he is
the one with whom there is usually ongoing contact and interaction.
}}
The true
Muslim is the best neighbour
The attitude of treating neighbours well is deeply engrained in
the Muslim's conscience and is one of the features that most distinguishes him
in the sight of Allah and of other people, because the true Muslim who has
grown up in or been nurtured by Islam and has internalized its teachings,
cannot but be the best of companions and the best of neighbours. He is the one
described by the Prophet (s):
´The best of companions in the sight of Allah is the one who is
best to his companion and the best of neighbours in the sight of Allah is the
one who is best to his neighbour.' 2
So Islam counts a good neighbour, one whose presence is a source
of comfort, security and safety, as one of the joys of a Muslim's life. The
Prophet (s) honoured the good neighbour by describing him as one of the pillars
of happiness in a Muslim's life:
´Among the things that bring happiness to a Muslim in this life
are a righteous neighbour, a spacious house and a good steed.' 3
The salaf appreciated the value of good neighbours so much that
they considered having a good neighbour to be a priceless blessing. One story
which reflects this tells that the neighbour of Sa'id ibn al' As wanted to sell
his home for 100,000 dirhams, and told the would-be purchaser, "This is
the price of the house, but what would you give for having Sa'id as a
neighbour?" When Sa'id heard about this, he sent his neighbour the price
of the house and told him to stay there.
This is the status of neighbours in Islam, and the attitude and
behaviour of a good Muslim neighbour. But what about bad neighbours?
Bad
neighbours
Having a bad neighbour is something which is so appalling that the
sensitive Muslim cannot think of it without shuddering and being filled with a
sense of fear, loathing and hatred.
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad. 2 Reported by
al-Tirmidhi with sahih isnad. 3 Reported by Ahmad and al-Hakim with a sahih
isnad.
The bad
neighbour is a person who is deprived of the blessing of faith
The bad neighbour is a person who is deprived of the blessing of
faith, which is the greatest blessing that the Creator has bestowed upon His
creation. The Prophet (s) confirmed the bad neighbour's loss of this great
blessing in no uncertain terms when he said: "He is not a believer. He is
not a believer. He is not a believer." The people asked, "Who, O
Messenger of Allah?" He said, ´The one from whose evil (or troubles) his
neighbour does not feel safe. (Bukhari and Muslim)
In a report given by Muslim he (s) said:
´The one from whose evil his neighbour does not feel safe will not
enter Paradise.'
How great must be the crime of the bad neighbour, if his
mistreatment of his neighbour is depriving him of the blessings of faith and
denying him entrance to Paradise!
The true Muslim listens to these teachings with an open mind and
accepts them. It never occurs to him that one day he may find himself in an
argument or conflict with one of his neighbours, because that will destroy his
faith and all hope of success in the Hereafter. This would be the greatest
loss, and the mere thought of it makes the true Muslim tremble.
The bad
neighbour is a person whose good deeds are not accepted
Not surprisingly, several hadith state that the bad neighbour is
one whose good deeds are not accepted, and will be of no avail so long as he is
mistreating his neighbour, because in Islam, good deeds are always centered on
a foundation of faith, and as we have seen in the hadith quoted above, the bad
neighbour has no faith. So obviously his good deeds are not accepted: Allah
rejects them outright, no matter how many good deeds he does, even if he spends
all day and all night doing them.
The Prophet (s) was asked: "O Messenger of Allah,
such-and-such a woman spends her nights in prayer, fasts during the day, and so
on, and she gives charity, but she offends her neighbours with her sharp
tongue." The Prophet (s) said:
´Her good deeds will be of no avail: she is among the people of
Hell.' They said, ´And so and so prays only the obligatory prayers, gives
charity in the form of left over curds, but does not offend anyone.' The
Prophet (s) said: ´She is among the people of Paradise.' 1
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
The bad neighbour is one of the three worst types of people
defined by the Prophet (s): ´There are three worst types of people: a ruler
who, if you do well, does not appreciate it and if you do wrong, he does not
forgive you for it; a bad neighbour who, if he sees something good, he conceals
it, and if he sees something bad he broadcasts it; and a wife who, when you are
present, she annoys you and if you go away, she betrays you.' 1
Hence the smart Muslim will have a very clear picture of the bad
neighbour, as described by the Prophet (s), and will keep a great distance from
such a person.
The true
Muslim is careful to avoid falling into sin where his neighbour is concerned
The true Muslim is especially careful to avoid committing sins
against his neighbour, because a sin against a neighbour is worse than other
crimes, according to the words of the Prophet (s). He quizzed his Companions
about adultery and they said, "It is haram; Allah and His Messenger have
prohibited it." He told them, "A man who commits adultery with ten
women has committed a lesser sin than one who commits adultery with his
neighbour's wife." Then he quizzed them about stealing, and they said,
"It is haram; Allah and His Messenger have prohibited it." He told
them, "A man who steals from ten households has committed a lesser sin
than the one who steals from his neighbour's house."2
The neighbour in Islam enjoys a unique sanctity which is unknown
in other manmade laws and systems. Those manmade laws encourage the violation
of a neighbour's honour because it is usually easier and there are more
opportunities to do so than to violate the honour of others. These promiscuous
songs about looking through the neighbour's window and such like did not become
widespread in the Muslim world until we had forgotten the manners of chivalry
and faith, and been overwhelmed by blind imitation and cultural and
intellectual imperialism. Then cheap, dirty young men among us began to compose
songs and poems about the female neighbour, when such a thing had never been
known during our jahiliyyah, let alone after the advent of Islam. One of our
noble and decent poets, if he happened to see a female neighbour, would say:
´I lower my gaze when my female neighbour appears before me,/
until she disappears into her own home.' 3
Islam has encouraged this noble human attitude and behaviour in
the many texts concerning the good treatment of one's neighbour, protecting his
honour, concealing his faults, helping him when he is in need, lowering one's
gaze from his womenfolk, and keeping away from everything that may harm him or
make him suspicious. It is no surprise, then, that the true Muslim is the best
neighbour that any human society has ever known.
1 Reported by al-Tabarani; the men of its isnad are thiq t. 2
Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad. Its men are thiq t. 3 'Antarah, in his D¯w
n with footnotes by al-Mawlaw, p. 308.
The Muslim who is truly sensitive and aware of the teachings of
his religion concerning the good treatment of neighbours, will be very cautious
indeed concerning any dispute that may arise between himself and his neighbour
for any reason, because of the warning of the Prophet (s) against arguing with
neighbours:
´The first two antagonists on the Day of Judgement will be two neighbours.'
1
His good
treatment of his neighbour is not lacking
The true Muslim does not spare any effort to help his neighbour,
opening wide the door of care, friendship and generosity. He is careful to
fulfil his duty towards him lest the words of the Prophet
(s) concerning the miserly, unhelpful neighbour become applicable
to him: ´How many people will be hanging on to their neighbours on the Day of
Resurrection, saying: 'O my Rabb He shut his door in my face and denied me his
kind treatment and help ·' 2
What a miserable position the miserly, uncaring neighbour will be
in on the Day of Judgement!
According to Islam, the Muslims are like a wall, whose bricks are
the people of the Ummah. Each brick must be sound, and strongly bonded with the
others, to make this wall sturdy and enduring; otherwise it will become weak
and prone to collapse. Thus Islam surrounds this wall with strong spiritual
ties, to preserve its integrity and strength, so that it will not be shaken no
matter what events befall it.
The Prophet (s) gave a marvellous metaphor of the Muslims,
solidarity and mutual support:
´The believers are like a wall whose bricks are fitted tightly
together; each one of them supports another. (Bukhari)
´The believers, in their mutual friendship, mercy and affection,
are like one body: if any part of it complains, the rest of the body will also
stay awake in pain. (Bukhari)
If a religion places such an amazing emphasis on the solidarity of
its followers, it is natural that it should strengthen neighbourly ties and
base them on a solid foundation of friendship, kindness, mutual support and
good treatment.
He puts up with his neighbour's mistakes and bad treatment
The Muslim who is guided by Islam is patient with his neighbour
and does not get angry or bear a grudge if he makes a mistake or has some
shortcomings. He is tolerant and forgiving towards him, thus hoping to earn
reward from Allah and to attain His love and pleasure. This is proven by the
hadith of Abu Dharr: when Mutarrif ibn 'Abdullah met him, he said, "O Abu
Dharr, I heard about what you said and I wanted to meet you." Abu Dharr
said, "Your father was a great man! Now you have met me."
1 Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani, with a hasan isnad. 2
Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
Mutarrif said: "I heard that you have said that the Prophet
(s) said: 'Allah loves three and hates three.," Abu Dharr said, "I do
not think that I will tell lies about the Messenger of Allah." Mutarrif
said, "Then who are the three whom Allah loves?" Abu Dharr (quoting
the Prophet (s) said: "A man who fights for the sake of Allah, with
perseverance and hoping for reward from Him, and fights until he is killed, and
you find this in the Book of Allah." Then he recited: {Truly Allah loves
those who fight in His Cause in battle array, as if they were a solid cemented
structure.} (Qur'an 61:4) Mutarrif asked: "Then who?" He said,
"A man who has a bad neighbour who annoys and disturbs him, but he bears
it with patience and forbearance until Allah ends the matter either during his
lifetime or upon the death of either of them."1
1 Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani with a sahih isnad.
He does
not give tit for tat
One element of the teachings of this religion which the Prophet
(s) explained to his Companions is not to repay a bad neighbour with bad deeds,
but to bear his disturbance with patience, in so far as he is able, hoping that
the one who is doing wrong may stop his bad behaviour when he sees that his
neighbour is not responding in kind. This is one of the noblest characteristics
and one of the most effective ways of uprooting the evil that exists in some
souls.
Muhammad ibn 'Abdullah ibn Sallam (r) came to the Prophet (s) and
said, "My neighbour is disturbing me." He said, "Have
patience." He came back a second time and said, "My neighbour is
disturbing me," And the Prophet (s) again told him, "Have
patience." He came back a third time and said, "My neighbour is
disturbing me." The Prophet
(s) told him: "Go back and put all your goods and chattels
out in the street. If anyone comes along and asks you, tell him, 'My neighbour
is disturbing me., Then he will truly incur curses. Whoever believes in Allah
and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour...," 1
He knows
his neighbour's rights over him
From the teachings of the Prophet (s) regarding neighbours, the
true Muslim knows the rights of his neighbour over him at all times. So he
helps him at times of difficulty; he shares his joys and his sorrows; if he
becomes poor he treats him kindly and helps him; if he is ill he visits him and
consoles him; if he dies he follows his bier, comforts his family and takes
care of them. He never forgets to consider the feelings of his neighbour and
his family, and avoids doing anything that may hurt their feelings whether
directly or indirectly.
These are the sublime Islamic teachings concerning neighbours for
every Muslim who has been guided to true Islam and who applies its rules to
himself and to his family. Is it any wonder, in the light of all this, that the
true Muslim should be the best neighbour that any human society has ever known?
1 Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/50.
Chapter 8. The Muslim and His Friends and Brothers
In Islam
He loves them for the sake of Allah
One of the most prominent distinguishing features of the true
Muslim is his love for his friends and brothers in faith, a love that is
untainted by any worldly interests or ulterior motives. This is true brotherly
love, whose purity is derived from the light of Islamic guidance; its effect on
the behaviour of Muslims is quite unique in the history of human relationships.
The bond that links a Muslim to his brother, regardless of race,
colour or language, is the bond of faith in Allah:
{The Believers are but a single brotherhood . . .} (Qur'an 49:10)
The brotherhood of faith is the strongest of bonds between hearts
and minds. It comes as no surprise that this unique brotherhood bears fruits of
love that are amazingly sublime, pure, deep and lasting. Islam calls it
"love for the sake of Allah," in which the true Muslim finds the
sweetness of faith:
´There are three things that whoever attains them will find the
sweetness of faith: if Allah and His Messenger are dearer to him than anyone
else; if he loves a person solely for the sake of Allah; and if he would hate
to return to kufr after Allah has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate
to be thrown into the Fire. (Bukhari and Muslim)
The
status of two who love one another for the sake of Allah
Many hadith describe the status of two people who love one another
for the sake of Allah, and describe the high position in Paradise which He has
promised them and the great honour which He will bestow upon them on the Day
when mankind is resurrected to meet the Rabb of the Worlds: Among them is the
hadith which describes the seven whom Allah will shade on the Day when there is
no shade but His:
´...a just leader; a youth who grows up worshipping Allah; a man
who is deeply attached to the mosque; two men who love one another for the sake
of Allah, meeting for His sake and parting for His sake; a man who is called by
a beautiful woman and says, 'I fear Allah·; a man who gives charity in secret
such that his left hand does not know what his right hand is doing; and a man
who remembers Allah when he is alone and his eyes fill with tears. (Bukhari and
Muslim)
The two who love one another for the sake of Allah are clearly
shown to be among those whom Allah will shelter with His shade and upon whom He
will shower His mercy and kindness. What a great honour! It is enough honour
for those who love one another for the sake of Allah that their Almighty Rabb
will greet them on the Day of Resurrection and say to them: ´Where are those
who loved one another for My glory" Today I will shade them in My shade on
the Day when there is no shade but Mine.' (Muslim)
Such is the magnificent honour and tremendous reward that will be
bestowed upon those who truly loved one another for the sake of Allah, on that
awesome Day.
Love for the sake of Allah, and not for the sake of anything else
in this life which is filled with greed, desires and interests, is very
difficult, and none can attain it except the one who is pure of heart, for whom
this world is as nothing compared to the pleasure of Allah. It is not
surprising that Allah should give them a status and blessing which is
commensurate with their position in this world, above whose concerns they have
risen. We find proof of this in the hadith of Mu'adh who said that the Prophet
(s) said:
´Allah said: 'Those who love one another for My glory, will have
minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the
same.' 1
Allah gives to those who love one another for His sake a gift
which is even greater than this status and blessing: that is His precious love
which is very difficult to attain. This is proven by the hadith of Abu Hurayrah
(r) in which the Prophet (s) said:
´A man went to visit a brother of his in another village. Allah
sent an angel to wait for him on the road. When the man came along, the angel
asked him, 'Where do you intend to go?' He said, 'I am going to visit a brother
of mine who lives in this village.' The angel asked, 'Have you done him any
favour (for which you are now seeking repayment)?' He said, 'No. I just love
him for the sake of Allah.' The angel told him, 'I am a messenger to you from
Allah, sent to tell you that He loves you as you love your brother for His
sake.'" (Muslim)
What a great love, that raises a man to a position where Allah
loves him and is pleased with him! The teaching of the Prophet (s) goes even
further and states that the better of two brothers who love one another for the
sake of Allah is the one who loves his brother more. The Prophet (s) said:
´No two men love one another, but the better of them is the one
whose love for his brother is greater.' 2
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith. 2
Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
Islam goes even further in spreading love in the rightly-guided
Muslim society by telling the Muslim that if he loves his brother, he should
tell him. The Prophet (s) said:
´If a man loves his brother, let him tell him that he loves him' 1
The Prophet (s) understood the impact of this strong, pure love in
building societies and nations, so he never let any occasion pass without
advocating this love and commanding the Muslims to announce their love for one
another, in order to open hearts and spread love and purity among the ranks of
the Ummah.
Anas (r) said that a man was with the Prophet (s), when another
man passed by. The first man said, "O Messenger of Allah, indeed I truly
love this man." The Prophet (s) asked him, "Have you let him know
that?" He said, "No." The Prophet (s) said, ´Tell him.' He
caught up with him and told him, ´Truly I love you for the sake of Allah,' and
the man said, ´May Allah love you who loves me for His sake.'2
Mu'adh began to spread this pure love among the Muslims throughout
the Muslim lands, telling them what he had heard from the Prophet (s) about the
great reward that Allah had prepared for those who loved one another for His
sake, and about His great love for them. In al-Muwatta', Imam Malik gives a
report with a sahih isnad from Abu Idris al-Khulani who said: "I entered
the mosque of Damascus, where I saw a young man who had a bright smile, and I
saw the people gathered around him. When they disagreed on some matter, they
referred it to him, and accepted his opinion. I asked who he was, and they told
me, 'This is Mu'adh ibn Jabal (r).' Early the next day, I went to the mosque
but I found that he had arrived even earlier than I. He was praying, so I
waited until he had finished, then I approached him from in front, greeted him
and said, 'By Allah I love you., He said, 'For the sake of Allah?, I said, 'For
the sake of Allah., He repeated his question, 'For the sake of Allah?, and I
said, 'For the sake of Allah., So he took hold of my collar and pulled me
towards him and said, 'I have good news for you. I heard the Prophet (s) say:
´Allah Almighty says: 'My love is granted to those who love one another for My
sake, who visit one another for My sake, and who spend on one another for My
sake.'""
The
effect of love for the sake of Allah on the life of Muslims
In another hadith, the Prophet (s) confirmed that this love
between believers is one of the conditions of faith that will grant entrance to
Paradise to the one who has it. In a report given by Imam Muslim from Abu
Hurayrah (r), the Prophet (s) said:
1 Reported by Abu Dawud and al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a sahih
hadith. 2 Reported by Abu Dawud, with a sahih isnad.
´By the One in Whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise
until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I
not tell you of something that if you do it, you will love one another"
Spread Salaam amongst yourselves.' (Muslim)
The Prophet (s), with the brilliant educational insight bestowed
upon him by Allah, understood that nothing could eliminate hatred, jealousy and
rivalry from people's hearts but true brotherhood, based on love, friendship
and mutual advice, and free of conspiracies, envy, sullenness and hatred. So he
called for the Muslims to spread salaam among their brothers, so that it would
open their hearts to love and meeting one another on a good basis.
He frequently repeated this teaching to his Sahabah, hoping to sow
the seed of love in their hearts and nurture it until it bore fruits of that
great love that Islam wants for the Muslims. With this great love, the Prophet
(s) built the first generation of Muslims which conveyed this divine Message to
the world and formed the solid basis on which this religion was built.
Without this pure love, which Islam alone instilled in their
hearts, the first Muslims would not have been able to persevere in jihad and
make the great sacrifices through which they built the Islamic state and spread
the rule of Islam throughout the world.
With this amazing true love, the Prophet (s) was able to establish
the most ideal society of believers ever known, whose solidarity he described
so well:
´The relationship between believers is like a wall, parts of which
support other parts.' (Muslim)
´The believers, in their mutual friendship, mercy and affection,
are like one body. If any part of it complains, the rest of the body will also
stay awake in pain.' (Muslim)
´The Muslims are like one person: if his eye hurts him then his
whole body will suffer, and if his head hurts him then his whole body will
suffer.' (Muslim)
In the light of this guidance, the Muslim cannot but be filled
with love for his brothers and friends. Thus he becomes a good, constructive
element of love in this world, and a victor who has gained the pleasure and
love of his Rabb in the Hereafter.
He does
not forsake or abandon his brother
The true Muslim who understands the teachings of Islam knows that
the religion that calls for love, continued contact and mutual affection, also
is the religion that has forbidden brothers in faith to hate or abandon one
another. Islam has explained that two people who truly love one another for the
sake of Allah will not be separated by the first minor offence that either of
them may commit, because the bond of love for the sake of Allah is too strong
to be broken by such minor matters. The Prophet (s) said:
´No two people who love one another for the sake of Allah, or for
the sake of Islam, will let the first minor offence of either of them come
between them.' 1
Islam does not ignore human nature; it recognizes that anger may
strike in moments of weakness, but it puts a limit on the length of time that
anger may prevail, and forbids Muslims to continue a dispute beyond this time
without one or both of them bringing about a reconciliation. The Prophet (s)
said:
´It is not permissible for a Muslim to be estranged from his
brother for more than three days, both of them turning away from one another
when they meet. The better of them is the one who is first to greet the other.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
The true Muslim who has studied these definitive hadiths will not
be able to bear having a dispute with his brother and being estranged from him,
no matter what the reason. Rather, he will hasten to bring about a
reconciliation, because the better of the two is the one who is first to give
salaam. If the other returns the greeting, both of them will have a share of
the reward for the reconciliation, and if he does not return it, then the one
who gave the greeting will be absolved of the sin of forsaking his brother
while the one who refused to return the salaam will have to bear the burden of
that sin alone. This is made clear by the hadith in which Abu Hurayrah (r)
said:
´I heard the Prophet (s) say: 'It is not permissible for a man to
be estranged from a believer for more than three days. If three days have
passed, then he should go and give Salaam to him; if he returns the Salaam then
both of them will have a share in the reward, and if he does not respond then
the one who gave Salaam will be absolved of the sin of estrangement.' 2
The longer the estrangement lasts, the greater is the sin and the
more severe is the punishment that will befall the two who are split by the
dispute. The Prophet (s) said:
´Whoever is estranged from his brother for a year, it is as if he
has shed his blood.' 3
The Islamic system of education is based on mutual love and
affection, and ongoing contact. Therefore mutual hatred and envy should have no
place in the life of the true Muslim. How could he allow such bad
characteristics when he knows the teachings of the Prophet (s) which enjoin
morals and manners the like of which have never been known since man first
walked on the face of the earth? The Prophet (s) said:
´There should be no breaking off of ties, no turning away from one
another, no hating one another, and no envying one another. Be brothers, as
Allah has commanded you.' (Muslim) ´Beware of suspicion, for speaking on the
basis of suspicion is the worst kind of lie. Do not seek out one another's
faults, do not spy on one another, do not compete with one another, do not envy
one another, do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another. O
servants of Allah, be brothers. (Bukhari and Muslim)
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad. 2 Reported by Bukhari
in al-Adab al-Mufrad. 3 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
´Do not envy one another, do not outbid one another (in order to
inflate prices), do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another,
and do not enter into a transaction when others have already entered into it. O
servants of Allah, be brothers. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does
not oppress him, humiliate him or look down upon him. Taqwaa is here' -and so
saying, he pointed to his chest three times -´It is evil enough for a man to
look down upon his Muslim brother. The whole of a Muslim's being is sacred to
another Muslim -his blood, his wealth and his honour are inviolable.' (Muslim)
The Muslim who thinks deeply about this teaching of the Prophet
(s) which is filled with love, affection and brotherhood, will not be able to
persist in his hatred unless there is some disease in his heart or some
twistedness in his nature.
Therefore Islam issues a stern warning to those hard-hearted
people who are deviating from true Islam and denying its spirit of tolerance by
insisting on remaining estranged. They are risking an awful fate in the
Hereafter: their actions may prevent them from attaining the mercy and
forgiveness of Allah, and may close the doors of Paradise to them. The Prophet
(s) said:
´The doors of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and
every servant who does not associate anything with Allah will be forgiven,
except for the man who bears a grudge against his brother. It will be said,
'Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they
reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.' (Muslim)
The great Sahabi Abul-Darda, (r) used to say: ´Shall I not tell
you about something that is better for you than charity and fasting"
Reconcile between your brothers, for hatred diminishes reward.'1
This is deep and penetrating insight, on the part of this Sahabi
whose intelligence and good sense the Prophet (s) used to trust, into the
spirit of this religion which is based on brotherhood and love. He understood
that hatred cancels out good deeds and destroys rewards, so reconciling the estranged
Muslim with his brother is better for him than charity and fasting, because if
he were to continue bearing a grudge against his brother, this would negate any
reward he might receive for those acts of worship.
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
He is
tolerant and forgiving towards them
If he becomes angry with his brother, the true Muslim restrains
his anger and is quick to forgive him, and does not see any shame in doing so.
Rather, he sees it as a good deed which will bring him closer to Allah and earn
him His love which He bestows only on those who do good:
{...[those] who restrain anger and pardon [all] men -for Allah
loves those who do good.} (Qur'an 3:134)
A man may be able to restrain his anger, but resentment may be
smouldering in his heart, and may turn into deep-rooted hatred. Open anger and
rage are healthier than hidden resentment and malice.
The true Muslim whose soul has been saturated with this religion,
does not harbour grudges; if he restrains his anger, he then follows that with
forgiveness, and thus he will be among those who do good.
Anger is very difficult to restrain, for it is a heavy burden on
the heart. But when a person forgives another, this heavy burden is lifted,
freeing him, soothing him and bringing peace of mind. These are the feelings of
ihsan (goodness) which the Muslim feels when he forgives his brother.
The true Muslim is forgiving towards his brother, purely for the
sake of Allah. He hopes thereby to earn the honour to which the Prophet
(s) referred in the hadith: ´Allah will not increase His servant
except in honour. No one humbles himself for the sake of Allah, but Allah will
raise his status.' (Muslim)
It is a great honour from Allah, which combines with the good
characteristics of the tolerant, forgiving Muslim, so that he becomes one of
those who do good whom Allah loves, and one of those honoured ones whom people
love.
Resentment has no place in the heart of the sensitive Muslim who
truly understands his religion. He realizes the value of forgiveness and purity
of heart, and their importance if he seeks Allah's forgiveness, as the Prophet
(s) explained:
´There are three sins, whoever dies free of these sins will be
forgiven for anything else if Allah wills: associating anything with Allah;
practising magic or witchcraft; and bearing resentment towards his brother.' 1
He meets
them with a smiling face
The Muslim should always be pure of heart and cheerful of
countenance. He should not meet his brothers except with warmth and smiles, as
the Prophet (s) said:
´Do not think little of any good deed even if it is just greeting
your brother with a cheerful countenance.' (Muslim)
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
Having a cheerful and friendly face is a good characteristic which
Islam encourages and considers to be a good deed which will bring reward,
because a cheerful face mirrors a pure soul. This inward and outward purity is
one of the distinguishing features of the sincere Muslim. Hence the Prophet (s)
said:
´Your smiling at your brother is an act of charity (sadaqah).' 1
'Ali (r) said: "When two Muslims meet and converse, Allah
will forgive the one who has the most cheerful face."
It was the habit of the Sahabah, who were the living example of
Islam, to shake hands whenever they met, and whenever they returned from a
journey they would embrace one another. These actions increase the feelings of
love and friendship between the two who meet. Ibn Sa'd reports in al-Tabaqat
(4/34) that al-Shabi said:
´When the Prophet (s) returned from Khaybar, Ja'far ibn Abi Talib
(r) came out to meet him, and the Prophet (s) embraced him and
kissed his forehead, and said, 'I do not know which gives me more - - - - -
joy, Ja'far's return (from Abyssinia) or the conquest of Khaybar.'"
Another report adds: ´He embraced him warmly.'
Islam encourages giving salaam, and shaking hands and embracing
whenever brothers meet, so as to reinforce the ties of love and strengthen the
bonds of brotherhood among believers, so that the Muslim society will be able
to fulfil its purpose in life.
He is
sincere towards them
The true Muslim is sincere towards Allah, His Book, His Prophet
and to the leaders and the masses of the Muslims, as is stated in the hadith:
´The Prophet (s) said: 'Religion is sincerity2.' We asked, 'To
whom?" He said, 'To Allah (by obeying Him, attributing to Him what He
deserves and performing jihad for His sake); to His Book (by reading it,
understanding it and applying it to one's daily life); to His Prophet (by
respecting him greatly and fighting on his behalf both in his lifetime and
after his death, and by following his Sunnah); to the rulers of the Muslims (by
helping them in their task of leading Muslims to the right path and alerting
them if they are heedless); and to their common folk (by being merciful towards
them). (Bukhari and Muslim)3
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi who said it is hasan gharib. 2 Nasihah
is an Arabic word that may be translated by a number of words in English. The
most common translation is "good advice," but it also carries
connotations of sincerity, integrity and "doing justice to a person or
situation." [Translator] 3 The explanations in brackets are adapted from
those given in the English translation of sahih Bukhari by Dr. Muhammad Muhsin
Khan (Vol. 1, p. 48). [Translator]
It is no surprise, then, that the Muslim should be sincere towards
his brothers and not cheat them or mislead them. Sincerity, in this sense, is
one of the most basic principles of Islam, which the first believers pledged to
adhere to when they gave allegiance (bay'ah) to the Prophet (s). This is confirmed
by the statement of Jarir ibn 'Abdullah (r):
- - - - - ´I gave allegiance to the Prophet (s) and pledged to
observe regular prayer, to pay zakat and to be sincere towards every Muslim.
(Bukhari and Muslim)
In the hadith quoted above, we see that the Prophet (s) summed up
Islam in one word, Nasihah, showing that sincerity is the central foundation of
the faith. For without sincerity, a man's faith is invalid and his Islam is
worthless. This is the meaning of the hadith of the Prophet (s):
´None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he
likes for himself. (Bukhari and Muslim)
This is impossible to achieve unless one loves one's brother with
all sincerity. No doubt this level of love for one's brother is very difficult
to attain, but it is not impossible as long as one is constantly aware that
liking for one's brother what one likes for oneself is one of the conditions of
faith, and that religion is sincerity. Indeed, it is a natural attitude of the
sincere Muslim who truly understands Islam. Our history is filled with many
examples, ancient and modern, of how true Muslims liked for their brothers what
they liked for themselves. This reminds me of the stories I have heard from my
elders about the traders in the markets of Syria. In the old covered souqs,
traders dealing in one commodity would be grouped together, so there would be a
souq for sellers of perfumes, another for dyers, a third for tailors, and so
on. When a buyer came to one of them first and bought something, if a second
buyer came -and his neighbour had not yet made a sale -he would politely tell
the customer, "Go and buy from my neighbour, for I have made a sale, but
he has not yet sold anything."
O Allah! How joyous and delightful life appears in the shade of
this brotherhood and mutual affection! How happy life would be if it were
infused with the spirit of Islam and if Islamic values pervaded all its
interactions. Then we would be living in a higher status that no man can
achieve except in this religion which teaches him that "religion is
sincerity" and that he does not truly believe until he likes for his
brother what he likes for himself. On the basis of these lofty principles of
love and sincerity, the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah (r) used to say:
´The believer is the mirror of his brother. If he sees any fault
in him he corrects it.' 1
In these words, Abu Hurayrah (r) was echoing the hadith of the
Prophet (s):
´The believer is the mirror of his brother. The believer is the
brother of a believer: he protects him from ruin and guards his back.' 2
It is natural that the true Muslim should have this noble attitude
towards his brother. He could not do otherwise, even if he wanted to; the
person who is living on such an exalted level cannot come down to the level of
individualism and selfishness. A vessel will leak whatever is in it; a flower
cannot but smell sweet, and good land cannot but bring forth good produce. The
poet rightly said:
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad. 2 Reported by Bukhari
in al-Adab al-Mufrad
´Does any plant produce large flowers but the washij (plant with
spear like leaves)" / Are palm trees planted anywhere except in the soil
which is suitable for them?'
He has a natural inclination towards kindness and faithfulness
Islam instils in its followers the characteristics of kindness and
faithfulness towards one's friends: it even includes the parents, friends as we
have already seen in Chapter 3 ("The Muslim and his parents"). Thus
the true Muslim appreciates the value of faithfulness, and the value of the
ties of brotherhood and friendship. The books of our Islamic heritage are
filled with great examples of kindness and faithfulness, which the salaf
embodied in their daily lives so that they truly were {the best of Peoples
evolved for mankind.}
An example of this is the hadith narrated by Muslim in his sahih
from Ibn 'Umar (r), in which the Prophet (s) said:
´The best kind of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in
touch with and respect his father's friend."
'Abdullah ibn Dinar reported that he and 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r)
met a Bedouin man on the road to Makkah. 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar greeted him,
seated him on the donkey he was riding and gave him the turban he was wearing.
Ibn Dinar said: "We said to him, 'May Allah guide you! He is only a
Bedouin and the least thing would satisfy them!, 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar said,
'This man's father was a friend of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r), and I heard the
Prophet say: "The best kind of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep
in touch with and respect his father's friend."
The Prophet (s) used to nurture the souls of the Muslims and plant
the seeds of faithfulness in them whenever he found an opportunity to tell them
something of his guidance. A man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked: "O
Messenger of Allah (s), is there any deed of kindness and respect that I can do
for my parents after they die?" He said, "Yes, pray for them, ask
forgiveness for them, fulfil their promises after they die, keep in contact
with your relatives for you have no relatives except through them -and respect
their friends." 1
The Prophet's concern for this kind of faithfulness in friendship
was something that used to upset 'A'ishah, because he used to extend it to the
friends of Khadijah, and 'A'ishah used to feel jealous of her. This is clear
from the words of 'A'ishah:
´I never felt jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet (s) as I
did of Khadijah (r), although I had never seen her. But he used to mention her
frequently, and sometimes he would slaughter a sheep, butcher the meat, and
send it to Khadijah's friends. One time I said to him, 'It is as if there was
no other woman in the world but Khadijah' He said, 'She was such and such, and
I had children by her.' (Bukhari and Muslim) According to another report: ´he
used to slaughter a sheep and send to her friends a goodly amount of it.'
This incomparable Islamic faithfulness extends even to the distant
friends of deceased parents and wives! So what about our own close friends who
are still alive?
1 Reported by Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban in his sahih.
One of the requirements of love, sincerity, kindness and
faithfulness, according to Islam, is that a man should help his brother in all
circumstances. If he is in the right, then he should help him by supporting
him, standing by him, and defending him; if he is in the wrong, then he should
help him by rebuking him, advising him and saving him from sinking into the
mire of wrongdoing. This is what the Prophet (s) advocated in the hadith:
´A man should help his brother whether he is a wrong doer or is
wronged. If he is a wrongdoer then he should stop him, and if he is wronged,
then he should defend him.' (Muslim)
The true Muslim does not forsake his brother, whether he is a
wrongdoer or is wronged. Islam teaches him to like for his brother what he
likes for himself: as long as he would not like for himself to be a wrongdoer
or to do wrong, then he would not like this for his brother either. So if his
brother is wronged, he stands by him, supports him and defends him, and if he
is a wrongdoer he stands by him and stops him from doing wrong. This is indeed
true sincerity and true kindness. These are two qualities that distinguish the
true Muslim at any time and in any place.
He is
kind to his brothers
The true Muslim who is adhering to the teachings and values of his
religion is kind to his brothers and is good-natured and easy-going towards
them. In this, he is following the guidance of Islam, which encourages good
characteristics.
Allah describes the believers as being {...lowly [or humble] with
the believers, mighty against the kafirun...} (Qur'an 5: 54). This suggests
gentleness, modesty and good dealings with one's brothers in faith to an
infinite degree of kindness, which is most akin to humility.
This message is reinforced by the teaching of the Prophet (s),
which encourages the Muslim to be kind in a way that will add beauty to life.
This is seen in the hadith:
´There is no kindness in a thing but it adds beauty to it, and
there is no absence of kindness but it disfigures a thing.' (Muslim)
The Muslim sees a clear picture of the Prophet's character in his
sirah, which is full of kindness, gentleness, honour and good manners. He was
never known to use obscene language or to curse or insult a Muslim. Anas (r),
his servant and constant companion, describes his noble character thus:
´The Prophet (s) never used obscene language, or uttered curses
and insults. If he wanted to rebuke someone, he would say, 'What is the matter
with him, may his forehead be covered with dust 1 (Bukhari)
1 It has been suggested that what is meant by this expression is
"may his sujud (prostration) increase," thus he would be guided and
corrected. [Author]
He does
not gossip about them
The true Muslim does not gossip or backbite about his brothers and
friends, or backbite against them. He knows that gossip is haram, as the Qur'an
says:
{...Nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of
you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it. But
fear Allah: for Allah is Oft Returning, All Merciful.} (Qur'an 49:12)
The true Muslim who is infused with Islamic teachings and manners
will be horrified by the depiction given in the Qur'an of one who gossips as
being like one who eats the flesh of his dead brother. This will deter him from
gossiping and, if he is guilty of this sin, he will hasten to repent sincerely,
as indicated at the end of the ayah quoted. He will then restrain his tongue
and speak only good of his brother, remembering the words of the Prophet (s):
´Do you know what gossip is" They said, ´Allah and His
Messenger know best.' He said, ´It is your saying about your brother something
which he dislikes.' He was asked, ´What do you think if what I say about my
brother is true" He said, ´If it is true then you have gossiped about him,
and if it is not true then you have slandered him.' (Muslim)
The true Muslim avoids the sin of gossiping directly or
indirectly, abhorring the idea of being one who eats the flesh of his dead
brother and fearing lest his tongue leads him to Hell. This is made clear by
the Prophet's warning to Mu'adh, when he took hold of his tongue and said,
"Restrain this." Mu'adh said, "O Prophet of Allah, will we be
responsible for what we say?" The Prophet (s) said, "May your mother
be bereft of you! Is there anything that causes people to be thrown in Hell on
their faces (or he said: on their noses) but the harvest of their
tongues?"1
Gossip is a bad characteristic which does not befit a real man.
Rather it is a feature of two-faced cowards who look like men, those who gossip
to people about their brothers and friends, then when they meet them they smile
warmly and make a display of friendship. Hence the true Muslim should be the
furthest removed from gossip and fickleness, because Islam has taught him to be
a real man, to be straightforward and to fear Allah in Allah's words and deeds.
It has made him thoroughly despise hypocrisy and fickleness. The two-faced
person is regarded as being one of the worst people in the sight of Allah, as
the Prophet (s) says:
´You will find among the worst people in the sight of Allah on the
Day of Resurrection, the one who is two faced, who approaches some people in
one way and others in another. (Bukhari, Muslim, et al)
The true Muslim is straightforward, never two-faced. He meets all
people with a friendly, smiling face and does not differentiate between people
in the face he presents to them. For he knows that being two-faced is the
essence of hypocrisy and that hypocrisy and Islam do not go together. The
two-faced person is a hypocrite, and the hypocrites will be in the lowest level
of Hell.
1 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith.
He avoids
arguing with them, making hurtful jokes and breaking promises
Among the good manners of the true Muslim are: he does not exhaust
his brothers and friends with futile arguments, he does not annoy them with
hurtful jokes, and he does not break a promise that he has made to them. In
this way, he follows the guidance of the Prophet (s):
´Do not argue with your brother, do not joke excessively with him,
do not make a promise to him then break it.' 1
This is because arguing does not bring any benefits; hurtful jokes
often lead to hatred and loss of respect; and breaking promises upsets people
and destroys love. The true Muslim should be above all of that.
He is
generous and prefers his brothers over himself
The true Muslim is generous, and spends freely on his brothers and
friends. Naturally his brothers and friends should all be righteous believers,
as the Prophet (s) said:
´Do not take for a friend anyone but a believer, and do not let
anyone but a righteous person eat your food.' 2
The true Muslim understands where and when to be generous, and
why. He does not waste his money or spend it on anyone but his righteous,
believing brothers. He does not let himself become a milch-cow for worthless
renegades as a means to protect himself from them or to earn their favour if
they are in power. Those are people who do not hesitate to take advantage of
simple-hearted, generous religious folk; you may see them eating at their
tables whilst inwardly laughing at this simple-hearted, misplaced generosity.
The true Muslim is generous, but only when it is appropriate to be
so. Generosity is a basic Islamic characteristic that elevates the one who
possesses it and endears him to people. This virtue was deeply rooted in the
Sahabah (r), and was one of the dearest of righteous deeds to them. This is
seen in the statement of 'Ali (r):
´Having a small group of my brothers come and eat a little food
with me is dearer to me than going out into your market to buy a slave and set
him free.' 3
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad. 2 Reported by Abu
Dawud and al-Tirmidhi with a hasan isnad. 3 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab
al-Mufrad.
This kind of friendly gathering to share food strengthens the love
between brothers and reinforces the spirit of human affection between friends.
This is something which has been lost by modern, materialistic cultures, whose
people now are concerned only for themselves and their own interests, and hence
are suffering from a sense of spiritual emptiness and emotional dryness. The
result is a deep feeling of being deprived of sincere friendship and true
friends. These people devote themselves to caring for their dogs, to make up
for the lack of human emotional warmth drained from them by the materialistic
philosophy which they have taken as a religion governing all aspects of life. A
French report states that there are seven million dogs in France, a country
whose population is fifty two million. These dogs live with their owners like
one of the family. It is no longer strange in French restaurants to see a dog
and its owner eating together at the same table. When an official of the animal
welfare organization in Paris was asked, "Why do the French treat their
dogs like they treat themselves?" he answered, "because they want
someone to love, but they cannot find any person to love."1
The materialistic man, whether in the West or in the East, can no
longer find a true, sincere friend in his own society on whom to bestow his
love and affection. So he turns to these animals in whom he finds more
gentleness and faithfulness than in the people around him. Can man become any
more emotionally degenerate than this extreme love for animals when he has lost
the blessing of faith and guidance?
This emotional degeneration from which Westerners are suffering
and which has dried up the human feelings in their souls, is one of the first
things that attracted the attention of emigrant Arab writers, both Muslim and
non-Muslim. They noticed that the materialistic lifestyle which has overtaken
western societies has made men into machines who know nothing in life but work,
productivity and fierce competition, who do not know what it is to smile warmly
at a friend. They are overwhelmed by the haste and crowds of this machine-like
existence. Seeing all of this alarmed those Arab writers, who had grown up in
the Islamic world and breathed its spirit of tolerance, and whose hearts were
filled with brotherly love. So they began earnestly calling the Westerners
towards the values of love and brotherhood. One of them was Nasib 'Aridah, who
raised the banner of this humane call to the Westerner whose heart was stained with
materialism and who had been blinded and deafened by the roar of the machines:
"O my friend, O my companion, O my colleague, my love for you is not out
of curiosity or a desire to impose on you./ Answer me with the words 'O my
brother!, O my friend, and repeat it, for these are the sweetest words./ If you
wish to walk alone, or if you grow bored of me, / then go ahead, but you will
hear my voice, calling 'O my brother,' bearing the message,/ and the echo of my
love will reach you wherever you are, so you will understand its beauty and its
glory."
The burden of materialistic life in the West became too much for
Yusuf As'ad Ghanim to bear, and he could no longer stand this life which was
full of problems and sinking in the ocean of materialism, and was devoid of the
fresh air of spirituality, brotherhood and affection. So he began to long for
the Arab countries of the Islamic world, the lands of Prophethood and
spirituality, the home of love, brotherhood and purity. He wished that he could
live in an Arab tent, and leave behind the civilized world with all its noise
and glaring lights: "If I were to live a short life in any Arab land, I
would thank Allah for a short but rich life in a world where He is loved in the
hearts of its people. I got so tired of the West that tiredness itself got
bored of me. Take your cars and planes, and give me a camel and a horse. Take
the Western world, land, sea and sky, and give me an Arab tent which I will
pitch on one of the mountains of my homeland Lebanon, or on the banks of Barada
or the shores of the Tigris and Euphrates, in the suburbs of 'Amman, in the
deserts of Saudi Arabia, in the unknown regions of Yemen, on the slopes of the
Pyramids, in the oases of Libya... Give me an Arab tent, and I will weigh it
against the entire world and emerge a winner..."
1 Prof. Wahid al-Din Khan, Wujub tatbiq al-shari'ah al-Islamiyyah
fi kulli zaman wa makan ("The necessity of applying Islamic Shariah in
every time and place"), in al-Mujtama', No. 325, Kuwait, 24 Dhu'lQi'dah
1396/16 November 1976.
Many writings by emigrant Arab authors share the same tone, but it
is sufficient to give just a few examples here. All of their writings express
the emigrants, longing for the emotional richness that they missed when they
came to the West, an experience which awoke in them feelings of longing for the
East where Islam had spread love, brotherhood, mutual affection and solidarity.
Islam encourages its followers to meet their brothers and compete in generosity
that will strengthen the ties of brotherhood among them, because generosity to
one's brothers is viewed as a basic characteristic that is required of the
Muslim. Islam made accepting a Muslim brother's invitation a duty in which he
must not fail. The Sahabah used to accept their brother's invitations, because
they saw this as their brother's right and their own duty; failing to do so
would be a sin. This is seen in the hadith narrated by Bukhari in al-Adab
al-Mufrad from Ziy d ibn An'am al-Ifr¯q¯, who said: ´We were waging a campaign
by sea at the time of Mu'awiya (r). Our ship came alongside the ship of Abu
Ayyub al Ansari (r). When it was time for lunch, we sent for him and he came to
us and said, 'You called me while I was fasting, and I had no choice but to
answer you, because I heard the Prophet (s) say: ´The Muslim has six duties
towards his brother: he should greet him with Salaam when he meets him; accept
his invitation; bless him1 when he sneezes; visit him when he is sick; attend
his funeral when he dies; and give him advice when he asks for it.'·' Indeed,
the Sahabah thought that if a Muslim rejected his brother's invitation for no
good reason, he was committing a sin against Allah and His Messenger. The
Prophet (s) said: ´The worst of food is a meal which is cooked for guests, to
which those who would come are not invited, whilst those who would reject it
are. Whoever rejects an invitation with no good reason has disobeyed Allah and
His Messenger.' (Muslim) The brotherhood of faith is not just the matter of
empty slogans to be shouted. It is a sacred bond that has its own commitments,
duties and rights. The one who truly believes in Allah and the Last Day, and
who follows Islam, knows this, and does his best to fulfil the duties of Islam.
We see evidence of that faith and devotion to Islamic duty in the deeds of the
Ansar who set the highest example of selfless love towards their Muhajir
brothers who had emigrated for the sake of their religion and arrived in Madinah
possessing nothing. The Ansar offered them everything, to the extent that one
of them told his Muhajir brother: "This is my wealth: take half of it. And
these are my two wives: see which one is more pleasing to you and tell me, so I
will divorce her and she can become your wife after she has completed her
'iddah." The Muhajir responded to his brother's kindness and affection
with something even better. He told him: "May Allah bless your wealth and
your wives for you. I have no need of them. Just show me where the market is so
that I can work."
1 By saying "yaramuk Allah" (may Allah have mercy on
you). [Translator]
An Ansari welcomed his Muhajir brother as a guest when he had no
food in his home except what was just enough for his children, but he preferred
his brother over himself and his family, so he told his wife, "Put your
sons to bed and extinguish the lamp, then offer what you have to our guest. We
will sit with him at the table, and make him think that we are eating, but we
will not eat." So they sat at the table, and the guest alone ate, while
the couple stayed hungry all night. The next morning, the Ansari went to the
Prophet (s) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (s) said: ´Allah is
pleased with what you have done for your guest this night. (Bukhari and Muslim)
The selfless attitude of the Ansar towards the Muhajirin and their
willingness to support them with their wealth reached such an extent that they
asked the Prophet (s): ´Divide the date palms between us and our brothers.' He
said, ´No.' So they said to the Muhajirin, ´Help us to tend the trees, and we
will share the crop with you.' The Muhajirin said, ´To hear is to obey.
(Bukhari)
The Muhajirin greatly appreciated the good deeds of their Ansar
brothers, and told the Prophet (s): "O Messenger of Allah, we have never
seen anything like this people to whom we have come: if they have a little,
they are still willing to help, and if they have plenty, they are most
generous. They have supported us and shared their wealth with us, so much so
that we feared that they would receive all the reward." The Prophet (s)
said: ´No, not so long as you praise them and pray to Allah for them.' 1
It was sufficient for the Ansar that Allah praised them and
commended their good deeds. He revealed an ayah of the Qur'an which would be
recited, and the story of their unique selflessness would be told, for all
time, and would serve as a realistic and vivid example of how people can break
free from selfish greed:
{But those who before them, had homes [in Madinah] and had adopted
the Faith -show their affection to such as had come to them for refuge, and
entertain no desire in their hearts for things given to the [latter], but give
them preference over themselves, even though poverty was their {own lot}. And
those saved from the covetousness of their own souls -they are the ones that
achieve prosperity.} (Qur'an 59:9)
Whenever people are called upon to make sacrifices and be
generous, this Qur'anic description of the Ansar will remain forever a beacon
of guidance and a shining example to mankind who is lost in greed and
covetousness.
The Ansar understood the meaning of the brotherhood of faith when
the Prophet (s) established the ties of brotherhood between them and the
Muhajirin. They were true believers who liked for their brothers what they
liked for themselves, as they had learned from the Prophet (s). They did not
withhold any of their worldly goods from their brothers, but they willingly
offered them half of what they possessed. At the beginning of the hijrah, they
made the Muhajirin their heirs, to the exclusion of their own relatives, in
order to fulfil the duties of brotherhood which the Prophet (s) had taught
them. This is seen in the report narrated by Bukhari from Ibn 'Abbas (r), who
said: ´When the Muhajirin came to Madinah, a Muhajir would inherit from an
Ansari to the exclusion of his own relatives. When the ayah: {'. . . But
kindred of blood have prior rights against each other . . .'} (Qur'an 8:75) was
revealed, this inheritance was abrogated, but the duties of support, help,
selflessness and beneficence remained.'
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, and by Ahmad, Abu
Dawud, al-Tirmidhi and al-Nisa'i. Its isnad is sahih.
He prays
for his brothers in their absence
The sincere Muslim who truly likes for his brother that which he
likes for himself does not forget to pray for his brother in his absence, which
is a practical demonstration of his brotherly love and care. He knows that this
is the prayer which is most quickly answered, because it is characterized by
sincerity and purity. The Prophet (s) said:
´The quickest prayer to be answered is a man's supplication for
his brother in his absence.' 1
Hence the Prophet (s) asked 'Umar (r) to pray for him, when 'Umar
came and sought permission to perform 'Umrah. 'Umar (r) said:
´I asked the Prophet (s) for permission to perform 'Umrah. He gave
me permission and said:
'Do not forget us in your prayers.' He told me something that
meant more to me than the whole world.' 2
The Sahabah understood this and used to ask their brothers to pray
for them whenever they were in a situation where their prayers would be
answered. Men and women alike shared this virtue, which is indicative of the
high level of the entire society during that golden period of our history.
Bukhari reports, in al-Adab al-Mufrad, from Safwan ibn 'Abdullah ibn Safwan,
whose wife was al-Darda, bint Abil-Darda,. He said: "I came to visit them
in Damascus; I found Umm al-Darda, in the house, but Abul-Darda, was not there.
She said, 'Do you want to go to hajj?, I said, 'Yes., She said, 'Pray for me,
for the Prophet (s) used to say, "The Muslim's prayer for his absent
brother will be answered. There is an angel at his head who, whenever he prays
for his brother, says 'Amin, and you shall have likewise."" He
(Safwan) said, "I met Abul-Darda, in the market and he told me something
similar, reporting from the Prophet (s)." The Prophet (s) taught his
Sahabah team spirit and the importance of caring for others. At every
opportunity he would direct them towards a true understanding of brotherhood,
so that there would be no room for the selfish individualism which makes eyes
blind and seals hearts. An example of the way the Prophet (s) instilled the
spirit of brotherhood in people's hearts and removed the seeds of selfishness
is his words to the man who prayed, "O Allah, forgive me and Muhammad
only." He told him, "You have denied it to many people." Thus he
taught him that Islam forbids a Muslim to seek good only for himself, even if
the Prophet (s) is included in that. The believer must love for his brother
what he loves for himself. Such is the true Muslim, who loves for his brother
what he loves for himself: he is sincere towards his brothers; he safeguards their
reputation, honour and wealth both in their presence and in their absence; he
prefers them to himself; he is tolerant and forgiving of their faults and
mistakes; he is gentle, kind and humble towards them; he is decent in his
dealings with them, in word and deed. He is generous, not miserly; truthful,
not a liar; friendly, not hostile. He is reliable and trustworthy and does not
betray them; he is straightforward, not two-faced. It is no wonder that the
true Muslim is like this, for this is the miracle that Islam has wrought in
man's characters. This is the Muslim as Islam meant him to be.
1 Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad.
2 Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith.
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